


Timeless

by airypeach



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, M/M, Side Ships, ex boyfriends, fluff if you squint, idk what to tag, im just whipped for jaeyong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 81,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24666295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airypeach/pseuds/airypeach
Summary: “So what’s the theme of the wedding? Do you want it simple or adventurous? Church wedding? Or a beach wedding, perhaps?”Jaehyun looked at him with his lips forming a tight line before answering. “You know Edward and Bella’s wedding, right? Outdoorsy type with trees and falling flowers and stuff, but we want the design to be Tangled.”Taeyong stopped typing and stared at Jaehyun bewilderedly. He knows that specific wedding theme very well.“What?” Jaehyun asked, looking at him as if he doesn’t have any idea why Taeyong was throwing him looks of surprise and disbelief.“That’s my wedding!”//Or where Lee Taeyong is a wedding planner who is tasked to plan the wedding of his ex boyfriend, Jung Jaehyun.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 275
Kudos: 735





	1. The Wedding Planner

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fic. (I just really want to get this out of my head)
> 
> P.s. This is inspired by Fairytales and a love bet by Heart Yngrid and Timeless by NCT U (hence, the title)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Edited on 11/13/2020]

It was a busy morning at The Wedding Bells office. It was the start of the fall season after all, the most popular season for couples to hook it up and tie the knot. A season where the weather is just nice enough to get married—not too cold and not too hot as the surroundings blaze a pleasing hue of reds, yellows, oranges and browns. It’s the season where the leaves fall together with lovers and people harvest crops along with fluttering feelings.

Conference rooms were booked with meetings. Wedding planners and assistants walked all around the office holding different colored fabrics and flowers, magazine spreads and folders of designs to be shown to their respective clients. Despite the busy buzzing, no one can ruin the beautiful smell of an autumn breeze in the air as the trees let go of the crisp leaves, making Taeyong smile at the thought of his favorite season.

Taeyong is a wedding planner at The Wedding Bells, the most famous planning company when it comes to organizing weddings and event coordination. He likes planning weddings of other people and seeing them happy at one of the most important days of their lives. It’s a job that he really sees beauty in. There’s just something about couples sharing their thoughts together and sometimes disagreeing with each other but on the day of the wedding, it’s all smiles and love for them. The apparent joy from the newlyweds every time they thank him for a beautiful wedding gives him immense happiness, too.

He sipped his coffee that became cold because his meeting with an engaged couple took too long. The bride and the groom can’t decide if they want their wedding color to be red or lavender and if the centerpiece will be roses or tulips—things that seem as minor but apparently when you’re planning a wedding, even the color of the ink used to sign marriage-related papers is a big deal.

He went back to his desk after his meeting in the conference room, propping himself on his seat as he started to work on the details of the wedding of the said couple. “So did they pick the red or the lavender? Why are they even fighting about it when they can pick both?” Doyoung asked. He is also a wedding planner at The Wedding Bells and has been his friend since university days. Until now, he still doesn’t know why Doyoung is working on a wedding coordinating company when he automatically rolls his eyes whenever the topic of “love” gets involved.

“The lavender. Bride said that there will be no wedding if it’s not lavender,” Taeyong answered, chuckling as he recalls how firm the bride was to her chosen color and how the groom was about to argue again but one annoyed look from his fiancée shut him up.

Doyoung rolled his eyes, as if to mock the said couples (and again making him question why his friend is working as a wedding planner). “Oh, by the way, the boss is looking for you. He told me to tell you to go to his office as soon as you finish your meeting.”

He turned to look at him and asked, “Why? What does he want? Am I in trouble?”

“No, dumbass,” Doyoung said as he rolled his eyes at him. “He actually sounded chirpy. Maybe you’re getting promoted already. Oooh that must be it! Go and don’t forget to treat us tonight!” Doyoung exclaimed as he nudged him to Taeil’s office.

Taeyong just laughed and walked towards Taeil’s office, their boss.

“Oh Taeyong, there you are. Have a seat,” Taeil said, motioning him to the sofa inside.

“Um, hyung, is everything alright? Am I in trouble?” Taeyong asked as he sat down on the sofa.

Taeil laughed lightly, shaking his head. “No, silly. Of course you’re not in trouble. You’re my best wedding planner. It’s the opposite actually. I’m promoting you.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened in delight. “Really?! Oh my god thank you!” He was indeed delighted. He was waiting for this promotion all year because not to brag or anything, but he is actually good at what he does.

“But hear me out first,” Taeil started. ”I have a client for you before you get promoted. He’s my cousin and he just got here from New York. He’s getting married and I want you to plan it because I want it to be perfect. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course! You know I’m good at what I do,” he beamed.

Taeil pat his shoulders. “That’s the spirit!” His phone rang, indicating a text message. “Oh, he said he’s here,” he muttered as he read the message on his phone. A few minutes later, they hear a knock on the door. “That must be him. Come in!”

The door opened and a man in a navy blue pinstriped suit came in, looking dashingly gorgeous with his hair brushed up. Taeyong’s eyes widened in surprise and for a moment, he honestly forgot how to breathe. He just sat there motionless on his seat as his brain tried to process what his eyes were seeing.

“Jaehyun! Long time no see, my cousin! How have you been?” Taeil hugged the man.

To say that Taeyong was dumbfounded would be an understatement. He suddenly cannot believe his eyes. It was Jung Jaehyun, his ex-boyfriend that he hasn’t seen for years. And boy, did he look more handsome than the last time he saw him.

“I’m good, I’m good hyung. How about you?” He replied, his voice sending shivers down his spine.

“Same here. By the way, this is Lee Taeyong. He will be planning your wedding.” Taeil turned to him. “Taeyong, this is Jung Jaehyun, my cousin. I’m trusting him to you, okay?”

 _What a small world._ Jaehyun turned to finally face him and offered his hand for a handshake while looking at him straight in the eyes, flashing that dimpled smile which knocked the air out of his lungs for so many times before.

“Nice to see you again, Yong. It’s been a while.”

Before Taeyong can respond, Taeil cut him off. “You two know each other?”

Without removing his gaze on Taeyong, Jaehyun answered, the dimpled smile still playing on his lips. “Oh, yes hyung. We know each other very well. Right, Taeyong hyung?”

Taeyong felt the heat spreading on his cheeks. He’s pretty sure all his blood was in his face right now because of the way Jaehyun was looking at him—taunting and amused.

He cleared his throat and extended his arm to return the handshake.

“Nice to see you again, too, Jung Jaehyun.”

Taeyong dropped the handshake immediately because maybe he was imagining it but it felt like his touch just burned the skin of his palms up to the very root of his soles. Still the same soft hands and the same lingering touch and yet it felt so different.

Jung Jaehyun is back. After five years, he’s finally here.

Taeil spoke again. “That’s good. You already know each other so this wedding will be smooth sailing then? I’ll let you guys talk in the conference room. And Jaehyun, congratulations again on your upcoming marriage.”

Taeyong bit the inside of his lips. Marriage. Right. He’s getting married that’s why he’s here. _Get it together, Taeyong._


	2. Of Wedding Themes and Silly Dreams

Taeyong opened the door of Taeil’s office and quickly stopped on his table to get his laptop and planning notebook. Doyoung audibly gasped as he stared at Taeyong and the man that was tailing him with surprised eyes and a mouth wide open.

Jaehyun spoke at his back. “Hello Doyoung, it’s been a while.”

Doyoung didn’t answer, he was just gaping at him and Jaehyun with shock and confusion. If he wasn’t so nervous and shocked, he would have laughed at his friend’s expression but he can’t because that’s what he probably looked like a while ago, too.

“Let’s go, Mr. Jung.” Taeyong led the way to the conference room.

“Please sit down, Mr. Jung. Make yourself comfortable,” he told the other as soon as they entered the room, unknowingly gripping the pen in his hand because of nervousness.

“Why are you so formal, Yong? It’s just me. Relax,” Jaehyun said, sitting on the chair in front of Taeyong.

Now that they are alone in a room together, Taeyong becomes so aware of the man sitting in front of him. He can smell Jaehyun from where he was sitting, the smell of his perfume—the calming yet intoxicating scent of musk and white suede with a subtle hint of delicate florals. It was the same perfume he’s been using before. The smell of the perfume is not really strong but Taeyong doesn’t know why it’s overwhelming his senses. He stares at the face of the man in front of him.

Of course he saw him in pictures, he is the heir of the Jung Group of Companies, after all. But for the love of all that’s holy, the pictures didn’t do him justice. He looked more mature compared to the last time he saw him years ago and yet somehow, he still looks the same. His skin remains like an untouched canvas, so perfectly clear, like they’ve never known what a stubble or an imperfection is. His hair was styled up which made him exude this heartthrob vibes that would even give James Dean a run for his money. The suit and tie brings out the luxurious feel on his face. There’s also a certain familiarity in the way his lips form a sheepish smile, taking him back to the days when he was at the receiving end of those smiles.

“Are you aware that you’re staring at me? Did you miss me that much? I’m flattered,” Jaehyun grinned which made Taeyong’s face as red as a tomato.

He averted his eyes to anywhere except to the man looking at him mischievously. “I wasn’t staring at you. I, uh, was staring behind you.”

Jaehyun looked at the plain marble wall on his back.

“Uhuh. Still the same Taeyong, I see.” Jaehyun smiled, the smile that shows both of his dimples. The smile that can knock the air out of anyone’s lungs.

_What the fuck am I thinking? Get it together, Taeyong._

Taeyong cleared his throat. “Can we now start with the wedding planning? May I ask where your bride or groom is? It would be easier to plan if you are both here.”

“It’s a bride. And she’s not here yet. She’ll be here in two months.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows raised, forehead knotting in both confusion and hesitation. “But it’s hard to plan a wedding without the bride. This is her wedding, after all. It would be nice if she’s here to oversee the wedding and have inputs on what she wants to see on her wedding day.”

Jaehyun met his gaze. “I know her well. I know what she wants. We already talked about the wedding that we want and we can talk on the phone if necessary. She’s a busy person, that’s why we hired a wedding planner. Isn’t overseeing the wedding your job?”

Taeyong bit his lower lip, lowering his gaze on the floor. “I’m sorry. I overstepped my boundaries.”

“I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean it to come out that way,” Jaehyun replied softly.

“No, it’s okay.” Taeyong cleared his throat again for God knows how many times already. He opened his laptop and typed ‘Jung Jaehyun’ on the groom’s name. “What’s the name of the bride?”

“Thalia. Thalia Liu,” he anwered.

Taeyong typed the name to the ‘Bride’s name’. Thalia Liu. T.L. They even have the same initials.

“Do you already have a date for the wedding?”

“No exact date yet, but two months from now.”

Taeyong cursed in his head. That’s a short time to plan a wedding.

“So what’s the theme of the wedding? Do you want it simple or adventurous? Church wedding? Or a beach wedding, perhaps?”

Jaehyun looked at him with his lips forming a tight line before answering. “You know Edward and Bella’s wedding, right? Outdoorsy type with trees and falling flowers and stuff but we want the design to be Tangled.”

Taeyong stopped typing and stared at Jaehyun bewilderedly. He knows that specific wedding theme very well.

“What?” Jaehyun asked, looking at him as if he doesn’t have any idea why Taeyong was throwing him looks of surprise and disbelief.

“That’s my wedding!” He couldn’t help but exclaim.

“Your wedding? Are you getting married too? Or are you already married?”

“No. But you know that’s my wedding, Jaehyun.”

“So you’re saying that you’re not engaged nor have you been married. Then how come it’s your wedding? As far as I know, there is no copyright on this wedding theme. Anyone can have it as an idea.”

“But...that’s my wedding,” Taeyong said almost inaudibly.

Jaehyun sighed and shrugged. “My fiancée is also a fan of Tangled and the Edward and Bella wedding. But if it really bothers you, then we will change the theme. I’ll just figure out a way to tell her that she can’t have the wedding that she wants because apparently, someone already owns it.”

Taeyong bit his lip. Of course he can’t argue when he puts it like that. “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m overreacting. So, uh, that’s the wedding theme. Okay. What about the color? And the food?”

“Color is those of Tangled. And for the food, Italian.”

Taeyong stared at him again.

“What? It’s your wedding again?”

“No,” Taeyong pursed his lips. “The wedding dress.”

“Don’t mind that. She already has one.”

“Okay. So I will need a list of the guests. Discuss the total estimated number with her and get back to me. I will be preparing options for your chosen theme so let’s discuss it on Monday, perhaps?”

“Monday’s fine.”

He jotted down the details on his notebook. “Okay, Mr. Jung. See you on Monday.”

“Call me Jaehyun, Yong. And it was really nice seeing you. I’ve missed you.”

Jaehyun smiled at him and left for the door. Taeyong was left staring at the closed door, heart beating erratically in his chest.

_What did I get myself into?_

**_—Neozone Club—_ **

“I really can’t believe what I was seeing this morning. I wasn’t even able to answer when Jung Jaehyun talked to me. I was so dumbfounded. Who knew I would ever see Taeyong and Jaehyun together again?” Doyoung said as he sip his Kick It martini drink.

They are in Neozone Club’s private booth with Ten, Sicheng and Jungwoo to have—as Ten’s dramatic ass likes to call it—an emergency meeting because of what happened that morning, or more accurately, _who_.

“We’re not together again. Don’t say it like that,” Taeyong said as he straight his Ballin’ Punch drink, the heat lining his throat. He knows that he has a low tolerance on alcohol but he can’t stop himself from drinking tonight.

_Jung Jaehyun. He’s back._

He drank again.

“Woah, watch the alcohol. We don’t want to carry your ass when your full-on drunk mode rages,” Sicheng said. Sicheng is also their college friend who’s currently working as a celebrity stylist.

Doyoung tapped his fingers as he sipped on his drink. “But you know what, it’s really weird that his fiancée also likes the Edward-Bella and Tangled wedding theme. How coincidental.”

“I agree. I mean, I would completely understand if it’s just Tangled or just the Breaking Dawn theme but to like the exact crossover of those two?” Ten shook his head.

“Well outdoor weddings are not really unique, you know. And Edward and Bella’s wedding is actually beautiful. I, for one, want to marry Edward Cullen or Eugene Fitzherbert,” Sicheng said rather dreamily.

“We’re talking about the wedding theme, not the groom.”

“Wait, speaking of the groom, we’re forgetting one important thing. Is he still hot?” Ten asked.

Doyoung looked at him incredulously. “Bitch, how is that important? And isn’t he still friends with Johnny?”

“Yes but I don’t join them when they’re facetiming or whatever so I don’t know what he looks like now. I only saw him in the news,” Ten answered.

“Okay, whatever. But let me tell you this, if he was hot when we were in uni, he’s waaaay hotter now,” Doyoung said.

Jungwoo, who was the youngest in the group and also a wedding planner in the Wedding Bells whom they took under their wings, whined. “Ugh, I hate that I was on the field today! I didn’t see Taeyong hyung’s hot ex boyfriend!”

“Hot ex boyfriend who is about to get married,” Ten pointed out. All eyes fell on Taeyong.

“What?” He asked, feigning innocence.

“Are you okay hyung?” Jungwoo asked him.

Taeyong filled his glass again. “Of course I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well for starters, the man you loved for so long is already getting married. Second, you’re the one planning his wedding with the wedding theme that you two talked about before. So in summary, you’re planning the wedding of the man you loved—or love? I don’t know if you still love him. So yeah, are you okay?” _Ahh Ten, always the outspoken one._

“I’m fine. You all need to shut the hell up, I’m dizzy.”

The group started to talked all at once—Sicheng saying that he’s not in charge of carrying Taeyong that night, Doyoung and Ten complaining about why he even drank so much and Jungwoo is frustrated about the fact that he’s the one carrying Taeyong’s drunken ass that night.

“And Ten,” Taeyong said amidst their endless whining, “I’m not in love with him anymore. Shut up.”

Ten just shrugged, patting his shoulders. “Whatever you say, Tae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos! I didn’t think someone would actually read this. 
> 
> Next few chapters would be a flashback on how they met and their relationship before. 
> 
> If you have anything to say or want to see something here, drop a comment ♥️
> 
> Ps. Happiest birthday to our Moon Taeil 🌙🥳


	3. Oh, Silly Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Just note that this chapter and the next few ones are set seven years ago.

Taeyong was welcomed by the loud noise as he entered the 7th Sense bar. He was about to meet his friends Sicheng, Doyoung and Ten to talk about the latter’s recent heartbreak. Doyoung was waving his hand from the booth that was on the corner of the club. He was greeted by Sicheng’s big hug and a crying Ten.

“What took you so long? My heart is shattered into pieces and I feel like my skin is too oily and my makeup’s all ruined now,” Ten said while bawling his eyes out.

“Sorry Tennie. I had to submit the revised budget for the dance club before the school year starts.” Taeyong sat on the seat next to Doyoung. “What happened to you? Who do I need to fight? I will not hesitate to break his bones, crush them to ashes, and feed them to the sharks.”

“His boyfriend of two weeks—now ex-boyfriend—cheated on him,” Doyoung answered, pushing the White Night tequila to Ten.

“What?! I haven’t even met that guy yet! What was his name again?”

“Jung Jaehoon.”

Ten cried harder.

“Oh come on, Ten. Why are you crying over a boy? You’re better than that. You’re smart, talented and a loyal bitch. He doesn’t deserve a single tear,” Doyoung said, obviously fed up about this ‘crying over a guy’ thing—or maybe fed up with men in general, he’s not entirely sure.

“He’s right,” Sicheng added. “And you’re beautiful. Stop crying over him, he’s replaceable. Look around, there are a lot of bangable guys here.”

This seemed to put some sense on Ten’s head. “You guys are so right! We’re in a club, I’m gonna find me a man to take home tonight! Fuck you, Jung Jaehoon!” Ten turned to Sicheng, “Can you check if my makeup’s fine? I used a waterproof eyeliner but I’m not sure if it does the job well.”

Sicheng inspected his face for smudged makeup. “You’re fine. I have to see that eyeliner later. I’m amazed. Your cateye is still as sharp as a knife.”

Ten stood up and went straight to the dance floor.

Taeyong was hesitant to go after Ten because one, he’s really tired today since he was up all night finishing the budget of their dance club, and two, he’s not really in the mood to dance because, well, he’s tired. “Uh, guys? Shouldn’t we stop him? Or go after him or something?”

Doyoung just waved his hand dismissively. “Nah. That’s Ten. When he says he’ll find a man, he will find a man.”

They watched Ten on the dance floor while they sipped their drinks on the booth.

“I don’t even know why he’s crying over that asshole. They flirted for a week and they were together for just two weeks. I didn’t even cry when Yuta and I broke up one time and we’ve been together for a year,” Sicheng lamented, rolling his eyes.

“Well, you and Yuta never take your break ups seriously,” he said, quote-unquoting the words ‘break ups’ with his fingers. “You fight and make up like nothing happened. And anyway, maybe it was the cheating part that’s bothering Ten? Ugh, I haven’t even met that guy yet and I want to kick him in the balls already,” Taeyong slammed his fist at the table, downing his fruity Cherry Bomb margarita.

“Taeyong, you bitch. Hold your alcohol. We know you’re a skinny legend but you’re quite heavy, sweetie.” Doyoung continued, “And I heard Ten said that the cheating asshole is a Business Management student. I don’t know how you’re gonna kick his balls, there are so many business students in this university.”

“Huh, Ten really is that bitch, huh?” Sicheng muttered suddenly, eyes on the dance floor where Ten was already making out with a tall guy.

Taeyong laughed. “That’s my Tennie.”

——————————————

Taeyong walked to his Biology class with a coffee in hand. He’s a Fine Arts student but Biology is a required subject for all the students to take in their school. Several students are already in the lecture hall. He sat down on a seat at the back of two girls in the middle of the hall because he’s always sleepy enough to be in front and his eyesight is shit enough to be at the back.

“I heard Jung Jaehyun is taking this class. He’s so handsome, I hope he sits beside me,” Taeyong heard the other girl say.

Jung Jaehyun? Why does it sound familiar?

“I know, right? Thank God we’re all required to take Biology class. We’ll get to see him even if he’s from Business Management,” the other girl giggled.

He silently rolled his eyes. They’re thankful Biology is a required subject just because of a guy?

Wait a minute.

Business Management? Jung Jaehyun?

_Fuck, that’s Ten’s cheating ex!_

“Excuse me? Can you please move over? There are no empty seats anymore,” a man in a dark brown turtleneck with a light brown denim jacket asked Taeyong. And wow, what a face. What a very handsome face.

He must have been staring because the man raised his eyebrows at him. “Did you hear what I said? Please move over. The class is starting soon.”

“Oh um yeah, okay.” _Wow, he’s rude._ He moved to the next empty seat to let the rude man with a very handsome face sit beside him.

The man placed his bag on the table. Taeyong tried his best to focus on anything except to the person sitting beside him because damn, the rude, handsome fucker smells so good.

Taeyong noticed that the two girls who were chatting a while ago were now silent and currently staring at the man beside him.

“Oh my god,” he heard the other one whispered, “that’s Jung Jaehyun!”

 _What?! Jung Jaehyun?_ He looked at the man beside him again.

_This is Jung Jaehyun? Ten’s ex?_

Yes, he’s freakishly attractive and the smell of his perfume pleasantly tickled his senses that he felt like he could sniff him all day but _so what?_ He’s a cheater. And he’s rude!

“Wow,” Taeyong cannot help but exclaim disgustingly. The man—now named Jung Jaehyun—didn’t look at him. Taeyong decided that this man needs to hear a piece of his mind.

But before he could say anything, the professor arrived. “Good morning everyone, I’m your professor for this class. My name is Do Kyung Soo.”

————————————————

The class ended early because it’s the first day of classes. The professor talked about the outline for the lessons but Taeyong can’t remember anything because he was busy gathering his thoughts to let this Jaehyun guy have it. As the students were starting to disperse, Jung Jaehyun also walked towards the door. Taeyong gathered his things quickly and followed him. Jung Jaehyun walked so fast that Taeyong was actually running just to catch up with him. “Hey!” Taeyong shouted but Jaehyun continued walking. “Jung Jaehyun!”

Jung Jaehyun stopped and turned to him. “What do you need? If you’re here to confess your feelings like the others, I’m not interested.” He continued to walk again.

Taeyong was bewildered. What did he just say? Confess? The audacity?! He followed him and grabbed his arm because the man walks really fast and he badly needs to take a fucking breath. “What are you talking about? I don’t even like you!”

Jaehyun shrugged, “Okay”. He was about to walk again but Taeyong stopped him, still holding his arm. He looked at him straight in the eyes with determination on his face. “Ten. You know him, right? The one you cheated on? I’m his friend.”

Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know a Ten and I don’t know you.” He removed his hand that was still holding his arm and started walking again.

He doesn’t know Ten? After cheating on him? What a scumbag. Taeyong ran after him and pulled his bag that was slung to his left shoulder to stop him but the bag was open and the things inside fell. “Oh my god, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Taeyong apologized. He hurriedly helped pick the things that fell but Jaehyun stopped him. He picked his things and faced Taeyong, irritation evident on his face.

“I said I don’t know your friend and I don’t care if he’s been cheated on or not. Get lost and mind your own business.” He continued walking but Taeyong was left there standing, dumbfounded on how rude the man was.

“He doesn’t care?” Taeyong shouted, “Asshole!”

He was about to leave, too when he felt something on his feet. He looked down and saw a bundle of keys. He picked it up. “These must be his keys.” He was about to run to Jung Jaehyun to return them but he remembered what he said before he left.

“Mind your own business huh? Let’s see, you asshole.”


	4. Keys Me

  
“What? Ten’s ex is your classmate? What a small world.”

They were having lunch together at the school cafeteria. Taeyong told them about his rude encounter with Ten’s ex and how he got his keys and is now asking them how to take revenge.

“But that’s weird,” Ten said, brows furrowed. “It’s weird that he’s rude because that motherfucker is a flirt. He’s sociable, that’s how he gets people to flirt with him. And with a face like yours Tae, I know he wouldn’t miss the chance to flirt with you.”

“Well I’m glad he didn’t because I would literally poke his eyes if he did,” Taeyong said while absentmindedly playing with Jung Jaehyun’s keys in his fingers.

“What do you even want to do with his keys, Taeyong? Are you planning on stealing his car? We can thrash his tires, too.” Sicheng said while eating his popsicle dessert.

“I don’t know, actually. I’m gonna think about it until tomorrow since we’ll have that same class again. Anyway, how was the dicking down the other night, Ten? Was it worth ditching your friends?”

“Oh it was good! But I left as soon as I woke up. One-night stands are awkward when you see each other eye to eye in the morning.”

Doyoung looked at him incredulously. “So it’s okay to be boyfriends and cry over someone you’ve been flirting with for just a week but you draw the line at waking up with your one-night stands?”

“Well, if you put it that way. Hmm, the whole idea sounded better in my head. I’m not gonna lie though, I’m kinda regretting leaving early. He was really good. My best one-night stand so far. And I’m not even talking about the size yet.”

Taeyong raised his hand in front of Ten’s mouth. “Oh, hell no. No, sir. We are  _ not _ talking about the details of your sex life.”

“Boo! You’re just jealous my ass is being filled with some good dicking. I told you we should go bar hopping to end your sex drought. That’s why you’re all cranky. Look at me and Sicheng, we’re just chill.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I agree with Ten, you need to get laid. It’s been what? Years?” Sicheng added with a genuine concern on his face. Taeyong didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or be annoyed.

“Why am I suddenly the topic of discussion? Doyoung doesn’t have one, too. Pester him.”

Doyoung smirked. “Who said I don’t?”

They all raised their eyebrows at him.

“I always knew you had this hoeish aura around you. I’m proud,” Ten said while nodding approvingly on Doyoung.

“This is unfair! You never tell us anything!” Taeyong protested.

Doyoung just gave him a pat in the head. “All in the right time, my beautiful hoe.”

————

Taeyong walked with the stream of people towards the Biology lecture hall. There were already a lot of students occupying the seats, including the seat he occupied yesterday. He chose an empty seat in the middle of the hall and settled.

He was busy scrolling through his phone when he saw a shadow casting above him. He looked up and was greeted by Jung Jaehyun’s stern face. Taeyong smiled at him.

“If it isn’t the rude asshole.”

“Where are my keys?” He asked, face distorted in a grimace.

Taeyong’s smile got wider. He suddenly got an idea. “I’m sorry. Your what? I didn’t quite hear you.”

Jaehyun’s voice got louder, enough for the other students to hear him. “My keys. Where are my keys?”

“Your  _kiss_ _?_ ” Taeyong playfully looked around. Theother students were already watching them. “Baby, I’ll give you your kiss later, not here. We’re in public, sweetheart.”

Jaehyun’s ears got so red, it looked like they were about to burst. If he wasn’t such a rude, cheating bastard, Taeyong might’ve found it surprisingly adorable. Unfortunately, the man is frustratingly annoying so he will just enjoy his discomfort.

The students around them started whispering. 

“ _Are they together?”_

_“Are they dating?”_

_“Is that Jung Jaehyun’s boyfriend? Wow, he’s very handsome, too. ”_

“I’m not—“ Jaehyun started but was interrupted by the arrival of the professor.

“All right, class. Settle down.”

Jaehyun had no choice but to sit on the empty seat next to Taeyong and looked at him with deadly stares. “We’re not done yet,” he said through gritted teeth.

Taeyong smiled at him sweetly, “Mind your business,  _sweetie_.”

——————

The lecture ended with the professor giving them a project. _Who the fuck gives a project on the second day of classes?_ The project is to be done by partners who are sitting next to each other so Taeyong and Jaehyun are automatically partners.

“Guess we’ll be talking to each other more, partner.” Taeyong said as he started gathering his things to his bag.

Jaehyun stood up and faced him. “Stop calling me that and give me back my keys.”

“What should I call you then? Babe? Sweetie? Honey? Baby?” Jaehyun just glared at him. “Why are you so sure that I have your keys anyway?”

“I went back to that place where my things fell yesterday. It wasn’t there and I was sure I put my keys in my bag before I left the lecture hall.”

“Could’ve been anybody else, you know.”

“Tell me you don’t have it then.”

“Oh I have it.” Taeyong started walking out of the lecture hall while Jaehyun followed.

“We’re still talking. Give it back or I’ll report you to the Dean’s office.”

Taeyong continued to walk. “Then do it. You don’t even have proof that I have it.”

“Lee Taeyong, give me my keys.”

Taeyong stopped walking and narrowed his eyes on him. “So you _do_ know me.”

“Your name is all over your notebooks.”

“Suspicious.” He fished out his phone in his pocket and texted their group chat.  _Where are you guys?_ “ Follow me first. Let’s talk about the project.”

“You are so frustrating.” Jaehyun’s patience is wearing thin and Taeyong is enjoying every moment of it.

His phone beeped.

**Doyoung** : Japanese place in front of campus. Just go here, we’re starving.

**Taeyong** : On my way!

Taeyong looked at Jaehyun who was still following him with an evidently annoyed face. “Will you really keep on denying your ex boyfriend whom you cheated on?”

“This again? Is this why you’re not giving back my keys? I told you I don’t know your friend.”

“Let’s see.” They entered the Japanese restaurant and spotted his friends Doyoung, Ten and Sicheng with his boyfriend, Yuta on the table at the corner. 

“What took you so long? We’re starving,” Ten said. 

“Who’s that?” Doyoung asked, referring to Jaehyun.

“Jaehyun?” It was Yuta.  _He knows this cheating asshole?_ “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Yuta.”

“Wait, Yuta. You know Ten’s ex-boyfriend?” Taeyong asked. _This is really a small world._

Yuta’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Ten’s ex boyfriend?”

Taeyong faced Jaehyun, squinting his eyes on the latter, daring him to lie. “Now tell me you don’t know Ten.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes on him. “I don’t know him.”

“Wow. How are you so shameless? You even dare to lie in front of his face after you cheated on him? You’re such an asshole. A trash. A sad excuse for a human being.” Taeyong was gritting his teeth. His blood was boiling because of this man who dared to lie in front of them.

“Um, Taeyong,” Ten held his arm and pushed him away from Jaehyun. “He’s not my ex boyfriend.”

Taeyong looked at Ten quizzically. “What? But that’s Jung Jaehyun. Business Management student, right?”

Yuta put his arms over Jaehyun’s shoulders. “Taeyong, this is _Jung Jaehyun_. Ten’s ex is  _Jung Jaehoon_.” 

Taeyong was speechless. His soul might have even left his body for all he knows. He stared at Jaehyun with wide eyes, unbelieving of what he just heard.

It was Doyoung who broke the silence. “Taeyong, you dumb bitch.”

Jaehyun was now smirking, “Now give me my keys,  _ baby_.”

Taeyong absentmindedly fetched the keys that were in his bag’s pocket and handed it to Jaehyun.

“Let’s talk about the project some other time.” He turned to Yuta, “Bro, I’ll be going,” then took one last look and smirk to Taeyong and said, “An asshole? A trash? A sad excuse for a human being?” 

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He can’t process anything but the fact that he was so embarrassed at that moment, he would worship the ground if it decided to open up and swallow him whole.

Jaehyun shook his head and maybe Taeyong was imagining it but did Jaehyun just smile?  _Wait, he has two dimples? _ He was in an embarrassing situation but damn, he can’t deny that the man is really handsome. Jaehyun left, leaving a red, embarrassed, and confused Taeyong.

Taeyong’s knees gave in. “Oh. My. God.”

“Hyung, that was embarrassing!” Sicheng can’t contain his laughter and the rest of their friends laugh with him. 

“Oh my god, you pestered the wrong guy!”


	5. Empty Seats

Taeyong took a peek inside the lecture hall from the door. When he was sure that the person he’s trying to avoid was not there yet, he hurriedly ran towards an empty seat on the far-end corner at the back of the hall.

_ He probably won’t notice me here, right?_

He was trying to earnestly avoid Jung Jaehyun. He was even wearing a hoodie even if it’s scorching hot outside just so the said man could not notice him. He cringes every time he remembers the last time they saw each other.

_ “You’re such an asshole. A trash. A sad excuse for a human being.” _

He shuddered then buried his face frustratingly on the desk.

It turns out that Jung Jaehyun and Jung Jaehoon are two different people. Ten showed him a picture of the Jaehoon guy and they look nothing alike. It would actually be stupid to mistake them as each other.

_ “God, Tae. We really need to have your ears checked.” Ten shook his head while poking a sashimi that was in front of them. _

_ “In my defense, the club was loud when you told me his name. Hey, it happens, okay?” He tried to defend himself. It was completely possible to mishear the name, right? _

_ “Not when you annoyed him to death. You even called him babe, baby, honey, sweetheart. The bravery!” Ten added, laughing at his misery. Taeyong threw looks of daggers at him. _

_ Doyoung rolled his eyes. “That’s not bravery, that’s plain stupidity.” _

_ “How many times did he tell you that he doesn’t know Ten?” Sicheng asked. _

_ Taeyong bit the inside of his lower lip before answering. “Uh, a lot?” _

_ “And yet you still bothered him?” _

_ “Again, in my defense, I thought he was just denying...” He sighed in defeat. “Okay fine, I was stupid. He’ll get over it.” _

_ Yuta winced and looked at him like this is the last time he’s going to see him unscathed. “Knowing Jaehyun, he’s not the type to forgive and forget easily.” _

Taeyong thought so hard if he would approach him to apologize or not. Jung Jaehyun looks like the type to not care. But he also thought that it would be rude not to give him a proper apology. He did pester him for a misunderstanding (stupidity, as his friends call it), after all.

His mind has been going in circles choosing between those two choices. In the end, he decided that the world won’t stop spinning if he decided to be a coward. So there he was, wearing a thick hoodie that’s too big and too hot for him on a sunny morning, sitting on the far-end place at the back of the lecture hall even if his shit excuse of an eyesight is making him suffer and praying to God that Jung Jaehyun would wake up with a selective amnesia and forget about all the things he said to him.

He felt someone took a seat beside him. He almost fell down on his seat when he saw who it was.

Of course all his luck decided to abandon him today. Of fucking course, it would be Jung Jaehyun.

He was wearing a white shirt inside an open green and black flannel, black pants and white sneakers and if he isn’t the epitome of a college heartthrob, he doesn’t know who is. He immediately turned to look away before Jaehyun could sense that he was staring at him.

He unconsciously bit his nails, a thing he always do when he’s nervous. _Did he know that he is sitting beside me?_

His question was answered when the other turned to face him. 

“Why are you wearing a thick hoodie? It’s fifty degrees outside.”

He winced. Just how much of his embarrassment will he witness? “No it’s not. I feel cold.”

“Uhuh. Is that why there’s sweat trickling in your forehead? Are you perhaps wearing that because you think I won’t notice you? You’re trying to hide from me?”

Taeyong felt his cheeks blush. _Just why? Why does his mouth lack filter? Doesn’t he have enough decency to not mention what he’s thinking all the time?_ But then again, he’s not in a place to talk about basic human decency to him considering the lack of tact on his own words and shamelessness on his previous accusations.

“O-of course not. Why would I hide from you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m an asshole? A trash? A sad excuse for a human being?” He smirked.

Taeyong wanted the grounds of the lecture hall to open up and engulf him into nothingness. He opened his mouth to try to say something but closed it again. He settled on pulling his hoodie up to his eyes and turned the other way.

“Are you embarrassed? Don’t be. You just mistook me as your friend’s cheating boyfriend and told me that I’m an asshole, a trash and a sad excuse for a human being. Oh, and you even took my keys and said you’re going to give me a kiss in front of the other students. That happens.”

On a normal day, Taeyong will not hesitate to fight him on the spot so that he can wipe the smug look on his face. But when he turned to him again and saw him smiling mischievously, eyes sparkling trying to stifle a laugh, Taeyong cannot help but admit that he is indeed a weak man because the sight is just too cute for him to handle.

“I-I’m sorry,” he blurted and immediately wondered if he was suddenly under a spell because _did those eyes really made him say sorry?_ What sorcery is this?

“For what?”

He huffed the excess air on his mouth and sighed audibly. “For mistaking you as my friend’s cheating ex and for calling you...those things.”

Jaehyun looked at him with a fake confusion plastered on his face. _Disgustingly cute._ “Hmm. What things?”

“A trash and a sad excuse for a human being.”

He raised his brows in confusion and slight amusement. “Huh? What about being an asshole?”

“Well you’re obviously enjoying my embarrassment so that asshole part still holds true.”

He smiled at the comment, showing his two dimples. Taeyong tried so hard to resist poking them.  _Fucking hate cute boys, ugh._

“Okay,” he said. “If you’re really sorry, let’s have lunch together.”

Taeyong blinked at him, completely baffled. Did he hear him right? “W-what?”

The other just sat there and answered him nonchalantly.

“Lunch. Eat lunch with me.” 

———————

Taeyong followed Jaehyun to his car. He was still conflicted because of the sudden invitation for lunch that he’s honestly considering just sprinting away from him. Does he have a hidden agenda? Will a mob of his admirers be there to condemn him for that  _little_ _misunderstanding?_ Is a poisoned lunch waiting for him to end his existence?

“Get in,” Jaehyun said as he went inside the driver’s seat. Taeyong took a deep breath and decided to follow. _It’s just a lunch, right?_ He admits that he was stupid, after all. He really needs to have his ears checked. And maybe his head, too, since it’s overflowing with stupidity lately.

“Where are we going?” He asked when they’re both inside the car. The car smells like a mix of his musky suede-scented perfume and a lavender car freshener.

Instead of answering, Jaehyun leaned into him. He was so close that he could even smell his lavender-scented shampoo because of the close proximity.  _What is it with him and lavenders? What is he smelling so distractingly good for? Fucking annoying._

“W-w-what are you doing?”

“Your seatbelt,” he said as he buckled his seatbelt for him.

“Well you could have just told me! I can buckle it myself.” He fidgeted, unconsciously biting the inside of his cheek.

“Why are you so flustered? What? Did you think I was going to kiss you?” He said, the smug look back in his face again.

“Wha—no!” He shrieked, silently praying that his embarrassment was masked by his loud voice.

Jaehyun just chuckled.

The first time he interacted with him, he thought his facial expressions were only capable of a poker face, grimace, annoyance—anything that doesn’t involve the facial muscles to form into a curve of a smile. But there he was, bright face showing a set of dimples possibly as deep as an ocean. And for that, he’s now convinced that the man is set to destroy him today. If he’s really going to give him a poisoned lunch, at least one of the last things he’ll get to see is a smiling Jaehyun. Yeah, he’s not gonna tell a single soul about that.

“Where do you want to eat?” He asked afterwards.

“I don’t know. You pick.”

“I’m asking you. What’s your favorite?”

“Well, I love sweets.”

“We can’t eat sweets for lunch.”

“Why not? That’s stupid.”

“Taeyong, you need real food for lunch.”

“Hey, sweets are real food, too.”

He just stared at him, still waiting for an answer.

“Fine, I’m craving for Italian food.”

“Okay,” he said as he started the car to drive.

After a few minutes, Jaehyun parked in front of Regulate, a five-star restaurant within a ten-minute drive from their campus.

Taeyong looked at him in disbelief. “Please tell me you just parked here.”

“No, we’re eating here. Why?”

“Why are we eating lunch in a five-star restaurant? It’s just lunch, dude. We still have classes after. Aren’t you going overboard with this?”

Jaehyun looked at him with genuine confusion etched on his face and you never heard it from him but he looked so adorable that he badly wanted to pinch his cheeks. “You said you want Italian. This is the best place for Italian cuisine.”

“If I eat here, I won’t be able to eat for a month. The food are priced like gold. A glass of water is even more expensive than my kpop album.”

Jaehyun just laughed. “It’s my treat. Now get off the car, I’m starving.”

Taeyong hesitated but eventually followed. It would be his treat, after all. He won’t argue with that. Besides, he’s starving, too.

The  maître d’  approached them as they enter the glass doors of the restaurant. “Good afternoon, Mr. Jung. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Good afternoon, Mr. Park. A table for two, please.”

“This way, sir.” He led them to a table near a flowering tree. The restaurant was luxuriously beautiful, his eyes were sparkling just by looking at the interior. There were several trees inside that it actually felt like they’re dining outdoors. There were also chandeliers on each tables that were unlit because of the sun’s natural light washing throughout the place. The interior design looked really fancy that he felt extremely underdressed in his oversized hoodie and ripped jeans.

He asked Jaehyun to order for him since he looked like he knew the place well so he must also know what tastes good.

“Are you a regular here?” He asked him when the maître d’  left to get their orders. “Why does he know you? Is this where you always bring your dates?”

Jaehyun turned to him, a mischievous glint on his eyes. “So you think this is a date?”

“No! I didn’t say that!” Taeyong gasped defensively, looking visibly mortified by the other man’s boldness.

Jaehyun just chuckled, completely pleased about teasing him. “This is my mom’s favorite restaurant so we always eat here. You’re the first person I brought here.”

Taeyong tried to focus on the restaurant’s interior just so Jaehyun won’t see the blush spreading on his cheeks.

“You’re blushing, that’s cute.”

“Shut up. I’m not. It’s the lighting.”

“It’s afternoon, Taeyong. The lights here are natural when it’s lunch time.”

“Whatever.”

He laughed again.

“Stop laughing at me.”

“I can’t help it, you’re cute.”

“Oh my god, are you flirting with me?” Taeyong cannot help but gasped. Again, proving his point that the man was set to destroy him today.

“Am I? I don’t know. You tell me. I never flirted with anyone for so long so I don’t know if this is flirting or not.”

Taeyong could suddenly feel his heart thumping in his ribcage. For what reason, he will just pretend that he didn’t know. He was saved by the arrival of their food.

“You know, this whole smiling and laughing thing is weirding me out,” he said as he took a bite of his creamy garlic parmesan pasta, the savory taste melting on his tongue as he tried to focus on anything but the man in front of him.

“What do you mean?” He asked, eyes boring at him inquisitively while a small smile plays on his mouth.

“That. You’re suddenly smiling and laughing and grinning. I don’t know, this whole bright face agenda. I’m not used to it. Go back to being rude.”

“I’m not rude.”

“Oh trust me, you are. Remember when you first sat with me on the first day of class?” He asked, his eyes daring him to deny it.

“Ah, that.”

“Yeah. You even told me to mind my own business.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t noticed,” he answered, placing him under those intense eyes that’s making him paralyzed on his seat.

“Noticed what?”

“That there were still a lot of empty seats left when I sat with you.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows in confusion. “What does that mean?”

He shook his head while looking at him like he’s dumb. “You’re not that smart, are you?”

“Hey!”

“Think about it. And I told you to mind your own business because you accused me of being a cheater.”

Taeyong winced at the comment. “I’m sorry. But what about it? You could’ve just shrugged it off knowing it’s not true.”

“Hmm,” he mused, debating whether to tell him further or not. He settled on a shrug. “It’s a seventh date kind of topic.”

“Seventh date?” he asked, not minding the gush of unknown things that were making his stomach feels like it’s being tugged.

“Yeah. I’ll tell you when we get there, ” he nonchalantly answered, like he didn’t just made Taeyong stunned by those words.

The table was silent for a moment, only the sound of clicking cutlery and the string quartet playing Can’t Help Falling In Love can be heard but even that seemed faint to the silent thumping of his heart that was trying so hard to go unnoticed but failing miserably.

“You are.” Taeyong said, trying to sound calm despite the raging whirlpool in his stomach.

“I’m what?”

“I think you’re flirting with me.”

There it was again, the smile spreading on his face as he took a sip of water before answering. “I think so, too.”

————————

“What? He said he likes you? Oh my god, Tae. You bagged a cute one!” Ten squealed beside him.

“He didn’t say he liked me. He said that he didn’t know if he was flirting or not,” Taeyong answered, having a mouthful of caramel popcorn to conceal the heat spreading on his face.

They were at Sicheng’s house to have their weekly movie marathon together with Yuta, Sicheng’s boyfriend. He told them about Jaehyun inviting him to lunch and what happened to the said lunch which made him blush the whole day.

Taeyong still doesn’t know if the man was messing with him or not. Was he just getting even by teasing him that he’s flirting with him? Or does he really like him?

“Well I think he likes you. He even treated you to a five-star restaurant,” Doyoung chimed.

“I don’t think so. He’s just enjoying my embarrassment. He keeps on laughing at me.”

“He did?” Yuta asked, amusement painted on his face.

“Yeah. He keeps on teasing me about what I’ve said when we were all in the Japanese restaurant even before the class started.”

Yuta just nodded, a suspicious and amused smile on his face.

“What?” Sicheng asked him.

“Nothing, babe,” he answered, still having that suspicious smile.

Sicheng squinted his eyes at his boyfriend. “That face doesn’t look ‘nothing’ to me. Spill.”

Yuta had no choice but to tell what’s on his mind. Whipped. “Well, Jaehyun is not the type to smile a lot, what more a laugh? He’s quite a snob, and trust me, that’s putting it lightly.”

“I noticed,” he muttered.

“Yeah,” Yuta continued. “He has lots of girls and boys confessing to him and he straight up rudely tells them off. And what he said was right, he never flirted with anyone for a while. So him being cheeky to you, well, take a guess.”

Ten squealed again and shook his shoulders, obviously into the idea that Jaehyun likes him. “Oh my god, Tae. So he does like you!”

“Shut up. He’s just messing with me because I annoyed him so much. That’s it. He even said that I wasn’t really smart. That ass.”

“Why? What made him say that? Imma tell him to square up.”

“Well, I told him that he’s rude and he said that he wasn’t, then I pointed out what happened in the first day of class, you know, when he basically ordered me to move to the next seat. Then he said that he’s surprised that I didn’t notice that there were a lot of seats left so I asked him what does that mean then he said ‘You’re not that smart, are you?’”

His friends fell silent. They all just looked at him like how Jaehyun looked at him a while back but this time, there was an evident frustration on their faces.

“What?”

“Tae, you really are not that smart, eh?” Doyoung mused, face looking disappointed.

“Oh God. Did you hit your head hard somewhere?” Sicheng sighed, sporting the same disappointment as Doyoung.

Taeyong was genuinely confused. What were they so disappointed for? “Well, what should I be getting with what he said? So what if there were a lot of empty seats?”

Ten frustratingly threw a popcorn at him which he immediately dodged. “For starters, you could be getting a hot boyfriend if you’re not the dumb bitch that you are. There were a lot of seats but he chose to sit beside you. He could’ve sat somewhere else. Why do you think?”

Realization washed through him together with the blush spreading through his cheeks, all unfolded with a single word, “Oh.”

“Wow, you’re blushing? Taeyongie has a crush!” Doyoung laughed at his beet-red face, eventually joined by their other friends.

“Shut up! I don’t have a crush on him. I admit he looks devilishly handsome but at the same time adorably cute when he smiles and he also smells great but that’s it.”

They fakely nod their heads in unison, smiling at him knowingly and obviously showing that they don’t believe him.

“It’s true!” He insisted.

“Well I think you should go for him,” Sicheng said then turned to Yuta. “He treated Taeyong to a fancy restaurant. Is he rich?”

“Oh, you really don’t know? He’s the sole heir to Jung Group of Companies.”

“What?!” The four of them shrieked. The Jung family is one of the richest in Asia. They own lots of businesses—telecommunications, entertainment, and electronics production just to name a few.

“Oh my god, it’s true. So this is why he’s so popular,” Ten said while holding his phone. He showed them the search result for Jung Jaehyun.

“Damn Taeyong, if you don’t like him then can I?” Ten said jokingly.

“No,” Taeyong answered unconsciously, almost a reflex.

Ten grinned at him.

_We haven’t had that seventh date yet,_ he thought to himself.


	6. Something in the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short word vomit on a rainy day.

Taeyong entered the doors of the coffeehouse and the distinct aroma of coffee beans being pressed filled his nose immediately, making the weariness from his dance practice melt off of his body. He needed a caffeine boost because he still has an essay to finish that is not really due but he wanted to finish it already so he can free his weekend and sleep it all off.

He leaned on the counter where he was greeted by the bright face of a lady asking for his order.

“Caramel macchiato to go, please. Thank you,” he smiled at her as he moved to the side to wait for his order.

“So you like your coffee sweet?” His heart almost dropped as a voice materialized behind him.

He looked for the source of the voice and was greeted by Jaehyun’s face who was busying himself scrolling on his phone. He was wearing a blue polo folded up to his elbows and tucked inside his black jeans and black loafers. Your typical boy-next-door look—considering your next-door is a mansion with automatic gates and probably twenty cars at a minimum, housing one of asia’s richest family.

“What are you doing here? Stalking me now?”

Jaehyun gave him an amused look. “Slow down, sweetheart. I’m here to get coffee, too. I just noticed you when I was inside already. That pink hair’s not really hard to miss,” he said and turned to the cashier to say his order. “Iced americano, three shots with breve. Thank you.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” he said when the said man moved to his side, also waiting for his order.

“Why not? You called me that, among other words, right? Baby, sweetie, honey? Rings a bell?”

“Yeah, and you told me to stop calling you those.”

“As far as I can remember, I never told you to stop calling me those. I do remember telling you to stop calling me ‘partner’ though. Although looking back, I don’t mind you calling me that, too.”

His response was cut off when the barista shouted from the counter. “Caramel macchiato for Taeyong.”

He grabbed his coffee and took a quick glance at Jaehyun. “I’m going now,” he said and turned towards the door but he was stopped when he felt Jaehyun’s hand pressing on his palm.

“Wait for me,” he said while still holding his hand.

Taeyong stood frozen on his spot, eyes falling on his hand that is being held by the other, not failing to notice the soft touch pressing on his palms as his grip hardened. He felt a twist inside his ribcage that he cannot point a finger quite yet—or more likely, don’t want to.

“Iced americano, three shots with breve for Jaehyun,” he heard the barista called. Jaehyun walked towards the counter to get his order, pulling him along because he still didn’t let go of his hand.

He muttered his thanks and turned to him, face morphed into a bright smile. “Come on, I’ll drive you home,” he said as he lightly dragged him out of the coffeehouse.

Taeyong was whisked out of his reverie when Jaehyun opened the passenger’s door for him. “Wait, uh. It’s fine. You don’t have to drive me home. I can take the bus.”

“Just think of it as saving the environment through carpooling.”

“Taking the bus is basically carpooling, too, Jaehyun.”

The other smiled wider upon the mention of his name, making his ears paint a beautiful shade of red. Taeyong can’t help but smile amusedly.

“Just get in,” he insisted and Taeyong gave in. This is to save the environment. That’s it. Not because he found the flustered man adorable on his red ears and dimply smiles. Definitely not.

“Why are your ears so red?” He asked when Jaehyun placed himself on the driver’s seat.

“Because I like it when you say my name.”

It was his turn to blush a shade of pink, trying his best to mitigate it by averting his eyes while taking a sip on his coffee.

He heard the other man chuckled. “Where am I driving you to?”

“Neo Center district. Just two blocks when you take a right from the fourth bus stop.”

“Okay,” he said as he started the engine of his car. Taeyong took a peek at him as modest as he could. He casted a look at his hands that was on the steering wheel, minding the fact that just a few minutes ago, that hand was holding his and with that, a feeling of unknown lightness started growing on his chest, enveloping him with a warmth that radiates on his whole body.

“Why are you staring at my hand? If you want to hold it again, just say so. I can make the car in an assisted-driving mode.”

Taeyong immediately focused his eyes on the road in front. “Are you really this shameless?”

“Woah, now I’m shameless?” He asked, the dimples starting to show as a small smile plays on the corners of his mouth. “I thought we both agreed that I am flirting with you?”

“Okay, let’s say you really are. But I’m drawing the line, I’m not flirting with you, alright?”

“Are you really not?” Taeyong was about to protest when he cut him off. “Alright, alright. All I’m saying is that I don’t just call anyone baby, honey, sweetie if I’m not flirting with them,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders, a sheepish smile playing on his face.

“I didn’t—I wasn’t, I, um...” He took a deep breath and sighed, frustrated on being teased by the other once again.

Jaehyun chuckled. “Relax. You know, for someone who’s  _ not flirting_, you’re flustered easily.”

Taeyong tried his best to maintain his poor attempt of composure, shifting his gaze as he tried to focus on the passing city landscape on the window.

“So did you figure it out already?” Jaehyun asked, placing him under those intense eyes as they stopped on a red light. Taeyong felt like his eyes were fire and he was a candle melting to it.

“Figured out what?”

“The mystery of the empty seats when I sat with you on the first day of class.”

_Oh, that._ The thought made Taeyong feel the gut on his stomach again as he mulled over the possible reason on why the other sat beside him.

“I have a hypothesis. It still lacks evidence to be considered a proper theory though.”

“Do tell. Let’s see if we can make that hypothesis a fact.”

He eyed him cautiously, readying himself for the possible fit of laughter that he will get from the other. “It can’t be because you like me, right? I mean, the doors of the lecture hall was at the back so you only saw my back when you entered.”

“I did tell you that your pink hair is hard to miss, right?”

He stared at Jaehyun, eyebrows pulling together in a confused frown. “What are you implying?”

“All I’m saying is, that lecture hall is not the first place where I saw you.”

“Really? Where have you seen me before?”

Instead of answering, he told him, “Open the glove compartment.”

“Huh?” He muttered but did as he was told. There was a red folding umbrella with black pipings inside the compartment. Taeyong recognized it because there was a written “LTY” on the base of the handle of the said umbrella. It was his.

“W-why do you have this?” He asked him.

“You gave me that. I never had the chance to give it back.”

“What? But I never gave you an umbrella before.”

“You did. A year ago. Your hair was red back then. It was raining and I was waiting in front of the library for the rain to stop since I didn’t bring an umbrella. You noticed and asked me if I want to share and I said yes.”

Taeyong tried to rack his brain for a memory of seeing Jaehyun before but to no avail. “I... I’m sorry but I can’t remember seeing you before.”

“I was wearing a face mask then because I was feeling sick. It made my voice muffled, too.”

Right, now he remembers that day when he shared an umbrella with a tall man in a mask wearing a light brown sweater who was waiting outside the library while staring absentmindedly as the rain fell on the ground.

  
“ _Doesn’t look like it’s stopping soon,” he said as he stared at the sky, heavy raindrops falling from the clouds._

_ The other man looked at him, beautiful eyes staring at him intently as the other part of his face was hidden behind a black face mask covering half of his face. _

_ “Yeah, it looks like it,” the other responded, voice muffled, sounding like he has a cold. _

_ Taeyong reached for the red umbrella inside his bag and showed it to the other. “I’m going to the bus stop. Where are you going? Do you want to share an umbrella with me?” _

_ The other man’s gaze transfixed on him, maybe debating on whether to accept a stranger’s offer or not. But it’s raining and he looked like he’s sick judging from his muffled voice and covered face. He smiled at him, “Don’t worry, I won’t bite. I’m Taeyong, by the way. I just noticed that you have a cold based on your voice so I’m sharing my umbrella to you so you won’t get wet.” _

_ His eyes softened as he walked towards him, “O-okay.” _

_ The umbrella is not small per se but the man has a big built so they walked very close to each other, arms touching so as not to get wet from the splatters of the rain. _

_ “Where are you going? So that I can walk you there.” _

_ “Um, t-the bus stop, too.” _

_ “Oh, where are you getting off to?” _

_ The man didn’t answer at first and Taeyong realized that he might be prying too much. They are strangers to each other, after all.  _

_ “I’m so sorry,” he started. “I’m prying too much, aren’t I? Don’t mind me.”  _

_ “No, it’s okay. I get off at City 127 proper. How about you?” _

_ “Oh, so you’re riding a different bus, then. I’m getting off at Neo Center, fourth bus stop but a different route.” _

_ They reached the bus stop with his left shoulder and a part of his bag quite wet from the rain. He looked at the other man to see if he was in the same state as he was and saw that his right shoulder down to his arm got wet, too. _

_ “Are you okay? I’m sorry you got wet, the umbrella is not that big.” _

_ “I’m fine and thank you. For walking with me.” _

_ He smiled at him. “You’re welcome. Wait, I didn’t even ask your name yet, oh my God. What’s your name again?” _

_ “I’m J—,” the man was interrupted by the honk of the approaching bus. _

_ “Oh, that’s my bus,” he said when he saw the bus near. He turned to the other, “Keep the umbrella. You might get sicker if you get drenched in the rain.” _

_ The man tried to protest but Taeyong just smiled at him and opened the other’s hand and placed the umbrella on it. “Don’t worry about me.I live near the bus stop. Please take it? It would make my mind more at ease if I know that you’re not left alone in the rain when you feel sick already,” he said, unconsciously pursing his lips as he held his hand, waiting for him to take it. _

_ The bus opened its doors so Taeyong took the man’s other hand, willing him to hold the umbrella. “I need to go. Take care and hope you get well soon!” He smiled and ran towards the bus, waving at him through the window as the bus drove away in the road splattered with rain, pavements glowing as it illuminated in the eyes of the man left alone in the bus stop with an umbrella on his hands. _

Taeyong smiled as he recalled what happened on that particular rainy day. “Yeah, I remember now.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“What?”

“I wasn’t really going to the bus stop then. I was supposed to go to the parking space but I just couldn’t bring my feet to stop following you.”

Taeyong felt his cheek burning, biting the inside of his lower lip to keep himself from breaking out in a smile.

“I saw you again, actually. Dance fest before the semestral break. Yuta dragged me and our other friend, Johnny, to the year-end dance fest to support his boyfriend, Sicheng. Then I saw you performing with your friends. You were sporting a different hair color then—blue—but I remember your face. I wasn’t really going to that event because I was supposed to be somewhere else but my car broke down that day and you have no idea how glad I was that it did which made me end up on that dance fest. And on the first day of class, I saw a head of pink hair when I entered the doors of the lecture hall and something inside me just knew who owned that loud hair color. So I sat with you.”

Taeyong just blinked rapidly as he absorbed Jaehyun’s litany on how he knew him from before. He never believed about the butterflies in the stomach that the romantic books and movies try so hard to impart but the way his stomach lurched was making him feel like the said butterflies were mocking him for not believing them before. Right at that moment, he felt like all of them were fluttering softly all at once, making his heart beat erratically and his face flush a violent shade of red.

And he felt it again, the feeling of lightness washing through him. It’s ironic, really, having the fickle beating of his heart but at the same time, being calm on finally acknowledging what’s happening inside him. Is it even possible for him to be the subject of this particular paradox?

He cleared his throat as he tried to focus on gathering his thoughts. “So, uh. What are, uh, what are you saying?”

“All I’m saying is that I like you, Lee Taeyong. Ever since that rainy day.”

And at that, the stupid butterflies decided to have a feast day. He could only wish that the divine may hold his beating heart because God knows he can’t contain it anymore.

He drank the coffee that was almost forgotten on his hands so as to have an excuse on the unexplainably fast beating of his heart.

“Jaehyun, you’ve been circling around this neighborhood for two times,” he said, trying to change the topic as he sorted out whatever was happening inside him that was closely driving him crazy.

“Thrice, actually. But what can I do, I love talking to you.”


	7. Of Dead Frogs and Disco Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // mentions of dead animals

The hushed murmurs of the students filled the lab room as they were getting ready for today’s lab experiment. Dissection pans were laid on the tabletops for each pair of students. Taeyong took a peek in their pan and saw a frog lying on its dorsal, its belly facing up.

“Oh God, are we going to dissect frogs today?” He asked his partner, Jaehyun, eyes wide, mortified on the idea of skinning an already dead frog.

“Yeah, I think so,” he answered. “What’s the matter?”

Taeyong shook his head repeatedly. “You do it. I don’t want to do it to the poor frog’s soul. It has already suffered enough—dying for the sake of students to skin him for grades.”

Jaehyun stared at him blankly, not knowing whether he’s serious or not.

“Okay class. Everyone is with their partners already?” The professor asked them. There was a collective answer of “Yes” from the students.

Professor Do continued. “We will be dissecting frogs today as an activity for this class. As we have discussed, this is for you to have an insight on how our bodies work since the organs of the frogs are laid in their bodies similar to those of humans. You can see frogs lying on their backs in the dissecting pans. They are already secured by pins so they won’t budge when you touch them. Go on then, make your first incision, use your forceps to lift the frog’s skin.”

The lab room was filled with buzz as the students began dissecting the frogs. Taeyong just looked at the dead frog in their pan sadly, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “I’m sorry we have to dissect you, I know you don’t deserve this. I’m so sorry,” Taeyong cooed on the lifeless frog.

Taeyong has a very soft spot for all kinds of animals—from the cutest domesticated animals to those who are deemed disgusting by others. His friends call him an animal whisperer because he can even tame a raging bulldog just by smiling at it and is raising a baby chick on their house, not failing to greet said animal “Hello!” every day. He even considered veterinary medicine as his major if not for his fear of possibly crying and passing out every time he sees an animal getting hurt. 

He turned to Jaehyun with misty eyes, unconsciously held the latter’s hand and squeezed it hard. “Jaehyun, I can’t do this. Please do it for the both of us. I can’t. It’s breaking my heart.”

Jaehyun stood motionless as he stared at him. “Jaehyun? Are you okay?” he asked.

He shook his head, as if trying to clear something in his head, then tapped his hand, trying to comfort him as he stared at the poor frog waiting to be opened up. “Okay. Take a deep breath. I need you to focus on something else, okay?”

“I can’t! Everybody’s dissecting frogs. Shit, I can’t to do this. I really can’t.” Taeyong was really close to crying now.

Jaehyun turned his back to face the pans and pulled him close so he’s now pressed against his back. His scent of white suede and fabric conditioner tickled his nose. He felt the softness of the cloth against his hard back. “Close your eyes and stay there for a while. I’ll try to finish this as early as I can so we can both go,” he said softly.

Taeyong nodded because, well, he can’t really think of anything much to say when he’s practically back-hugging Jung Jaehyun. The position should have normally made him awkward but surprisingly, it didn’t. In fact, it felt natural, like his body knew the feeling to be this close to the other, longing for it, even. It brought comfort to his worrying mind.

He felt Jaehyun’s arms moved, indicating that he sliced open the frog’s poor body. Taeyong unconsciously grabbed a handful of Jaehyun’s lab coat as he thought of the poor frog. “Jaehyunnie, are you done? I know it’s already dead but please don’t hurt it more.” He asked, face burying impossibly deeper on the other’s back.

“Not yet,” he answered as he felt the vibrations on his back. “I’m sorry Taeyong, just a little bit more,” he added worriedly.

They heard a shriek from the nearby group which made Taeyong jump out of his skin, arms absentmindedly snaking to Jaehyun’s waist as his nails sink deeper on his palms, trying to control his breathing. After a few minutes, he felt Jaehyun turned to him.

“Wait for me here, okay?” He said and grabbed the dissecting pan and gave it to their professor. 

“He told me that we can go now,” he said when he returned. They removed their gloves and washed their hands on the sink.

Taeyong walked rapidly out of the lab room to get away with animal atrocity as soon as possible, completely unaware that he was dragging Jaehyun with him while holding his hand, fingers intertwined with each other.

They stopped at the campus’ own Fountain of Knowledge as tears escaped Taeyong’s eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jaehyun asked him worriedly.

“I’m sorry. I must look really stupid to you now, crying over frogs. It’s just that, I just really feel sad for them.”

Jaehyun pulled him closer in an embrace, a hand gently tapping his back, trying to soothe him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry you feel terrible. I really am.”

Taeyong suddenly stopped thinking about the frogs and started thinking about the arms wrapped around him, eyes blinking rapidly along with his heart. Maybe the frogs really didn’t die in vain and serve their purpose for a greater good. (For the students to learn—not for him to get a hug from a handsome man who smells so astonishingly and mind-fuckingly good. Of course not...)

“There’s this place that I love to go to. I always find myself forgetting all the stress whenever I go there. I, um, well, if you want, I can take you there later.”

Taeyong nodded despite Jaehyun not seeing it because he was still in the latter’s arms. He gently pushed his shoulders and searched for his face, smiling warmly. “Okay, I’ll pick you up later,” he said. “Can you go to your next class or should I accompany you here?’

“No, it’s fine. I can go to my next class,” he answered.

“Okay, come on,” he said as he reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers again.“I’ll walk you there.”

——————————

Jaehyun parked in front of a white building that looks like a very big house. There was a cemented signboard in the lawn in front of the building with words inscribed— _Mercy Homes. _

“Jaehyun, where are we?” He asked as they walked towards the building.

“This is Mercy Homes, a retirement home for the elderlies who were living on the streets. It’s one of our family’s foundation project. This is my favorite, along with the orphanage.” Taeyong could sense how Jaehyun adored the place by the way his eyes sparkled while talking. It was actually endearing and he can’t help but smile, too. Jaehyun’s smile was contagious.

“I didn’t know you like human interaction, and with elderlies and children for that matter,” he said playfully.

Jaehyun chuckled at the comment. “My social skills choose who it would like to present to. And it’s really not hard to love the people in this place. You’ll know what I mean.”

“I didn’t perceive you as someone who would prefer the company of the elderlies.”

“I was close with my grandmother. Since my parents are always busy, I always go to my grandma’s house and she would let me eat whatever I want, tell me lots of stories and all that. When she died, I came across an elderly couple sharing a meal on the sidewalk while I was walking around the city then I remembered her. That’s when I proposed to my parents to expand their charitable foundations with a retirement home. You could say that I love this place because it reminds me of my grandmother. That’s why this place is named after her. Her name actually means ‘mercy’, completely fitting of her pure heart.”

Taeyong smiled softly at that. “Jaehyun, that’s so sweet.”

The other just smiled back. “They actually have an event tonight. They do these kinds of events every month. Tonight’s theme is ‘80s night. That’s actually why I took you here.” He looked at him apologetically, “I’m sorry, I know a retirement home is the last place you expect but this is the first place I thought about when I saw you crying a while ago.”

“Hey, why are you sorry? I love places like this. I often do volunteer works in orphanages and nursing homes and the people are just so lovely. It reminds me of my grandparents, too. I’m actually excited to meet them.”

Jaehyun showed a dimply smile at this, eyes filled with delight.

They heard a voice of an elder woman filled the room. “Oh, Jaehyunnie, you’re here!”

Jaehyun hugged the elder women who approached them one by one. “Yes, grandma Il Hwa. I told you I wouldn’t miss the party you prepared.”

The woman giggled. “We missed you last week. You didn’t come.”

“I’m so sorry, I needed to run some errands.” Jaehyun turned to him, “I’ve brought someone with me tonight. This is Lee Taeyong. Taeyong, these are grandmas Il Hwa, Miran and Sunyoung.

“Good evening grandma Il Hwa, grandma Miran and grandma Sunyoung,” Taeyong bowed to them politely.

“Good evening, too, Taeyong. Wow, you’re a very handsome man. Are you our Jaehyunnie’s friend?”

Taeyong smiled shyly at the praise. “Um, yes, grandma. Something like that.”

“Taeyong? Isn’t that the name of the person you like? The one you met during a rainy day and shared an umbrella with? Is this him?” Grandma Miran asked.

“Yes, this is him. But, grandma, no need to tell him that. It’s embarrassing.” Jaehyun had a sheepish, conflicted smile on his face which earned a cackle from the grandmas.

“Why? Don’t tell us you haven’t confessed to him yet. You said he was your classmate.” Sunyoung nudged his shoulders, “You know, Taeyong, I have a really bad memory because of old age. I even forget my husband’s name at times but I clearly remember your name because our Jaehyunnie here always talks about you whenever he’s here. And that’s a lot of times.”

Jaehyun’s ears turned a very evident shade of red and Taeyong’s not gonna lie, it’s becoming one of his favorite scenes.

“Why grandma, what does he say about me?” He asked teasingly, enjoying the scene unfolding before him.

“That he almost can’t say a word when he first saw you because you looked so stunning, he forgot to form a coherent word. Those were his exact words.” The woman laughed as he ruffled Jaehyun’s hair.

“He also told us about your first date for I think a thousand times already. I asked him if you thought of it as a date, too but he just insisted that it was. He never shuts up about you, Taeyong. Ahh, young love.” Grandma Il Hwa sighed at the both of them fondly.

Taeyong looked at Jaehyun funnily, the latter impossibly redder than he was a while ago.

“Okay. Okay. That’s enough embarrassment now,my beloved grandmas. He can’t know that I like him so much,” he said which made the grandmas laugh as he ushered them towards the hall where the event is about to start before they even reveal more embarrassing stories about him.

Taeyong watched as Jaehyun talked and joked around the elder people throughout the night. It was far from the Jaehyun who told him to get lost and mind his own business; the one who made it his personal vendetta to tease Taeyong and make him a blushing man every time he gets the chance. He saw a new side of Jaehyun that day—the one who comforted him over something that others might say trivial and didn’t judged him for it; the one who helped the elderlies push their wheelchairs around, joked around them like they were his own grandparents and hugged every single one of them lovingly as he greeted them thus showing how close he was to the elderlies. It was endearing and it’s honestly making him feel a burst of unfamiliar yet pleasant things.

“Are you enjoying the night?” Jaehyun asked, handing him a glass of grape juice from which he took a sip.

“Yes,” he answered gleefully. “The elderlies are so lovely and so kind. They’re so hilarious, too! Especially grandmas Il Hwa, Miran and Sunyoung. Can I come back here again?”

“Of course,” he beamed and Taeyong can’t help but smile at the bright expression of the other.

“So,” he started as he eyed him with one eyebrow raised playfully, “I didn’t know we went on a date.”

Jaehyun tried to maintain a placid face which Taeyong almost believed if only his ears and neck didn’t give him off because they were impossibly red.

Jaehyun cleared his throat. “Well, wasn’t it?”

Taeyong decided to tease him further. “Hmm, I clearly remember saying that it wasn’t a date though?”

“But we were on a fancy restaurant?”

“Yeah, to eat lunch.”

Jaehyun took a deep breath before looking down at the ground, lips pressed in a tight line. “Well...”

“Well, what?” He nudged, completely entertained seeing this side of Jaehyun.

The other looked at him and asked, “Well, would you go on a date with me, then?”

Taeyong tried his best to keep his lips that are threatening to break into a smile to be still. Before he could answer, they heard squeals coming from a nearby table and saw grandmas Ilhwa, Miran and Sunyoung giggling. “Taeyongie, child, please say yes. He’s been pining for you for a very long time now.”

“Oh my God, grandmas. Why were you listening?”

“We can’t help it, Jaehyunnie. Your voices are loud,” grandma Sunyoung said, stifling her giggles.

“But why are you still there?” Grandma Il Hwa asked Jaehyun. “It’s time for your intermission number.”

“Yes, grandma. I was about to go up the stage.” Jaehyun turned to Taeyong, “Actually, I promised them a presentation fortonight so I need to get up there. Will you be okay here?”

“Yeah, of course. Good luck up there,” he offered him a smile.

Jaehyun smiled back at him softly and left for the stage. He whispered something to the band playing and they all nodded at him.

“Good evening, everyone. I will be singing an 80s song, as I’ve promised to all of you. I hope everyone is enjoying the night?” The elderlies chanted enthusiastically which earned a crinkly laugh from Jaehyun. “There’s a change of plan on the song I’m about to sing. I suddenly got inspired,” he said as he looked in his direction and smiled softly. “The dance floor is open to everyone and yeah, happy 80s night.”

The strum of guitar filled the room to which Taeyong recognized as Paul McCrane’s song.

_ “Is it okay if I call you mine? Just for a time” _

Jaehyun’s soft, angelic voice serenaded the room, eyes fixed on Taeyong as he sang the song. Taeyong was surprised to know that the man could actually sing. He has this low baritone voice which is so gorgeously endearing that goes so well with the slow song. But then again, he had always found his deep voice entrancing, enchanting and bewildering.

“ _ And I will be just fine  
_ _ If I know that you know that I’m  
_ _ Wanting, needing your love ” _

Some of the elderly couples started going to the dance floor, slow-dancing through the song but Taeyong stayed still on his place, devouring the melody that is Jaehyun’s voice.

“ _If I ask of you is it all right  
_ _ If I ask you to hold me tight  
_ _ Through a cold dark night  
_ _ Cause there may be a cloudy day in sight  
_ _ And I need to let you know that I might _

_ Be needing your love” _

Taeyong stared at the beautiful man singing on the stage, velvety voice sounding like it’s covered in honey and even if metaphorically, for someone with a sweet tooth, he can’t help but be in awe. His voice felt comforting—serene even, like a wave softly crashing on the shore. It is simply beautiful, one which can make you stop on your tracks and listen closely.

If he’s to be really honest, he can’t help butadmit that he’s taking a bit too much of a liking for the company of the said man. If someone told him in the morning that he would spend his day being comforted by Jaehyun over lifeless frogs, watching Jaehyun talk lovingly about the things he love and how he talks with the elderlies adorably, he would just gag and possibly roll his eyes because sure, the man admitted that he likes him but he hasn’t seen Jaehyun in a different light yet, just the Jaehyun who has an aversion to people in general and the Jaehyun who was so used to being an outspoken flirt. But there he was, staring at the man eye to eye and he can’t help but to smile because as much as Jaehyun’s riling up his system and constantly shooting nerves up his spine, he brings a special warmth in his chest and Taeyong is so close to admitting what this particular warmth means.

_ ”And what I'm trying to say isn't really new  
_ _ It's just the things that happen to me  
_ _ When I'm reminded of you” _

Maybe it was the lights that made Jaehyun’s ears visibly red despite the distance between them. Jaehyun smiled back at him, wide enough to have his two dimples on display, eyes glistening under the sparkly lights of the hall. Is it really possible for someone to look that handsome and to sound that beautiful? _He really won the genetic lottery_ , Taeyong thought.

_ “Like when I hear your name  
_ _ Or see a place that you've been  
_ _ Or see a picture of your grin  
_ _ Or pass a house that you've been in  
_ _ One time or another _

_It sets off something in me I can't explain“_

_It really does_ ,  Taeyong thought to himself.

_And I can't wait to see you again  
_ _Oh, babe, I love your love  
_ _And what I'm trying to say isn't really new  
_ _It's just the things that happen to me  
_ _When I'm reminded of you_

Surrounded by 80s disco lights and elderlies slow-dancing on the dance floor, Taeyong finally admitted that the time was indeed too short for him to say but it is what it is, calling a spade a spade—he likes Jung Jaehyun a little way too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sticking on the flashbacks for a few more chapters because I really love writing them 🥺 Special thanks to my friends Sam and Lei for their inputs on the story ♥️
> 
> (Also, Jaeyong, can we please get some crumbs 🥺)


	8. Take Me Somewhere High

Yuta invited them to the college week of Business Management department where the business students will set up booths per class to sell whatever the class decided to and make a profit from it. Since Yuta and Jaehyun are both under the same department, it means that the latter will also be there.

“Don’t wear those pants. It makes your ass look flatter than it already is,” Ten said, a frown on his face as he examined his outfit carefully.

“My ass is not flat,” he argued, assessing the said ass in question.

“Honey, you don’t have a visual proof for that claim.” Sicheng grabbed a lilac turtleneck, an ass-friendly black pants and his Raf Simons virginia wool oversize blazer. The tuition fee for his Fashion Design major really is paying off. “Here, try these on.”

“I can’t wear that,” Taeyong said despite knowing that he would rock said outfit.

“Why not? These look good on you. I mean everything looks good on you because damn, your face and the way you carry yourself is really something else, but this set of outfit will literally make people drool for you.”

“Aww, thank you, Sicheng, but I can’t,” he insisted. “It’s gonna make me look that I obviously dressed up. Someone might think that...I like them.”

Doyoung rolled his eyes and huffed out an exasperated sigh. “Bitch, what the fuck are you on about? I’m gonna chokehold you, I swear. And what do you mean ‘someone’? We all know who you have the hots for.”

“You all go on dates and stuff. Aren’t you boyfriends yet?” Ten asked.

“We never went on ‘dates’,” he said, quote-unquoting the word ‘date’ with his fingers. “He just took me to a retirement home once and drives me around sometimes. And uh, eat lunch together and sit together in our shared class. Um, and also brings me coffee in the morning? Uh yeah, that’s it.”

And that’s true. He and Jaehyun were always together. They always sit together in their shared Biology class. Even when Taeyong sat on a different seat, Jaehyun will ask the person who was first sitting beside him to sit somewhere else. Whenever he notices that Taeyong feels tired in the morning evidenced by his yawning, Jaehyun leaves and comes back with a can of coffee from the nearby vending machine.

Taeyong cannot quite place his finger on what exactly is going on with them. They never went beyond the occasional lunch in the cafeteria or some nearby restaurant that Jaehyun’s rich tastebuds prefer or Taeyong’s cravelist for that day. But are those dates? Jaehyun didn’t technically asked him for dates yet except for that one night in the retirement home where they were interrupted by the grandmas before he could even answer.

“We’re...friends? I guess?” Even Taeyong can hear the uncertainty in his words which earned a collective raised eyebrows from his friends.

Ten squinted his eyes. “Friends don’t think about their other friends sticking the ‘d’ up their ass.”

“Oh my god, Ten! Shut up! I never thought about that.”

“Okay, sure, let’s say we believe you. But seriously speaking, don’t you like him?” Sicheng asked.

Taeyong never told any of his friends about his sudden realization while watching Jaehyun sing an 80s love song on the retirement home—flickering lights dancing on his eyes that were staring directly at his soul as his heart slow danced with them. He thought about it the following days, thinking that it might just be brought by the fleeting moment and romantic atmosphere but it all bore the same conclusion—he likes the rude fucker who has a good sense of fashion, smells intoxicatingly great, sounds enchantingly good, looks ethereally handsome and is such an angel when you get to know him. And God knows the real reason why he always feel tired every morning is because he can’t stop thinking about the said man at night and can’t wait to see him in the morning. If that isn’t liking someone, then maybe he has a big problem that needs immediate fixing.

“I...will not comment on that.” He turned to Sicheng in an attempt to sway the subject from his unspoken feelings. “Sicheng, give me those clothes, we’re gonna be late.”

“Ooh, are you excited?” Sicheng teased, handing him the clothes.

“So what if I am? Shut it.”

His friends just laughed.

————————

“There goes your sugar daddy,” Ten smirked as they saw Jaehyun walking towards their direction carrying a huge box of what seemed to be fresh vegetables judging from the mount of green at the top of the box.

“Oh God, Ten. If you don’t shut up, I swear I will strangle you. Don’t try me, I will not hesitate, you whore,” Taeyong answered through gritted teeth.

The bitchass just laughed heartily.

Jaehyun dropped the box that he was holding near the makeshift kitchen of their booth since their class chose the Asian restaurant theme. He then proceeded to approach their table. 

“Hey, you made it,” Jaehyun told him as he took a seat beside him.

“Yeah. Can’t let you miss me that much,” he answered and it was too late to stop his stupid mouth from talking because everyone heard what he just said.

The group erupted in a series of laughter. 

“Look at you now being bold,” Doyoung teased as he slammed the table from laughing too hard.

Jaehyun just sat there, ears red and eyes crinkling as a bright smile painted his face. Taeyong thought that the embarrassment he got from his friends will always be worth it if he gets to see this painting-like expression on Jaehyun’s face every time.

Yuta repeatedly tapped the table to get their attention. “Okay, enough teasing the new couple. Jae, these are Doyoung and Ten,” he said as he pointed out the two. “You already know my boyfriend, Sicheng. Guys, to formally introduce my brother from another mother, this is Jaehyun—not Jaehoon,” Taeyong just rolled his eyes at that, “Taeyong’s boyfriend.”

Taeyong choked on air. “He’s not my boyfriend yet.”

The group collectively made a teasing sound, from which Sicheng said, “Ooohhhh, yet?”

“Oh God, what I mean is that he’s not my boyfriend! Okay—God,” he glared at his friends and told them through gritted teeth, “Stop embarrassing me.”

The poor attempt on threat just earned a group of laughter. 

“Is that a Freudian slip?” Sicheng teased further.

“What’s a Freudian slip?” Yuta asked.

“A slip of the tongue revealing one’s subconscious feelings.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the only thing related to Jaehyun on Taeyong’s subconscious,” Ten said, a sly grin on his face earning daggers from Taeyong.

Jaehyun spoke beside him, “It’s fine. I don’t mind. I honestly feel that we’re close there.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrow so high, it might even reached his scalp. “Wow, I really don’t know where your confidence is coming from.”

Ten guffawed on what he said. “Do you really not know? I can tell him what you said about him. What was it again? Devilishly hands—“ Taeyong kicked him under the table before he can further spurt out embarrassing nonsense. 

“I heard you brought our friend here in an ‘80s party. Is that your thing? Well, you do exude this 80s heartthrob vibes.” Doyoung waved his hand on Jaehyun as if examining the latter.

“He is an old soul. He likes Chet Baker. Jazz music. Very classy. What’s your favorite song again?” Yuta asked Jaehyun.

“I Fall In Love Too Easily,” Jaehyun answered.

“Oh, do you, now?” Ten’s brows wriggled teasingly, side-eyeing Taeyong.

Jaehyun searched for Taeyong’s eyes before answering, “I do.”

As Taeyong met his gaze, what he normally feels like chaos was replaced by something more pleasing. It was like fire. A fire that has destructive properties but instead of wreaking havoc, it showed itself through the soft cackling as it burns the wood of a bonfire—giving warmth on a rainy day and light on a dark night. And oh, how he likes the feeling.

Doyoung sighed mockingly as the two got lost on their own world while staring at each other’s eyes. “God, all my tinder hookups and for what?” He turned to Ten and asked, “Hey, don’t you have any ex-boyfriends left that I can mistake to so that I can flirt with their namesake or what?”

“I thought you have someone already?” Taeyong asked, remembering what Doyoung said before when they were discussing about his lack of, well, sex life.

Doyoung just made a face. “Ugh, that didn’t work. Couldn’t stop texting me the minute I stepped out of his dorm room. Too clingy, next.”

“Let’s stick with the hookups for now. Men ain’t shit,” Ten said, then turned to Jaehyun and Yuta. “No offense, guys.”

They both just laughed. “None taken.”

The food that Yuta asked to be cooked for them before they arrived finally came. There was a variety of asian cuisine which the group engrossed themselves with. Taeyong took a bite of pork adobo, a famous Filipino dish, savoring on the delicious taste of the food.

“I thought Johnny is here with you guys?” Sicheng asked Yuta and Jaehyun.

“Who’s Johnny?” Ten asked while enjoying himself over Thailand’s sweet sticky rice with mangoes.

“Our other friend. He is here, I think he went to get the other box of vegetables,” Yuta stopped as he waved to a tall man carrying a box of vegetables. “Speaking of the devil.”

“Oh, hey guys,” the man said, smiling as he dropped the box before going to their table. 

“Guys, this is Johnny. Johnny, you already know Sicheng. These are Doyoung, Taeyong—you know, the one Jaehyun keeps on talking about— and this is Ten.”

Upon looking at Ten, Johnny’s eyes widened, eyes fixed on the former. Ten also looked surprised, leaving a spoon of sticky rice midair.

“Do you guys know each other?”

The both of them blinked rapidly. Ten cleared his throat before answering, “Uh, kind of?”

“What do you mean kind of?”

“Wait a minute,” Taeyong said and laughed. “Does this ‘kind of’ means he’s one of your hook-ups?“ Ten kicked his legs under the table this time which he just returned with a laugh.

“Well, this is awkward,” Johnny said as he sat on the only available chair which was in front of Ten. 

“Wait, now I’m curious. How did this happen?” Doyoung egged on.

“Oh God, can we talk about other things? It’s been like, two months already.”

“Two months? Oh, so it was that time when you broke up with Jaehoon.”

“Wait, so if it was two months ago and around the time you broke up with Jaehoon, then he’s the one you hooked up with on 7th Sense Bar! No wonder he looked so familiar,” Sicheng mused then turned to Johnny. “I only saw your back. I would’ve recognized you if I saw your face. Huh. Small world.”

Taeyong remembered the night when he met his friends in the said bar. Ten was just fresh from his breakup with his cheating ex boyfriend so he was bawling his eyes out on the bar but later that night, he decided to ditch them for someone he met on the dance floor. “If he was the one in 7th Sense whom you ditched us with, that means he’s the one you’re telling us about. You know, the best one-night stand—“ 

Ten cut him off before he can finish his sentence. “Oh my God, shut up, hoe, or else I’ll tell Jaehyun about what you said about him being adorable when he smiles and how he smells intoxicatingly g—“

“Okay! Okay! I get it. I’ll shut up.”

The group continued to tease the two, laughing at how a normally shameless Ten became so quiet now that Johnny is around.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun whispered on his ear, the air from his mouth sending shivers down his spine. “Do you have any plans after this?”

“None that I can think of,” he replied. “Why?”

“The night is still young. Do you want to go somewhere with me?”

Taeyong pretended that he was thinking about it but to be honest, Jaehyun could say that he’ll take him to the deepest pits of hell and he would still think that he’s going on cloud nine with him.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere high.”

“Jaehyun, I don’t do drugs.”

Jaehyun laughed. “No, not that kind of high. You’ll love it there.”

He crossed his arms playfully, pretending to think about it. “You could be a kidnapper for all I know.”

Jaehyun just smiled. “Hmm, take a leap of faith then.”

———————

Jaehyun drove along a dark road with only the headlights from his car as guides.

“Why is it so dark here? Are you really kidnapping me?”

Jaehyun chuckled. “You’re gorgeous but no, I’m not kidnapping you. I don’t want a criminal record. If anything, you’re the one with a criminal record here.”

“The fuck? What did I do?”

“Theft. You stole my heart.”

Taeyong felt like throwing up all the food he ate at dinner. “That line is so last generations ago, it’s even older than my grandparents. Take me back to my friends.”

Jaehyun laughed, the good, deep, musical-worthy laugh that would give the “nature noises” on his playlist a run for its money for how beautiful they sound to him.

Jaehyun stopped on what looked like a top of a hill, with trimmed grasses and lots of flowers that made the place look like a big garden.

The scene that unfolded before his eyes was beautiful. In front of him laid the colorful city lights covering the nightlife of the city.

“Wow, I haven’t been to a place like this. I only saw the city lights on high buildings. I didn’t know it could be more beautiful,” he said as he surveyed the expanse of the twinkling lights blanketing the city.

“I told you, you’ll love it here,” Jaehyun said, eyes focused on the light that was on Taeyong’s eyes.

“This is very beautiful. Thank you,” Taeyong smiled sincerely, meeting the other’s soft gaze.

“You’re very much welcome.”

“Where are we anyway?”

“This is a private property of my parents,” Jaehyun answered. “This is where they originally plan on building our house but they thought it was too far from their respective offices. Up until now, they don’t know what to do with this space so they just hired someone to maintain the grass and the plants, keep the area clean—not that it needs cleaning since I’m the only one who goes here.”

“You haven’t brought anyone here?”

“I haven’t. You’re the first and hopefully the only one.”

Taeyong didn’t even try to hide the tinge of scarlet painting his face, accompanied by a small smile which holds a deeper meaning than what he lets on.

He looked up at the sky where the stars can be seen more clearly. “Wow, we can clearly see the twinkling of the stars from here. It’s sad that because of the pollution, we can’t see much of this beauty through the smog from below.”

“Speaking of celestial bodies, do you know how meteorites fall into earth?”

“Huh?”

“They fall in a way that is fast and unstoppable.”

He looked at him blankly. “What does that have to do with pollution?”

“Nothing. I just want to tell you that I think I‘m falling for you like how meteorites fall.” He searched for his eyes, intense gaze meeting him, “I’m falling for you fast and unstoppable.”

Taeyong thought if the pounding in his ribcage is still bearable or he badly needs to go to the hospital because  _ damn._ ”Well, don’t fall for me like that. Because when meteorites fall, it’s catastrophic.”

Jaehyun just smiled at his comment. “Are you aware that you’re easily flustered? And you have this habit of biting your nails and then you make this cute surprised face when you realize you’re doing it?”

“What?” He asked, face a mixture of confusion and a fond smile.

“Yeah,” he continued. “You keep on shaking your legs even if you’re not nervous. And you have this habit of touching other people’s neck. I noticed you do that with your friends. You unconsciously mess with your hair when you’re thinking hard. And youalways touch and bite your lips.”

He laughed. “Why do you know all that?”

“Because I can’t keep my eyes off of you.”

Taeyong stared hard at Jaehyun, feeling the gush of all positive feelings spreading throughout his body.

“I know,” he said.

“You do?”

“Yeah. Because I can’t take my eyes off of you, too.”

Jaehyun smiled softly, crescent eyes and dimples attacking him in full gear and honestly, Taeyong’s armors are already laid down. He’s completely enchanted. What’s the point of suppressing what he feels when Jaehyun’s giving him all these wonderful feelings?

“Stop biting your lips, Taeyong,” Jaehyun said, eyes dropping on the lip that he’s unconsciously biting.

Taeyong let go of his lower lip.

“It makes me want to kiss you,” Jaehyun added.

He looked at him lovingly, throwing shame to the farthest place possible. “Jaehyun,” he said, fondness all over his face. “Just do it.”

And so he did. He felt the soft skin against his. It wasn’t aggressive like a raging thunderstorm on a dark night. The kiss was gentle. It was as soft as a butterfly landing on a flower; like a feather falling on the ground. He wrapped his arms on Jaehyun’s neck as the latter deepened the kiss. He felt Jaehyun smile upon doing so and he can’t help but smile between the kiss, too.

Jaehyun cannot stop the smile spreading on his face, the brightness glowing on it made Taeyong’s heart burst from happiness.  _Can this night be any more perfect?_

He was suddenly reminded of a line from a Taylor Swift song.

_ It’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, really something. _

“Will you date me, Taeyong?” Jaehyun asked, staring at him deeply as their foreheads pressed together. He could willingly get lost in those eyes forever but he knows he would always find his way back.

He grabbed Jaehyun’s cheeks and leaned to the man once more, planting another kiss on his lips.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we consider this fluff? Oh, well. I...tried? I initially wrote this chapter just to briefly introduce Johnny’s character but I got carried away 🤷🏻♀️
> 
> Also, I just really had to reference Taeyong’s 190222 outfit there. It still feels like a fever dream to me ✊🏼
> 
> Ps. Thank you so much for the comments and kudos that this fic is getting. I appreciate it. Really love seeing your comments 🥺


	9. Wedding Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bittersweet ride ahead.
> 
> tw // cheating

Taeyong was greeted by a gust of cold wind as soon as Jaehyun opened the passenger’s door for him. “Thank you,” he said, smiling at the other as he took his hand to get off the car. Jaehyun took him back to the Jungs’ private property overlooking the city’s bright colorful lights which quickly became one of Taeyong’s top favorite places in the city. Well, anywhere with Jaehyun is his favorite.

Jaehyun opened the backseat to get the two blankets and a basket of what seemed to be full of food.

“Ooh, are we having picnic overlooking the city? Wow, you really have the heart for the romantics, huh? Is this because you’re born on valentine’s day?” He teased him while helping him settle the blanket on the ground.

“I know, right? God, you’re so lucky,” he teased back. He opened up the basket that turned out to be full of sweet pastries that Taeyong loved so much and cans of coffee and strawberry milk. He even bought lots of sweet potato cubes that he’s been obsessed with recently. Taeyong cooed at the sight, “Aww, these are all my favorites. You don’t even like sweets but it’s all you brought.”

Jaehyun sat down at the blanket and opened his arms, inviting Taeyong to sit in front of him and envelope him in a hug to which Taeyong complied. Chin resting on Taeyong’s shoulder, he asked, “What do you mean I don’t like sweets?”

Taeyong turned to look at him. “You don’t like them. You just tolerate them.”

Jaehyun kissed him just as he rolled his eyes. “How can you say I don’t like sweets when I love kissing you?” He asked then proceeded to kiss him again, and again, and again. “Your lips are the sweetest thing. Of course I love sweets.”

Taeyong giggled as he rolled his eyes once more. “You’re so lame.”

“Do you know that this is our seventh date?”

“Oh, is it?”

“Yeah, if you won’t be stubborn enough to admit that our first date is the one in the Italian restaurant.”

Taeyong giggled as he remembered the first time they ate at the five-star restaurant where Jaehyun first said that he was flirting with him.

“Fine. If it will make you happy then that’s our first official date.”

“Of course it is. Thank you, Yongie.”

“Yongie?” He repeated, liking the sound of it in Jaehyun’s mouth.

”Uh, can I call you Yongie?”

“Jaehyun, you can call me your whore and I would still find it endearing.” Jaehyun just laughed loudly. Taeyong continued, “Now that I think about it, you did tell me that day that you’ll tell me something when we get to our seventh date. Something about why you somehow snapped at me when I told you that you’re a cheater. Well?”

Jaehyun hummed as he felt his embrace tighter. “I’m sorry about that, for rudely telling you to get lost and mind your own business,” he said, lips curved in a sad curl.

Taeyong tapped his hands and intertwined their fingers, “Hey, it’s fine. You already apologized for that. And if anything, I should be the one saying sorry.”

He felt the other man’s lips kiss his head. “No, really. I’m sorry about being rude to you. It’s just that I have a history with cheating and it disgusted me so much. My ex girlfriend cheated on me before so it irked me to be branded as one when I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh, Jaehyunie, I’m so sorry to hear about that. And I’m sorry for saying that you are one, I really am.”

“I know. It’s fine, really. You didn’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer for a moment and Taeyong understood if he didn’t want to talk about it now. But before he could say anything to sway the subject, Jaehyun said, “Yeah, I don’t mind talking about it to you.”

“I had a girlfriend before,” he started. “I was a teenager, very impressionable, immature even—but at that time, of course you would want to think that you are mature for your age. That’s how I thought I felt about her. She knew my background, who I was, my family, those stuff. But I didn’t know that she knew. See, I was just lowkey before, I didn’t want people to find out who I really was because I want to live a normal school life as possible. She approached me first, befriended me and all those stuff until we’re basically inseparable. I fetch and drove her to and from their house, we went on dates, stuff like that. And it was an everyday kind of thing because she gets mad when I miss a day of not fetching her and her not arriving at school in an expensive car. She was—and this is putting it lightly—materialistic. She always ask me to take her to five-star restaurants and give her expensive gifts, which at that time, I really don’t mind. I failed to see what’s wrong because I was blinded with the idea of loving her. But no matter how much I gave her, how genuine the love I felt for her, all of those weren’t really enough. I went to their house one time to surprise her and well, I was the one surprised because I saw her kissing someone passionately in front of their house, hand on her ass and all that. Wouldn’t take a genius to know what’s going on, really.”

Taeyong felt Jaehyun took a deep breath before continuing. “I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt—I know, it was stupid, but I was really in love with her then. I just can’t accept the fact that she did that. But one time she left her phone accidentally, I scrolled through her messages and saw the evidence that I was looking for. The guy was even asking her to break up with me but she said she can’t because I give her nice, expensive things. So I broke up with her without telling her the real reason because I believe that’s nothing compared to what she did. I know people said that no one deserves to be left out like that without knowing why but I kinda think that she did deserve it. She kept on pestering me, of course, and I told her that if she didn’t leave me alone, I’ll take all the Gucci bags and Chanel dresses that I gave her since legally, I could take all of those back, and unsurprisingly, she stopped. Last time I heard, the guy she cheated on me with, also cheated on her. And I’m not happy about that because I will never wish for someone to be cheated on, no matter how much pain they inflicted on me. I just hope that she learned her lesson and never do it again.”

Taeyong felt terrible upon hearing Jaehyun’s story. He felt terrible for incorrectly blaming him something that he felt strongly against. “Jaehyun, I’m really, really sorry. You don’t deserve any of that.”

“I know. It’s just.. like I would understand if she just broke up with me. I never understood why she had to do that. Because I kept wondering if something’s wrong with me, what do I lack that the other guy had? Things like that. Being cheated on just messed with my head like a monster. But then I eventually realized that her cheating was never my fault, it was hers. There was nothing wrong with me, it was entirely her fault that she chose to cheat. The moment I realized that, I put everything about her behind.” Jaehyun looked at him in the eyes and said, “And I realized that I needed to let some people leave to let a better one in.”

Taeyong felt like crying—because of hearing his story and because of the magnitude of what he feels for him. The way he wanted to move heaven and earth just so Jaehyun won’t feel the same pain again. He reached for Jaehyun’s cheek and touched them softly, stared at his eyes that might even hold the entire universe for all he knows, and gently kissed him. “I love you,” he said and kissed him again, “I love you”. He kissed his forehead, “I love you,” then the bridge of his nose, “I love you”, kissed each of his two cheeks, “I love you,” and finally back to his lips, “I love you, Jaehyunnie.”

Jaehyun smiled, the bright smile that shows his dimples and teeth. The smile that could quiet his fears and awaken his slumbering thoughts. “That’s the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time that you told me you love me.”

Taeyong sat motionless, stunned upon realizing what he just said and what it meant. He just said that he loves Jaehyun. He never even admitted it to himself yet. He blinked for a couple of times then hesitantly looked at Jaehyun’s eyes that were staring at him fondly, eyes sparkling brighter than the stars in the starry night and as all his hesitations dissolved into nothingness, Taeyong can’t help but utter, “I love you, Jung Jaehyun.”

Because he is in love with him. It’s funny how the truth just came out of his mouth without much thinking and without much wondering about it. All the hesitations on it being too fast were all gone because as someone had said, time is just indeed a social construct. And he’s beyond ecstatic to realize his feelings for Jaehyun because then, he will get to love him for a longer time.

“I love you, too, Yongie. Like, you have no idea,” Jaehyun said, smile reaching his eyes and nose crinkling with joy. God, he’s so in love with him.

“We’re so disgustingly cheesy. I love it.”

Jaehyun laughed heartily and Taeyong took pleasure on the melodious sound, sinking himself deeper on the other’s arms as he felt his warmth on his. He sighed at the wonderful feeling of being in his arms and at the picturesque view laid in front of their eyes. “The city lights look beautiful,” he said.

Jaehyun just hummed in agreement, head resting upon his shoulder and arms snaked around his waist.

“But you know, as much as I love the city, I wouldn’t want to get married here,” he said while playing with the other’s fingers.

“I noticed that you like things related to weddings. I saw the heaps of folders at your room. But why not, though? Where do you want to get married?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah, I actually want to be a wedding planner someday. I want to have an outdoors-type wedding. Forest-inspired, something like that. But not much into the woods.”

“Like Edward and Bella’s wedding?” He asked, to Taeyong’s genuine surprise. He turned to him and exclaimed, “Yes! Exactly like that. Their wedding is so beautiful. I’m surprised you remember that. I thought you slept, like, five seconds into the movie.”

“Of course not. You were so excited about it, like you haven’t watched it for ten times already.”

“Shut up. I watched it for just nine times. Get your facts straight. How about you? Do you have any particular weddings in mind?”

“Hmm, I don’t have one. I’m fine with anything actually but now that I think about it, the outdoor wedding sounds lovely. But I want to throw something in, the one we watched yesterday? Where you’re so adamant that it is the best Disney film ever?”

“Tangled? I’m still surprised yesterday’s your first time watching that movie.”

Jaehyun laughed. “Yeah that. And again, I’m sorry for living under a rock. But as I was saying, I want those lantern things. It looked beautiful in the movie.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh my God, you’re right. We could incorporate the Tangled design with the outdoors theme. Imagine the cake as high as Rapunzel’s tower but they’re, like, stacked as lanterns.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “That would be nice. And we can have fallen logs for seats—but like, really fallen logs. We shouldn’t cut trees because we need to save the environment. We’ll cover the lights with the lantern design and hmm, how about we use the magic glowing flower as a centerpiece?”

“As long as we don’t use that in the bouquet, I’m fine with it.”

“Why? What do you want for your bouquet?”

He turned to him and smiled, “Lavenders.”

“Lavenders? I thought your favorite are tulips? That’s why I first got you tulips because Ten said those are your favorites.”

“It was. Don’t get me wrong, I love all flowers equally but I just developed a great liking towards lavenders for a while now because of someone.”

Jaehyun pouted and Taeyong can’t help but fall in love more. “Should I be jealous?”

Taeyong playfully rolled his eyes. “It’s you, silly.”

“Huh? Why? I never gave you lavenders before.”

“Do you know you smell like one? Like I noticed the musky manly Tom Ford smell but the lavender scent really gets me.”

Jaehyun laughed, “I’m glad my mom has lots of stock of those lavender-scented shampoos.”

Taeyong laughed with him. “That sets the flowers. I want a variety of flowers in our wedding but lavenders for the bouquet.”

“That’s noted. Oh, another thing on the Tangled design. Instead of a red carpet, we’ll use Rapunzel’s blonde hair so it’s a blonde carpet.”

Taeyong looked at him with a slight frown, “Uh, sorry baby, but no. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not really imagining the design, I’m just imagining you walking down the aisle.”

Taeyong playfully hit his chest slightly as a blush spread through his cheeks.

They say when you are in love, everything around you becomes vivid. You’ll notice the lush of green leaves, the brightness of the sun and the moon, the smell of the grass and all that. But for Taeyong, it’s the opposite. As he stared back at Jaehyun’s face, everything becomes a blur except for Jaehyun. He didn’t notice the silver glow of the moon or the bright lights on the background. He didn’t notice the smell of fresh air and the sweet scent of pastries. What he noticed was how Jaehyun’s eyes turned crescent which were almost drowned by his wide smile. He noticed the whiskers on his upper cheeks and his dimples on the lower parts of them. He noticed the mole on his left cheek and how beautiful his skin is. He noticed how his fingers glided easily against his smooth skin. He noticed the bags under his eyes which added character to his face. What he noticed was that he loves every single part of him.

“We already have our wedding planned when we haven’t proposed to each other yet,” he said.

“Well, we still have a long way to go but,” Jaehyun reached for his hand and kissed the top of it, eyes brightly looking at him, dimples on full display, “Will you marry me when the right time comes?”

Taeyong giggled, heart feeling ecstatic for the man staring at him with full of love in his eyes. “I will. And will you marry me when the right time comes?”

“Of course, baby. You don’t even have to ask.”


	10. The Things Left Unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumping into present time.

It was Monday. Taeyong loves his job that’s why he never cared whatever day of the week it was. He was never one of those “Ugh, it’s Monday again” people. He never dreaded Mondays because he simply loves every aspect of his job—from the excited (and sometimes stressed) brides and grooms, decorating the wedding venue according to the couples’ wishes, finding the perfect cakes and flowers for the wedding reception, and dealing with the number of guests and their respective demands, among others. For him, a new day is an opportunity to let other people’s dreams to come alive—that is, to celebrate their wedding days as smooth and as magical as possible .

But this Monday was different. For the first time in his life, he’s dreading a Monday. Should he just call in sick? That would be a cowardly move. Why was he even so afraid to go to the office today? He’ll just see Jung Jaehyun. What was he so afraid of? So what if they haven’t had a proper breakup before? So what if he still feels guilty about everything? So what if he suddenly felt a whirlpool of emotions when they shook each other’s hands? So what if Jaehyun is getting married and he’s the one planning it? It’s just Jung Jaehyun, for fuck’s sake.

_ “Yong, it was really nice seeing you. I’ve missed you_ .”

The words that Jaehyun said lingered on his thoughts and if he’s to be really honest with himself, he never stopped thinking about the said man for the whole week. Not when he’s calling all possible venues and caterers for his wedding. Of course that’s why he was thinking about him. Right?

He can’t possibly still be in love with him like what Ten was implying. It’s been five years, after all. And to top it off, he’s getting married.

_ “I’ve missed you.” _

He shook his head. He needs a cold shower.

——————————————

“Hyung, stop biting your nails.” Jungwoo swatted Taeyong’s hands to keep him from biting his nails. “What are you so nervous about?”

“What? I’m not nervous.”

“You’ve been fidgeting nonstop. Your legs can’t stop shaking. Is something wrong?” Doyoung looked at him worriedly.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Taeyong looked at his phone to check the time.  _ 10:22am. _

“I think I know why you’re so nervous.” Doyoung was looking at the glass door where Jung Jaehyun walked into.

“Who’s that?” Jungwoo asked, following Doyoung’s gaze.

Before any of them could answer, Jaehyun was already standing in front of Taeyong’s table.

“Mr. Jung, you’re here early.” Taeyong stood up because to be honest, he genuinely didn’t know what to do.

“Jung? Wait a minute, are you Jung Jaehyun? Taeyong hyung’s ex?” Jungwoo asked and Taeyong really wanted to shove a paper in his mouth to shut him up. Taeyong eyed him and mouthed “ _ Shut up, Woo! _ ”

Jaehyun just chuckled. There they were again, those dimples that pretty much can destroy a nation, end world hunger and unify warring countries. “Yes, that ex-boyfriend would be me.” He extended his hand to Jungwoo, “You are?”

“Kim Jungwoo.” He shook Jaehyun’s arms. “Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Jung. I’ve heard  _ so much _ about you.”

“Oh my god, Woo. Shut up.” It was getting embarrassing for Taeyong so he decided to push Jaehyun towards the conference room, earning him a laugh.

“Oh, relax hyung. I’m not gonna tell him about the time you cried while you—“ Jungwoo’s voice became muffled as Doyoung placed his hand over Jungwoo’s mouth to Taeyong’s absolute relief.

Taeyong hurriedly pushed Jaehyun inside the conference room. “I’m so sorry about that. Don’t mind him. He just really likes to spew nonsense. I think that’s his talent. Ahh that kid, really. His mouth is like a raging bulldozer. I bet he doesn’t know the concept of ‘filters’. I will beat his ass later—what?” He had to stop talking because Jaehyun was amusedly looking at him with a wide smile on his face.

“Nothing. Keep going.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m blabbering again, aren’t I?”

“No, go on. I love hearing you talk.”

Taeyong didn’t know how to respond to that. He cleared his throat to say something but when he looked at Jaehyun, the latter was staring at him deeply, like he’s examining every inch of his face very carefully. It almost made him conscious. There was an expression on Jaehyun’s face that Taeyong cannot distinguish clearly. Longing? Fondness? Sadness? Taeyong dropped the gaze and took an interest on the floor.

“Don’t bite your lips.” Jaehyun was now looking at his lips. He didn’t even noticed that he was biting it. “Your lips might bleed.”

“Um. Sorry,” he said, eyes on the floor.

“Why do you keep on saying sorry? What are you sorry for?”

_ A lot of things, Jaehyun. For not believing, for not trusting, for leaving. _

Taeyong just forced a smile at him. “Let’s talk about your wedding, Mr. Jung. Do you have an exact date in mind?”

“Nothing specific yet. But as I’ve said, as soon as she gets here.”

“We need her for the wedding rehearsals. Can’t she come for a while?”

“She’s busy. But I’ll ask her if she can come.”

Taeyong nodded as he flipped the pages on the planning folder. “Okay, please really persuade her to come. It’s important that she’s in her wedding rehearsal. What about the number of guests? The best man and the maid of honor?”

“Just my family and friends for me. Around thirty people for my family and for my friends, just Johnny, Yuta, Mark and my cousin Lucas. I want it to be as intimate as possible. Johnny and Yuta are best men. Can’t pick one over the other or else they’re going to skin me alive. I assume you still know them?”

“Of course I do. They’ve become my friends, too.” Ten and Johnny are living together while Yuta and Sicheng called it quits two years ago for some reason that they both don’t want to disclose. They just said that it was bound to happen and it was a mutual decision. “How about the bride’s guests? Her maid of honor and bridesmaids?”

“Leave that for now. She has so many friends so she can’t decide yet. For her guests, still not sure. But just put it around fifty for now.”

Taeyong wrote it all down. “When she comes home, make sure to get a marriage license. Also, I need the names of the guests for the invitation cards. And speaking of invitation cards, what are your ideas about it? Anything specific?”

“Any ideas from the wedding planner?”

“Well, if you don’t have anything in particular, I was thinking a color play of gold, black and violet.” He reached for a blank piece of paper and made a rough sketch of a castle.

“Is that supposed to be the castle in Tangled?”

“Yes,” he answered smiling as he continued the sketch. “We can ask a professional artist to have a digital painting that is more precise, of course, but this is just to give you an idea. This castle would be like the background then we will put lots of lanterns on it so it would turn out like the scene in Tangled where they were singing I See The Light.” He added a drawing of a boat with a confusingly drawn human figures. “And this is the boat. That’s Rapunzel and Eugene except, well, that’ll be uh y-you and your fiancée on the invitation.” He cleared his throat and continued. “The castle part will be at the top and at the lower half would be the details. A fancy font in gold against a black background would look nice.”

Taeyong pondered upon the whole wedding theme thing. Since he (reluctantly) gave Jaehyun his wedding theme, he decided to give it all in. What’s the point of holding back the details that he wants, right? At the end of the day, Jaehyun is still a client and Taeyong is his wedding planner. And as a pretty established fact in their company and among their clients, Taeyong is damn good at his job and no ex boyfriend will stop him from being the best at what he loves to do.

“That’s a beautiful idea, Taeyong,” Jaehyun said staring on the rough sketch. ”I love that. Let’s go with that.”

Taeyong nodded and wrote down the details. He grabbed the folder labeled “ _Jung and Liu Wedding_ ” and showed the contents to Jaehyun. “Another thing, these are the possible venues for your wedding.”

Jaehyun moved to the seat beside him. Taeyong took a sharp intake of breath and prayed for all his senses to cooperate because  _ what the fuck _ _._ “Sorry, can’t see clearly,” Jaehyun muttered obliviously. “So, these are the venues?”

“Um, y-yeah,” Taeyong stuttered. He looked at Jaehyun’s hands that were flipping the pages in the folder.

It’s strange that years ago, he can hold those hands wherever he wants and whenever he feels like holding them. He used to trace the visible veins in his arms. He used to hold those hands when he’s happy, sad, or nervous. He used to feel those hands touched places in him that he never knew can be touched. Those hands were just in front of him and yet they feel so out of reach.

“You didn’t change your perfume,” Jaehyun said matter of factly as he continued to flip through the pages of the venues. “You still smell like lavenders,” he added.

Taeyong silently gulped at the comment, not wanting to show him how he was surprised that he noticed that little detail. He started wearing a lavender-based perfume when they started dating because he was so endeared with Jaehyun smelling like lavenders that it stuck with him, too.

“Old habits, I guess.”

“Yeah. Those old habits...like old feelings, they really die hard. Don’t you think so?” He asked, lifting his head to cast him a quick glance then proceeded to scan through the pages. Taeyong didn’t miss the meaningful look that lingered on that quick glance but he stayed silent because he didn’t know what to make of that open-ended question.

“When can we see these venues?” Jaehyun eventually asked, making all the thoughts in his head to disappear.

“What venue do you have in mind?”

Jaehyun flipped the page to the one in  Sokcho. “I  think this one is beautiful. The river and the trees are nice touches to the place. ”

“This place is nice. I personally think that this is the most beautiful out of all the choices. There’s a wide private area there near a quiet river. I already contacted the owner beforehand and he said we can come visit it next week.”

“Okay. Let’s go on Saturday next week.”

Taeyong wrote down the details. “Okay. Let’s move on to our agenda for today. We don’t pressure our clients to get all our services. If you want to get special services from others like for the caterers and florists, it’s fine. But our company can arrange these services for you.”

“Do you trust the suppliers of these services? Like, would you get their services if ever you were to get married?”

“What do you mean? Of course. I’ve known them for quite some time now. You don’t have to worry about their services. Our company partners with superb caterers and florists.”

“Okay, we’ll get your company’s services then.”

“Noted. I will contact all the possible caterers for your chosen cuisine. I’ll get back to you within this week or early next week. They’ll be sending us possible menu items and I’ll forward it to you as soon as possible so you’ll have an idea.”

“Yongie, breathe. Are you always this stiff with your clients? Relax. It’s just me.”

_ That’s the problem, Jaehyun. It is you. _

Taeyong cleared his throat. “Right. Uh, as I was saying, I’ll send everything to you as soon as possible.”

Jaehyun nodded in response. “Taeyong?”

“Hmm?”

“I was thinking on inviting Doyoung and Sicheng since I was friends with them too. I know Ten will be Johnny’s plus one. Do you think it will be okay? Considering Sicheng and Yuta used to date.”

“For Doyoung, I don’t think he has any reasons to say no. And as far as I know, Sicheng and Yuta had a proper breakup. I mean, you need to ask them, of course. But, well, we used to date, too and now we’re working together, right?” Taeyong managed a smile.

Jaehyun smiled back. “You’re right. Okay, I’ll invite them.”

“Jaehyun?” he called hesitantly, already biting the skin inside his lower lip.

“Hmm?”

Taeyong hesitated for a while, pondering whether to go on or keep the question to himself.

“If...If I wasn’t your wedding planner, would you invite me, too?”

A minute of silence passed where just the whirring of the air conditioning unit can only be heard.

“I don’t know. Would you want me to?”

Taeyong just shrugged his shoulders because honestly, he didn’t know his answer to that question.

_I don’t even know why I’m planning your wedding, Jaehyun._

He decided to drop the subject immediately. “Well, that’s all we need to talk about for now. I will contact you for the details of the venue we’re visiting next week and your schedule for the food and cake tasting.”

“Okay.” Jaehyun took out his phone and gave it to him.

“Huh?”

“Put your phone number. How else would you contact me?”

“Oh, right.” He typed in his phone number and gave it back to Jaehyun. His phone rang in his pocket.

“That’s me,” Jaehyun said. “Now come on, I’m starving.”

“Right. You can go ahead now. Thank you for your time, Mr. Jung.”

“You’re not eating with me? Come on. Let’s eat. It’s lunch time already. We can invite Doyoung and Jungwoo if you want.”

When Taeyong didn’t answer, Jaehyun grabbed his hand and led him outside the conference room to his table where Doyoung and Jungwoo were talking.

Doyoung was raising an eyebrow and Jungwoo was mouthing “Oooh”.

“Taeyong and I are having lunch. Would you like to join us?”

Taeyong looked at them with pleading eyes. He really didn’t want to be alone with Jaehyun outside the office.

It was Jungwoo who answered. “That depends, Mr. Jung. Would you really like us to join you two?” Taeyong’s eyes widened in alarm while Jaehyun just laughed. “I’m just kidding! Sure. Let me just get my phone. You’re treating us, right?” Jungwoo’s shamelessness is both a blessing and a curse to Taeyong’s life.

“Sure,” Jaehyun answered and Jungwoo went to his table.

Doyoung still didn’t move from where he was sitting, eyebrows still raised.

“What?” Taeyong asked. He followed Doyoung’s eyes that fell in his hand that Jaehyun was still holding. He immediately pulled his hands from the taller’s grip.

“Oh, sorry,” Jaehyun said, smiling sheepishly and shrugged. “Old habits, I guess?”   
  


—————

Jaehyun parked in front of a very familiar restaurant. “Hope you still remember this place,” Jaehyun said, directed at him.

_ Like how could I ever forget, _ he thought. It’s Regulate, the restaurant where they had their very first date.

“Wow, a famous five-star restaurant for a casual lunch? You’re out for the kill, Mr. Jung! Are you perhaps impressing anyone in particular?” Jungwoo’s eyebrows wriggled, a malicious glint in his eyes as he stared back and forth at Taeyong and Jaehyun.

Jaehyun chuckled. “Nah. I was just hit by a sudden burst of nostalgia.”

“Nostalgia?” Jungwoo wondered as they entered the premises led by the maître d’. “Nostalgia...” he repeated. “Oh wait, is this your dating spot before? Wow. I didn’t know you’re the classy type Taeyong hyung.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes at Jungwoo, already regretting saying yes to this lunch invite. They all took their seats with Jaehyun sitting beside him. “Can we just place our orders? Stop blabbering, Jungwoo.”

“Ah, the kitten has claws.”

“Jungwoo, I am three years older than you.”

“I know. That’s why I call you ‘hyung’.”

Taeyong’s lips tightened in a line. He can never win with Jungwoo. He sighed as they all placed their orders and the maître d’ left to get them.

“Hey, Sicheng said he’s in the area and wants to grab lunch with us. Jaehyun, will it be okay for you?” Doyoung asked.

“Of course.” He called back the maître d’ to add another order for Sicheng.

“Doyoung hyung, you can’t come with me on Saturday, right?” Jungwoo asked Doyoung.

“Yes. It’s the final rehearsal for the Kwon and Park wedding so I need to be there. Sorry, Woo.”

“It’s alright. I’ll just drag Sicheng. But don’t forget to let me tag along in their actual wedding, okay?”

“Jungwoo, I can’t do that. I’m a professional.”

“Oh come on. I let you tag along when I planned Park Seo Joon’s wedding before! You said you have to see him one last time as a bachelor so you can move on with your life without regrets. That’s what I feel for Kwon Jiyong, too!”

“Fine. Fine. I’ll see what I can do.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun laughed at the bickering of the two.

“Doyoung, I’m really surprised to know that you’re a wedding planner now. I didn’t peg you as someone who would go to this line of work.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t see myself here, too. But you know what they say—if you can’t beat them, join them. How about you? I won’t lie, I was really surprised when I saw you last week in the office then I heard from Taeyong here that he’s going to be your wedding planner. You’re getting married before Johnny and Ten. I’m surprised.”

“Well, I don’t really see the point of dragging it too long when I can clearly see where it’s headed.”

Taeyong took a long sip from his glass of water, feasting his eyes on the flowering trees inside the restaurant. Nothing changed much in the interior of the place. If anything, it looked fancier than before. Either that or he forgot how the place looked like since he hadn’t been inside this restaurant for the past five years.

“Don’t you find it weird, though? Letting Taeyong hyung, your ex-boyfriend, to plan your wedding?” Jungwoo asked, making Taeyong almost choke on his water.

“Jungwoo.”

“It’s fine,” Jaehyun chuckled. “And about your question, I don’t see any problem with letting him plan my wedding. I honestly think he’s the perfect person to do that.”

“Why? I mean, he’s your ex boyfriend and I heard you haven’t talked the whole time you were away,” Jungwoo asked, taking the nagging question out of Taeyong’s mind.

“Because he knows me best. I mean after all, he had me at my best. Does that make sense?” Jaehyun chuckled. “I don’t think that made much sense but that’s what I think.”

Taeyong knew Jaehyun didn’t mean to let his words sting. He knew he didn’t mean for the words to have an attacking power but he suddenly can’t help but to wince inwardly on the uttered words. He did had him at his best and he wasted it for reasons that have been haunting him for so long, he’d rather not think about them. But unlike Jaehyun, Taeyong will not let himself be consumed by the freaking nostalgia that was hanging in the air, dangling on Jaehyun’s smile and shooting from Jaehyun’s eyes.

“Oh Taeyong, I almost forgot to tell you. The people in Mercy Homes are all invited,” he told him.

Taeyong felt a sudden pang of emotions upon the mention of Mercy Homes. Just as he hasn’t seen Jaehyun in five years, he also hasn’t seen the elderlies from Mercy Homes for the same amount of time. It’s not that he didn’t miss them. In fact, he miss them a humongous amount every single day. It’s also not because he forgot about them. A huge portion of his salary even goes to his donations for the retirement home foundation. It’s just that, no matter how much he loves and cares for the people of Mercy Homes, he just didn’t had it in him to bring himself to go to the place where the memories of Jaehyun is the most haunting. 

“Do you still remember their monthly night parties and events? They have something planned next week. Do you want to come with me? They miss you, you know.”

He took a sad, sharp breath. Of course he missed them a lot too. Maybe it’s time to bury everything that ever happened before. They both moved on, right? Jaehyun is even getting married. They’re even working together now. Maybe it’s finally time to come out of his hiding place when the ghost of his past is already in front of him. “I’ll let you know,” was all he said.

Their food finally arrived. A variety of Italian cuisine filled the table, food tasting even better on the next bites. Jaehyun’s words from before still stands—Regulate is the best place for Italian cuisine.

Doyoung waved a hand at Sicheng who was walking towards their table as they were eating their lunch. Jaehyun stood up and offered him a hug to which the other returned. “Hey! Long time no see, Jaehyunnie.”

“I know. How have you been? You look good, Sicheng. I heard you’re a celebrity stylist now.”

“You heard right. I do some styling and designing here and there.”

“The wedding entourage doesn’t have a stylist yet. Can I get your services for my wedding?”

“Oh right, the one Taeyong’s planning? So it really is true that you’re getting married now. Ten said that even Johnny didn’t know about your upcoming marriage. He just found out when you landed here two weeks ago.”

Jaehyun offered a small laugh. “Yes. I haven’t really told anyone yet. Except maybe Yuta? Since he visited me a lot when I was abroad.”

Sicheng just nodded. Upon what Jaehyun said or the mention of his past boyfriend, he really can’t tell . “About your wedding entourage, sure. Just stop by at my office so we can talk about it in detail. Or I’ll coordinate with your wedding planner here,” he said glancing at Taeyong abruptly. “Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, by the way.”

“About that, I actually want to invite you guys on my wedding. We’ve been friends after all even if we haven’t talked for, well, five years.”

Doyoung and Sicheng casted a reluctant look on Taeyong.

“What?” He asked and smiled at them softly. “It’s fine. You don’t need my permission. It’s not my wedding.”

Sicheng eyed him as if asking if he’s sure to which Taeyong nodded. “I, um sure Jaehyun. I’ll be there at your wedding,” Sicheng said.

“Y-yeah. Me, too. I’ll be there,” Doyoung muttered with a small, tight smile.

“Jungwoo, I’ll give you an invitation letter but we just talked about the design a while ago. Would you like to come to my wedding, too?”

“Me? You sure? Because Mr. Jung, I’m practically a stranger,” Jungwoo said.

“You’re friends with them,” he said, gesturing towards Taeyong, Sicheng and Doyoung. “And you are really entertaining. I’m sure you will make the event livelier.”

“Do you have a brother?”

“None. I don’t have any siblings.”

“Oh, right. You’re a sole heir.” Jungwoo turned to him. “Damn hyung, why did you let this man go?”

Taeyong choked on his pasta. “Jungwoo, shut the fuck up.”

Jumgwoo raised both of his arms as a playful sign of surrender. “Cousins? Best man or groomsmen who are single?

“My best men are Johnny and Yuta. I have cousins and friends who are single, though.”

“Shoot. Count me in. Might as well indulge myself on the single guests. So Yuta hyung is one of your best men. That means Taeyong hyung’s not the only one who reunited or will be reuniting with their ex huh? This wedding is really interesting.”

Sicheng rolled his eyes rather forcefully. “Oh shut it, Woo. Yuta and I ended things peacefully.”

“Really? Yuta told me that you guys haven’t talked since your breakup though?” Jaehyun asked.

“I said we ended things peacefully, I didn’t say we decided to be best friends and continue talking to each other.” They laughed at his remark.

“How about you guys? What happened? Ended things peacefully, too?” Jungwoo asked, turning to Taeyong and Jaehyun. The whole table fell silent.

In Jungwoo’s defense, he didn’t know the details of their breakup. To the people who don’t know, it was a harmless question, just a genuine curiosity. But for Taeyong, it hits a little too close to home. 

He knew the exact answer, of course. It was a resounding “No”. The ending of their relationship was far from peaceful. It was chaos and if it’s a battlefield, they will be covered in blood. It was ferociously building a high tower just to fall from it on a long way down. It was their own personal trojan war—it was completely unnecessary but he realized it too late. And it was all on him and him alone. 

He didn’t miss the stolen look that Jaehyun gave him. A part of him knew they’re thinking the same thing. _Peaceful_? It left a bitter taste on his mouth. 

“Some things are better left unsaid,” Jaehyun answered with a small smile.

Funny he said that because the things left unsaid are what brought them to their demise. 

But it’s been years so he said, “I agree.”

The group continued eating while throwing stories here and there, trying to lighten the mood. 

_The things left unsaid._ How he wish he just shouted the words when he had the chance.


	11. Cycle of the Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated the tags. Apologies for the errors that you may find. Kinda like a long-ass ride but, uh, oh well. Here goes nothing.  
> tw // cheating

_** Five years ago ** _

  
Taeyong has been staring at the cheesy buffalo chicken pasta that has gone cold for quite some time now. He looked at the clock.  _1:30am._ He breathed out a sigh before deciding to put out the fire on the lavender-scented candles and throw them together with the pasta in the trash bin.

He checked his phone to see if Jaehyun has sent him anything but to no avail, just the icons in the screen staring back at him.

He decided to just call it a night. He took a shower, went to his bed where the soft sheets were waiting for him. He didn’t stop the tears that started falling as soon as his face hit the pillow because that’s what he’s been wanting to do not just tonight but for quite some time now.

He understands that Jaehyun is busy. It was their last semester in the university and they both needed to undergo internships as requirements for graduation. Jaehyun entered an internship program in one of his family’s group of companies but his father put him directly under his wing to start training him. He said that they’re handling an important business acquisition entailing a lot of paperworks and different departments working together. That’s what he always said whenever he’s late to their supposed lunch dates that turned into dinners that eventually turned into midnight snacks. He was busy so Taeyong understands. Business ventures typically last for months, right? And to top it off, they’re in the last semester of their senior year, too so the load is really heavy. He understands. He never demanded anything—not his time, not his attention—because he knows there are more important stuff going on in their lives right now more than their desire to see each other.

He just miss him so bad, especially tonight. He hasn’t seen him eye to eye for weeks now. They just text each other on the phone whenever the other has some time to spare. Sometimes, Jaehyun goes straight to his apartment whenever he comes from work on midnight and sleep beside him but whenever Taeyong wakes up, he’s already gone. Just the faint scent of his lavender-scented shampoo left on the pillows being the only trace that he was there.

But he understands. He always do. He will never take it against him.

But today is their second anniversary together and Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen, not even a single text message. He’s allowed to feel sad, right?

He fell asleep with a heavy heart and a pillow soaked with his tears.

——————

Taeyong woke up as he felt hands enveloping him, a head carefully resting against his back. He rolled over and was met by his boyfriend’s handsome face. He looked at the clock on the bedside table.  _ 3:20am . _

“Jaehyunnie, did you arrive just now? It’s late.”

The other just hummed and wrapped his arms around him tighter.

“Well, go to sleep now. I know you’re tired.”

“Happy anniversary, Yongie.” Jaehyun nuzzled closer to him. “I’m so sorry I’m late. I wasn’t able to call you because it was a busy day and I didn’t notice that my phone died.”

And just like that, all the things that have been circling his mind for a couple of months were all gone. All the pent up pains and sadness vanished. It still surprises him how easily he crumbles to Jaehyun, how he’s willing to give him everything with just one word or one touch. All he knows now is that he missed feeling his arms around him, touching him, kissing him, talking to him, and even just staring at him. He missed him a lot.

“It’s okay. I know you have a lot to do. I understand.”

Jaehyun nuzzled his head on his neck. “You know I love you so much, right?”

He felt all his inhibitions dissolve into nothingness. “I know, baby.”

Jaehyun planted a soft kiss on his lips. He felt himself melting on the kiss as the other made it deeper. It was their typical kiss, nothing new but still, when their lips touched, he felt the tingling in every part of his body. Theirs was a kiss always so sweet and so deep, he never wanted to come up for air. Jaehyun’s hand rested on his waist, circling his thumb to the exposed skin while the other hand traced his jaw down to his neck.

Jaehyun bit his lower lip and slipped his tongue into his mouth and he cannot hold back the desperate moan that escaped him.

“Jae, aren’t you tired?” He asked, knowing full well where the hungry kisses were heading to.

Jaehyun just hummed in response, already pressing wet kisses along the outline of his jaw down to his neck. He moaned when he felt his tongue licked and sucked the sensitive spot on his neck. His fingers threaded through Jaehyun’s hair and tugged it slightly which made the other groan. Jaehyun continued exploring the skin of his neck. He’s pretty sure he will be wearing a lot of turtlenecks for a while.

“Baby, I fucking missed you. You taste so sweet.”

Jaehyun’s words went straight to his dick. He lifted Taeyong’s shirt while the latter helped him unbutton his dress shirt until they’re both naked from the top. Jaehyun licked his left nipple before wriggling out of his pants and boxers, exposing his glorious body for Taeyong’s eyes to feast on. 

He wondered if he saved the country in his past life because man, his boyfriend is so hot.

Jaehyun went back to licking his nipples and slowly dragged it down to his stomach. He moaned at the sensation, fingers gripping the other man’s hair because it felt so fucking good. His boyfriend lifted the waistband of his boxers using his teeth to push them down, his dick on full display with precum already leaking on it. He was so sex-deprived that he won’t be surprised if he comes untouched. Jaehyun licked his lower lip at the naked sight, lust filled his eyes as he stared at him the way a predator stares at his prey.

“I don’t care if you want to wreck my body, Jaehyun, but just do it.”

Jaehyun groaned at the words. He planted tender kisses on his thighs going upward so slowly, it’s becoming torturous. His hands grappled Taeyong’s legs to keep him still as his tongue made its way to his entrance.

“Oh my god. Fuck! Jaehyun!” Taeyong moaned loudly, not caring if he was loud enough for his neighbors to hear. He couldn’t possibly care when his hot boyfriend’s tongue was circling his hole as if his life depended on it.

His legs shook in pleasure. “Stay still, babe. Keep your legs open. I want to see all of you.”

He buried his face on the cheeks of his ass, fucking their way into his hole and spitting on it. He let out a cry of pleasure as Jaehyun made obscene sounds. It was music to his ears. It was dirty. It was hot. And he loves every single sound coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

Jaehyun pulled his tongue out and made his way up to his lips to kiss him, letting him have a taste of his own. The kiss was hungry, rough, just like how it should be for not being able to touch each other for a month. Taeyong sucked his boyfriend’s tongue, earning a lusty groan from him. He was so lost into pleasure that he didn’t notice how Jaehyun reached into the drawer to slather lube on his fingers. He whimpered when he felt two slender fingers probing his entrance and moaned loudly when he felt them inside. His toes curled and body quivered as Jaehyun moved his fingers, opening him up, stretching him, hitting the spot he knows well enough to make Taeyong lose his mind.

“Ahh, fuck! Baby, I want you inside me now.”

“A little impatient now, aren’t you, my love? I’m not done though?” Jaehyun chuckled and Taeyong’s eyes filled with tears when the other pushed another finger inside him, making him into a panting, moaning mess. Jaehyun knew he would like another finger first before taking his cock in his ass. He knew him too well.

“On your hands and knees,” Jaehyun whispered roughly on his ear and it was so hot, he felt himself shiver.

Jaehyun coated lube all over his dick and squeezed the cheeks of his ass hard and slapped them. He moaned loudly because it hurt just like he wanted to. He teased the tip of his cock to his gaping hole, slapping his cock against his ass before starting to push his length inside him, his back arching in absolute pleasure as it elicit a lewd moan from the other.

“You okay, babe?” Jaehyun asked as he stopped for Taeyong to adjust to his size.

“Yes. Just fuck me already, baby. Please.” He was desperate for movement. They haven’t had sex for a month. He has the right to be desperate.

“I love it when you beg for me to fuck you,” Jaehyun grumbled as he started to move. He held his waist to steady him and their moans echoed the room, lewd, sinful noise ricocheting across the walls back to their ears making him close his eyes and part his lips in pleasure.

“Faster, baby. Yes, that’s it. Wreck me, I don’t care.”

Jaehyun’s fingers dug deeper on his waist as he rammed his cock inside him faster. His hand travelled from his waist to his dick, pumping it through the rhythm of his thrusts and Taeyong is about to lose his damn mind because of the multiple stimulation. Taeyong whimpered at every thrust hitting the sensitive spot on his ass and at every stroke on his cock, his hands grabbing the sheets for support.

“Baby, I’m close,” he cried almost breathless, the high consuming his body. Jaehyun flipped him on his back without removing his dick inside him and thrust hard again. He could feel that the man was close too looking at how his muscles tensed and how breathy his moans were becoming, his skin glistening in sweat. _Fucking hot._

He felt Jaehyun’s fingers on his neck, gently squeezing the spot in his throat that made him see stars and black dots just like how he loves it. With that and a couple of pumps on his cock, he felt his own release, spurting cum on his and Jaehyun’s abdomen. Jaehyun continued the sharp thrusts on Taeyong’s sensitive spot a little more, chasing his own climax and released it inside him. He laid down on top of Taeyong, panting heavily on his neck. They stayed like that for a while with only their heavy breaths filling up the room.

Jaehyun pulled his dick out and stared at him lovingly before planting a chaste kiss on his lips. It was soft, quick—a kiss that felt like a habit that they’re going to do for the rest of their lives. “Happy anniversary, love.”

_______

Taeyong woke up with Jaehyun’s arm wrapped around his waist. He stared at his sleeping boyfriend, admiring his peaceful slumber. He traced his closed eyes, the bridge of his nose, and his mouth that took him to unspeakable places and unexplainable pleasures last night. He basked in the calmness that staring on his face brought. Oh, how he missed him.

He decided to cook breakfast for him, to somehow make an attempt to celebrate their anniversary. He carefully removed Jaehyun’s armaround him so as not to wake him up. His boyfriend didn’t budge, remaining deeply lost in dreamland. He smiled at the sight lovingly.

He picked up Jaehyun’s dress shirt and wore it and proceeded to pick up all their other clothes strewn on the floor.

Taeyong took out a box of pancakes and some eggs. He eyed the pasta that was in the trash bin and decided to take it out before Jaehyun sees it. He knew his boyfriend will just feel sad and guilty when he finds out that he’s been waiting for him all night. The last thing he wanted was to add up on Jaehyun’s burdensome thoughts. He also picked up Jaehyun’s phone to charge it because true enough, his phone’s battery was really drained.

He was flipping the pancakes and transferring them in the plates when he felt Jaehyun’s familiar hands snaking on his waist and his head resting on his shoulders sleepily. The cute action made him giggle. “Yes, baby? You still look sleepy. Why are you up already?”

“You’re not in bed anymore. Then I smelled the pancakes and saw the hot chef making them wearing my dress shirt. Whoever said dreams are better than reality probably hasn’t seen you cooking with just an oversize shirt. I’d rather stare at you than sleep. Are those soufflé?”

He laughed. “Yes. Go sit there. This is almost done.”

Jaehyun just hummed as Taeyong felt his soft lips tickle his sensitive neck that made him shudder oh so early in the morning. He felt him lick the soft skin on his neck and Taeyong let a moan escape out of his mouth.  _Good fucking morning, universe._

“Jaehyun, baby...the pancakes—oh god...” His eyes rolled in pleasure as he felt him suck the skin of his neck.

“Hmm? Yes babe? You were saying?” Jaehyun responded as he continued ravishing his neck that was already filled with hickies from the night before.

“Okay, Jae. Let me finish this—fuck,” Jaehyun’s hands travelled across his chest, one settling on his nipple and the other one on his dick.

Oh, to hell with the soufflé. He loves to eat the soft, fluffy pancakes but there was no way he would choose it over the hard bulge pressing on his lower back. Taeyong switched off the stove and turned to Jaehyun, linking his arms on his neck as he let the man take a feast on his body.

Jaehyun lifted him and placed him on the table. Yes, it’s unhygienic because they’re having a full-blown makeout session where he eats his food but again, to hell with it. He’d rather be eaten than eat, anyway. Jaehyun unbuttoned the dress shirt he was wearing, lips touching every exposed skin like he didn’t ravish him enough last night. Before he can explore further, he pushed Jaehyun to sit on the chair, breaking the contact. Jaehyun looked at him with a puzzled frustration which made him laugh but he’s a man on a mission. “Let me pleasure you, Jaehyunnie.” He grabbed the other man’s bulge and stroked his dick that was still inside the fabric. He pulled his boxers down from which Jaehyun’s dick sprang up, already fucking hard. Taeyong bit his lower lip at the sight.

He placed open-mouthed kisses on his lips, slowly dragging his tongue down his neck, to his well-defined abdomen, taking his time to lick his abs. He looked at his boyfriend’s eyes which were hooded with arousal and stared at him lustfully as he went down on his knees without breaking the eye contact, lightly stroking Jaehyun’s dick. Precum was already leaking on the tip and Taeyong caught it with his tongue, licking the slit repeatedly which made the other moan in pleasure.

“Fuck, that tongue never fails to surprise me.”

Taeyong’s dick twitched inside his own boxers upon hearing the praise. He ran his tongue across his length, dipping the tip of his tongue to the tip of his cock, wetting the shaft thoroughly, sucking like his life depended on it. He took him all in, the rest of his length that he cannot fit inside his mouth, he stroked. He bobbed his head up and down his length, fingers digging on Jaehyun’s legs as his throat clenched every time it was hit by Jaehyun’s dick. Jaehyun moaned and pulled his hair which elicit a lewd moan from Taeyong.

He watched as Jaehyun’s threw his head back, hand gripping Taeyong’s hair with a force enough to make him touch himself. He spread his knees wider to let Jaehyun see him touching himself, tugging on his own dick faster as he simultaneously ran his tongue on the veins of Jaehyun’s cock, swirling his tongue along the slit of the shaft, just like how his boyfriend likes it.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so good at this. You look so fucking pretty with my dick inside your mouth.”

He pulled his head back, a string of saliva connecting his tongue to Jaehyun’s cock. He caught the saliva with his tongue before licking a fat stripe on his cock down his balls, taking each ball in his mouth one by one. He took Jaehyun’s cock in his mouth again, hallowing his mouth as a popping sound was heard when he released his dick upon sucking. “Fuck baby, that’s right.” Jaehyun’s voice was raspier, gritting his teeth as he moaned louder. He took his cock inside his mouth again, base reaching his throat as Jaehyun guided his head, taking lead on fucking his mouth thoroughly, pushing down further making him choke and tighten every time his cock hits his throat. He whimpered on the sensation and tugged his own dick faster, feeling close to his orgasm.

“Oh god, baby, I’m coming.”

Taeyong just moaned as he continued to bob up and down his dick, tongue playing on the slit of the shaft.

“Taeyong, baby.” He sensed that the man is close to his release now so he let the tip hit his throat once more and quickly suck on it.

“Taeyong, fuck. Baby, I’m coming.” His moans sounded more desperate as he grew closer to his release.

“Come inside my mouth,” he said through gagged mouth with Jaehyun’s cock inside.

With those words, Jaehyun moaned his name loudly as he felt the surge of hot liquid in his mouth trickling down his throat and some dripping down his chin along with his own saliva. Taeyong felt his own release all over his fingers, cum dripping on the floor. He looked at Jaehyun who has his eyes closed while his head leaned on the back of the chair, sweat trickling on his forehead and skin glistening under the sunlight from the window. He grinned at the sight.

“You okay, babe?”

He opened his eyes, the high still evident on his face. He smiled at him and said, “Never been better, baby.”

——————————

Jaehyun was inside the shower when Taeyong noticed the former’s phone lighting up. He looked at it and saw that he has ten missed calls from a contact named Park Chaeyoung. His brows furrowed trying to remember someone with that name but to no avail. Maybe it’s one of his co-workers?  _ Ten missed calls on a Saturday? _ Taeyong hesitated to pry but it’s a normal thing for him and Jaehyun to touch each other’s phone since they have nothing to hide. Upon unlocking, the screen opened up to the messages app and Taeyong almost dropped the phone as he felt his heart dropped in his stomach. It was a sent message to the same contact name.

_Don’t worry. I’m ending this._

Taeyong’s hands were shaking.  _ Ending what? Jaehyun is ending what? _ There was a nagging thought at the back of his head that he was trying to bury but the thought kept on reappearing.  _ Is Jaehyun? No way. _

He heard the water stop running indicating that Jaehyun was done showering. He hurriedly put his phone down and decided to pretend like he didn’t see something on his phone that was making him shiver despite the hot morning.

Jaehyun emerged from the shower, towel covering his lower body, water dripping from his hair down to his well-defined abs.

“Yongie, what’s wrong?” He asked, eyes staring at him worriedly.

He shook his head and forced a smile. “Nothing. Just...you look magnificent baby.”

Jaehyun’s eyes crinkled as he laughed, ears and neck slowly painting a shade of red and if there wasn’t something bothering his thoughts, he would have cooed at the spot because the sight was just too adorable for his weak heart.

“Well you should look at yourself in the mirror, babe. I did say you look like a god among us humans, right? I still wonder how I got so lucky to have you.” He kissed his forehead and headed to his room to change.

He took a deep breath and exhaled nervously through his mouth. What he saw was probably nothing. It could mean anything, right? He could be ending a song he’s playing, a tv series he’s watching, or a possible business deal maybe. Yeah, that’s probably it. That Park Chaeyoung might just be a colleague or something.

_ Or something... What is this something... _

_ “Don’t worry. I’m ending this.” _

He felt his heart pound so hard against his chest, unconsciously biting his nails due to the growing suspicions settling inside him.

_ Is he...is he ending our relationship? Or is he in a relationship with that Park Chaeyoung and he’s ending that perhaps? _

Both choices left a bitter taste in his mouth. Jaehyun wouldn’t cheat on him. They love each other. He’s not like that.

His mind went back to all the nights he spent waiting for him; to all the missed calls and unanswered text messages, and last minute cancelled plans. He thought of the uncelebrated second anniversary without a single word from the other the whole day.

_“Don’t worry. I’m ending this.”_

He didn’t hear the door of his room swung open. He was startled when he felt Jaehyun’s hand holding his wrist, taking his fingers away from his mouth. “Taeyong, is everything okay?”

“Huh? Yes. Of course. Everything’s fine. Why?”

“I know something’s bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing. I-I just remembered that I’m having the final evaluation on my internship so yeah, I’m kinda nervous about that.”

“You know they love you there, baby. I’m sure you did well. Can you believe we’re almost out of college after our respective internships? I’m proud of us, but I’m much prouder of you. Don’t worry about it okay?” Jaehyun smiled at him brightly, showing the set of dimples that he loved. He felt himself calm down. Those dimples never failed on being his personal shot of serotonin.

“Thank you, Jaehyunie.” He noticed that he’s all dressed up wearing an office attire. “Are you going somewhere? It’s Saturday.”

“I just need to meet up with Johnny for a while in the office. I’ll get back later this afternoon.”

“Okay. Take care.”

“Yes babe. I’ll go now, we’ll celebrate our anniversary later, okay?” He said and kissed his forehead.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll wait for you.”

He picked up his keys and walked towards the door. “Oh wait, my phone.”

“It’s plugged in over there,” he said pointing him to the socket in the kitchen. Jaehyun plugged it out of the socket and stared at the phone. His expression hardened upon looking at the screen.

“Something wrong, babe?” He asked in his softest voice possible, trying to conceal the swirling thoughts in his head through attempted nonchalance.

He lifted his head. “Huh? Oh nothing. I just remembered something I needed to do. I’ll go now. I’ll see you later. I love you, okay?”

He gave him a quick peck in the lips and went out of the door.

Taeyong’s knees gave in, the beating on his chest growing louder than a while back.

_I’m ending this? _ _Ending what? Is he cheating on me?_ He can’t be. Jaehyun wouldn’t do that—won’t even think about doing that. He loves him. He just said so. Maybe he’s looking into this too much. There’s always an explanation for everything.

He trusts Jaehyun. He does. He has to because he loves him.

—————

Jaehyun texted Taeyong that he will come to his apartment later than what they initially agreed to because he has to go somewhere he didn’t specify. Taeyong didn’t pry anymore. He trusts Jaehyun. He loves Jaehyun.

He had nothing else to do for that day so he decided to pester his friends into watching a movie just to get his mind off things. He knocked on Ten’s dorm room and was welcomed by Johnny. “Oh, hey Tae. Come in. Sicheng and Doyoung are already here.”

His eyes widened upon seeing the man. “Johnny, what are you doing here?”

“Uh, am I not allowed to be in my boyfriend’s dorm room or am I not allowed to join you guys?” Johnny laughed nervously.

“Oh, no! No, that’s not what I meant. I just thought that you and Jaehyun are supposed to see each other?”

“Oh! I thought for a minute there that you don’t want me here.” Johnny chuckled, opening the door wider to let him in. “Yeah, we were supposed to finish a report quickly in the office but he texted me just a while ago that he needed to be somewhere else. Didn’t he tell you?”

Jaehyun didn’t tell him that he bailed on Johnny to go somewhere else. The suspicions in his chest slowly crept up again but he tried his best to bury it. “Oh, h-he did. I just didn’t ask where.” He cleared his throat and try to change the topic at hand. “What are we watching?”

“We were choosing between Gone Girl or A Walk to Remember,” Ten answered. “We decided that we want to channel our bad bitches and give Ms. Rosamund Pike the recognition she deserves.”

Taeyong swallowed an invisible lump on his throat upon hearing this.  _ Gone Girl? _ A woman framing her cheating husband for her supposed murder?

“Why don’t we just watch A Walk to Remember and cry our eyes out when Landon takes Jamie to two places at once?” He suggested.

“Bitch, the sun hasn’t set yet for us to be sappy. And you all have boyfriends and I have none. You need the Gone Girl more than I do.” Doyoung said which made them all confused.

“Uh, why?”

“So that you’ll know what to do when one of them cheats,” Doyoung answered pointing at Johnny.

“Hey, I would never think about it. And as if I would ever find someone more gorgeous and talented than Ten,” Johnny argued, intertwining his and Ten’s fingers to which they all rolled their eyes.

“You guys are so disgusting,” Sicheng scoffed.

“Shut up. You and Yuta are just like that.”

“I never said we weren’t like that. Taeyong and Jaehyun are the worst though.”

“Hey! We’re cute.”

“I agree,” Doyoung said. “They’re disgustingly cute, I hate that I can’t even hate it.”

——————

The movie ended with all of them literally clapping their hands. “Wow, Rosamund Pike deserves an Oscar for that monologue,” Sicheng said.

“I agree. She was robbed!”

“What would you hoes do if ever you found out your partner is cheating on you like Nick Dunne, that asshole?” Doyoung asked suddenly, making the thoughts inside his pithos of a mind to slowly spill out.

“You all know I’ll cry. I have been cheated with, if you all remember Jung Jaehoon—yes Tae, I’m looking at your dumb ass.” He threw a pillow on Ten’s face to which he barely dodged, remembering the man whose name he mistook as Jaehyun’s.

“If Yuta cheated on me? Hmm. I don’t think I have the patience to execute a Gone Girlfake murder scheme. I think I’d rather pull a Desi Collings scene.”

“You’re going to cut his dick? Bitch, you’re scary!”

“I’m just kidding! I would never do that.” He turned to Johnny. “Don’t tell Yuta I ever said I’ll Desi Collings him, or else...”

Ten narrowed his eyes at him. “Don’t threaten my man’s dick ever again. If that doesn’t twitch later, I’ll Desi Collings you.”

“Shut up, Ten. You’re so disgusting.”

“What about you, Tae? What would you do if you got cheated on?” Doyoung asked.

Taeyong didn’t answer for a while, letting the question sink. “I...I will leave.”

“You’ll leave? Just like that? Why?”

“Well if...if someone cheated then that just means that there’s something lacking in the relationship that apparently can only be filled by another person. If...if I can’t make him happy like I used to, reaching to the point where he has to find another person, then I don’t see the point of the relationship, right?” He smiled bitterly as the thoughts raced on his head. “And I’m too soft to Desi Collings someone so I’ll simply just leave without the fake murder fiasco,” he added just to mask the hidden emotions lingering on his words.

“Damn, we’re talking about borderline psycho Gone Girl stuff. I don’t know how you managed to pull a soft bitch here. Are you okay?” Sicheng asked him jokingly.

_ Is he? _ “Yeah, of course. Y’all are just gruesome.”

“Good thing Jaehyun would never even think of cheating on you, then,” Ten said. 

He offered him a timid smile at this. “You think so?”

“Dude, he’s motherfucking Balenciaga cap-covered head-over-Christian Louboutin-heels in love with you. If you told him you wanted a cake, he’ll give you a whole bakery. If you told him you wanted your locks fixed, he’ll give you a brand-new house. If you say you wanted flowers, he’ll give you a whole plantation. And I’m not talking about money here. Do you get what I mean?” Doyoung said.

Taeyong laughed softly. “You honestly think so?”

“No shit, Tae. You’ve been together for years but he talks about you with us like you’re still on flirting stage.” Johnny said smiling at him.

“When I look at you two, I sometimes wish that I have a boyfriend to be disgustingly cute with. But then I remember that I’m gonna be sticking to one dick and then it makes me think that ‘Nah, it ain’t worth it for now’.”

A pillow hit Doyoung’s face. “Doyoung, you whore, we were all having a cute moment!”

——————

Days went by after Taeyong saw the text message. He did his best to forget about it but it was hard to do when Jaehyun is nowhere near him to contradict his thoughts. It was a battle against his mind and his heart just happened to be on the weaker side.

It was a Thursday night when Jaehyun decided to sleep on Taeyong’s apartment instead of his own condo unit. He was startled when his door opened up because he wasn’t expecting to see Jaehyun. There was a hint of alcohol and something foreign on the way he smelled. It was the smell of strawberries. His brows furrowed in confusion.  _ Strawberries_ _?_ Jaehyun never smelled like strawberries.

He didn’t get to ask Jaehyun that night because he looked so tired, he didn’t had the heart to ask him questions. He just let him sleep peacefully and decided to just talk to him in the morning. When he woke up, Jaehyun already went to work, leaving him alone with his thoughts once more.

He wanted to trust Jaehyun. He never wanted to think that the love of his life,the man who gives him the brightest smile that puts the sun into shame, is cheating on him. That’s the last thing he wanted to think. It’s out of character for Jaehyun to do that. But everything was suddenly making him think otherwise.

Last Wednesday, they were in a restaurant near Taeyong’s workplace. He was surprised to see the man when he said he was waiting for him in the lobby. It’s been weeks since they last went on a date. It was a good day. They were eating while laughing at something Jaehyun and Johnny did at work when the former’s phone rang. Taeyong briefly saw the caller’s name that flashed before Jaehyun picked up the phone. It was Park Chaeyoung.

“Babe, do you mind if I take this?”

“Not at all,” he said as if he wasn’t suddenly being plagued by a hundred thoughts on his head.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jaehyun said as he picked up the call.

He was trying to focus on chewing his food when Jaehyun laughed. “Yeah, sure. I’ll meet you there. Don’t forget it this time.” He paused then laughed again. “See you, bye.”

“Who was that?” Taeyong tried to sound as innocently as he can.

“That’s Rosé. She’s a friend. You should meet her.”

Taeyong just gave him a fake smile as he took another bite of the food.

_ Rosé_ _?_ He clearly saw the name Park Chaeyoung when he saw his screen briefly. Did Jaehyun just lie to his face? He wanted to ask him. He was there in front of him, he could ask but he suddenly cannot let his mouth do the talking. Suddenly, he’s afraid to confront him.

 _ Is he?  _ No. He wouldn’t do that. He knew he wouldn’t. So he let it go.

They are currently in a club celebrating the end of his internship. He had plenty enough to drink, trying to let the alcohol drown his thoughts and save him from another night of overthinking and baseless _(is it?)_ doubting. His head already felt light as he danced through the loud bass playing a party song he didn’t recognize while chugging a bottle of tequila on his hand. He needed the alcohol badly, especially when it’s supposed to be his celebration but his boyfriend was nowhere yet to be seen. Thankfully, his friends let him drink beyond what he can tolerate tonight since this is supposed to be his celebration or else he’ll draw blood.

He felt strong hands touching his arms, pulling him up. “Taeyong, get up. Let’s go home.”

He looked up and smiled cheerily as he saw him.

“Oh! Jaehyunnie! My Jaehyunnie is here.”

“Yes, baby. Come on. Let’s get you home, okay?”

“Why? You just got here! Let’s drink some more!”

“Jaehyun, get him home. He has drank a lot,” he heard someone say.

“No! I’m not—hic—drunk!”

“Okay, babe. You’re not. But let’s get you home for now, okay?” He giggled but let the man drag him up.

The next thing he knew, his back was already touching the soft bed. He felt Jaehyun kiss his forehead and as he leaned in, he smelled the same scent again. Even in his drunken state, he recognized the foreign smell invading his senses.

“Jaehyunnie.”

“Yes, baby? Are you alright? Do you want some water?”

“Jaehyunnie, you smell like strawberries. You never smelled like strawberries.”

“What are you talking about? Go to sleep now, hmm? Let’s just talk tomorrow.”

“Jaehyun, you love me, right?”

“Of course, babe. So much. Sleep now.”

—————

The first thing Taeyong noticed aside from feeling like his skull was going to crack open when he woke up was the smell. It was the same foreign scent that he kept on smelling from Jaehyun that he’s becoming accustomed to it. It’s the smell of the strawberries so early in the morning, he almost forgot about his hangover.

He opened his eyes, greeted by Jaehyun’s face who was peacefully sleeping and still wearing his dress shirt from the night before. He must have dozed off too when he put Taeyong to bed last night.

_ So that explains the strawberry scent, _ he thought.

He has been in a constant silent battle with his clouded thoughts because of the fucking text message and the damned strawberry smell.He knew all these would end if he just ask the questions but he’s afraid. A part of him knows that Jaehyun would never do anything to purposely hurt him but the monsters in his head were making him think otherwise.

He’s afraid to ask. What if all the worst things he’s ever thought of are true? Can he live with the devastation? What will he do if Jaehyun really did cheat or is still cheating? He’s afraid that he’ll ask Jaehyun to stay when he obviously cannot make him happy like he used to. It’s the fear of the possibility that somewhere along the way, the man that he loved decided that he needed someone else to give him what Taeyong can’t give anymore. Why would Jaehyun even stay with him? Jaehyun is the Jung’s golden child while he’s just...Lee Taeyong—someone full of insecurity and self-deprecating thoughts. Of course he’s lacking. He really can’t blame Jaehyun if he really is letting another person fill his shortcomings.

It’s the hailstorm of self-loathing and misery against himself and it’s eating him up.

He decided to wash his face first before fighting with his demons early in the morning. He’ll just ask him when he wakes up, which will still be a while because Jaehyun is a heavy sleeper. He slowly removed his boyfriend’s arm that was wrapped around him and stood up carefully, wincing at the pounding in his head. Overthinking partnered with hangover?  _ Good fucking morning, universe.  _ He noticed the aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table. He smiled softly at Jaehyun’s thoughtfulness.

He roamed his eyes and noticed that they were in Jaehyun’s condo unit. He washed his face and came back to the room to change his clothes when he noticed on his peripheral vision a phone’s screen light up. He looked closer and saw that it was Jaehyun’s phone. It indicated a notification of a text message— _ Park Chaeyoung. _

His eyes traveled from the phone to Jaehyun’s back who was still sleeping soundly. His heart raced in his chest as he took a silent but sharp, deep breath, trying to calm the thoughts that were starting to engulf him again all at once.

He knew he should trust Jaehyun. He knew he should put down the phone in his trembling hand and just get changed like how he initially planned. But the demons in his head were already egging him to input the password and open the damned phone. He typed in 591070, his birthday in reverse and the phone unlocked. He dragged down the notification pane to read the message there so as not to open it.

_ “Jae, thank you again for yesterday and for the past few days. I miss you already.” _

Taeyong’s grip on Jaehyun’s phone hardened and his heart dropped on his stomach. He felt like throwing up—both from the alcohol last night and from what he saw. He felt as if his heart shattered into tiny pieces then someone ran the shatterred pieces into a hydraulic press. What could be the other possible explanation for this if not cheating?

He felt his eyes welling up into tears. He needed to get away from the room as soon as possible. It suddenly became suffocating and he can’t breathe.

He immediately gathered his things. Just when he was about to leave the room, he casted a look at Jaehyun who was still sleeping. He let go of the tears, his head pounding in rhythm of his heart breaking.

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and in that, he ended their two-year relationship.

_ ”Jaehyun, let’s end this. Let’s break up.” _

With that, he went straight out of the door, crying his heart out as he stepped on the elevator, not minding the stares he got from other people. He stepped out of the building but stopped as he felt raindrops touched his skin, the rain pouring in sync with his tears.

It was raining when they first met and now it’s raining when he decided to end it.

He called his mom first as tears spilled in his eyes. “Hey mom, it’s me. I just want to say that I’m going to noona’s house in Jeju for a while.”

“What? Suddenly? What’s wrong, Taeyongie? Is everything okay?”

“Honestly, no. I need you not to tell anyone where I’ll be. Especially not Jaehyun, okay? Please, mom.”

“Okay, okay. What happened, Taeyong? You’re making me nervous.”

“I’ll tell you soon, mom, but not now. I need time to think. Please don’t push me. I need to hang up now. Bye, love you mom.”

“Taeyong, please be okay, my child. I love you, too.”

The call ended and he immediately called Ten.

“Hoe, what’s up?”

“Ten, I’ll be away for a while. I’m just giving you a heads up not to worry when you can’t contact me, okay? Please tell Sicheng and Doyoung, too.”

“What? Where are you going? Taeyong, are you okay?”

“I’ll just contact you when I settle there but please don’t tell Jaehyun. Promise me, Ten.”

“Taeyong, what’s wrong? Why can’t I tell him? Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”

“No, he didn’t hurt me. It’s nothing like that. I-I broke up with him.”

“What?! Why?!”

“I...I need to hang up now. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Wait, Taeyong—“

He ended the call before he broke down again. He didn’t want anyone to know that Jaehyun cheated on him. It will change the way they look at him and he didn’t want that, as absurd as it may sound. He should be mad but all he’s feeling right now is that he’s hurt, broken, and in disbelief. Jaehyun has become close to his friends, too and his mother treated him like his own son. They will be devastated if they ever find out that he cheated on him.

Taeyong’s felt his heart twitched harder. How could he cheat on him? How could he waste their relationship just like that? Since when? Was it a momentary lapse of judgment that eventually dragged on? What made him decide that Taeyong wasn’t enough anymore?

What is it that made Jaehyun finally break? Was he too clingy? Too attached? What is it that made him decide he’s not enough? Why is he still keeping him around? He really can’t blame him. Jaehyun deserves more. He knows that. He accepts that.

———————

It has been a month since he decided to vanish into thin air, away from his friends and especially from Jaehyun.

He’s been in his own personal hellhole, beating himself up for not being enough for the man that he loves and not being brave enough to ask the reason why. What did he lack that this Park Chaeyoung have? Who is she that made Jaehyun waste the beautiful relationship that they built together?

They were both madly in love with each other and suddenly, they weren’t. What made him decide that he’s not in love with him anymore? What made him throw their years together? What made him think that Taeyong wasn’t enough anymore?

Others might think that Taeyong left for his own sake. Save the little sanity left and leave the guy, right? The universal truth—he loves Jaehyun so much. He didn’t leave for his own sake. He left because all he ever wanted was to make Jaehyun happy. Ever since, Jaehyun’s happiness was his own happiness. If he cheated, then that just means that there’s something that he cannot give anymore. So he left. He wants him to be fully happy with someone that can give him all that he can’t give. He’s fine with that. As long as he’s genuinely happy, it’s fine.

He has been in hiding for a month because he knew that Jaehyun will find him and he was afraid that the other would apologize and he would forgive him and he can’t do that because he’s not enough for him. He’s not enough that’s why he needed Park Chaeyoung to fill his shortcomings. Or maybe he’s afraid to hear his reasons directly out of his mouth because it’ll hurt more. He doesn’t really know what he’s more afraid of but he was frightened to the core. All he knew was that he can’t face him or else he’ll crumble again.

_ “Don’t worry, I’m ending this.” _

_ “Jae, thank you again for yesterday and for the past few days. I miss you already.”_

_ The unfamiliar strawberry scent. _

_ The phone call. _

_ The missed anniversary, canceled plans. _

His melancholic staring into space was interrupted by a doorbell.

His heart almost dropped when he saw who it was. He felt his inside turned into a raging whirlpool upon seeing his face. He missed him and he almost ran to his arms but he stopped himself. Jaehyun lost a lot of weight. The bags under his eyes were evident. The expression on his face pained him like a punch straight to his gut.

“Jaehyun.”

“Taeyong. God, it’s really you.” Jaehyun ran to him, locking him in a tight embrace.

“Jaehyun, what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you, baby. Please, please talk to me.”

“Jaehyun, I broke up with you. And my not reaching out to you is just saying that I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Can you at least tell me why? Don’t I deserve to know? Taeyong, whatever is wrong, please, I’m willing to fix it. I’ll change. Whatever you want Taeyong. Just please, please don’t leave me.” Jaehyun’s voice broke in a sob and it pained him so much to hear it.

Jaehyun reached for his hand and brought it to his cheek. He felt the tears against the skin of his hand, aching him like a million needles piercing through his heart.

“No, Jaehyun. I made up my mind. Please leave.” He pulled his hand from the other’s grip.

“No, please. Why are you breaking up with me? What is it, Taeyong? Is it because of our anniversary? Yong, I’m so sorry, please I’ll make it up to you. My internship is done. I can focusnow. Taeyong, please.”

“Jaehyun, it’s not that.”

“Then what? Tell me, I’ll fix it, whatever it is baby. Just please don’t leave me. We love each other, Taeyong. What happened to that?”

Taeyong didn’t answer. His gaze remained on the ground as he cannot stand the pain in Jaehyun’s eyes and voice. Why is he here? He already gave him an easy way out. He gave him a free pass to be with Park Chaeyoung. What is he still doing here?

“Fine, Taeyong. If you’re really breaking up with me, then fine. But please tell me why. If you really want to end this, I’ll respect what you want. Just please, tell me why because I’m going crazy, Taeyong.”

He looked up. Jaehyun’s eyes stared back at him with sorrow and pain. He took a deep, painful breath. “Park Chaeyoung.”

The pained expression morphed into confusion upon the mention of the said name. “Park Chaeyoung? How do you know her? And, Taeyong, what does she has to do with us?”

“Everything that went down, Jaehyun. Isn’t it because of her? I saw the messages. I smelled the strawberry scent. Your bailing on me—wasn’t a lot of it because you were with her? You even lied when you answered her call in front of me. I saw the name Park Chaeyoung but when I asked, you said a Rosé called you. ‘Don’t worry, I’m ending this.’ ‘Thank you for yesterday and the other days. I miss you already. ’ I saw it all, Jaehyun.”

“Taeyong, are you telling me you broke up with me because of Chaeyoung?”

“I knew you were cheating on me, Jaehyun,” he answered.

“Chaeyoung is a family friend. Our parents jokingly told us when we were younger that they’ll have us married. It was just a silly talk—well, at least for my parents. When they found out that I’m dating you, they stopped pushing it. But that wasn’t the case for Chaeyoung’s parents. They were serious about it. She’s in a relationship with someone her parents don’t approve of and they’re pestering her to break up with him and make her move on me because they need to secure the financing of their company through us. That’s why she asked for my help to convince her parents. The message that you read about me ending it, that’s what it was about, Taeyong. And for the other text message, that’s what she was thanking me for. She said she missed me already because she already flew back to Paris where she uses the name Rosé instead of Chaeyoung. If you ask Johnny if he received an ‘I miss you already’ message, too, I bet he’ll say yes. Johnny is her cousin, by the way. We all hang out before she left. We were with Johnny, too, not just us. We are all childhood friends. About the strawberries, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe it’s from her, I don’t fucking know. If you asked me that moment you smelled it from me, then maybe I’ll know where I got it but you didn’t. You decided to leave me without talking to me at all.”

It was a mixture of pain, betrayal and sadness on Jaehyun’s eyes that are piercing daggers on his soul. His voice was like poison but instead of dulling his senses, it was slowly making everything clear.Everything made sense. “Jaehyun...”

“One fucking month, Taeyong. You disappeared without telling anyone where you are except your mother and she won’t tell me anything because she promised you. And now,” Jaehyun took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes to wipe the tears that can’t stop from falling. “Fuck, Taeyong, you thought I was cheating on you? Of all people, it’s you who thought that? You know what happened to my past, Taeyong. I thought you knew I wouldn’t do that to anyone, especially not you. Taeyong, I love you more than anything. But what do I get, Yong? A fucking note when I wake up. Do I mean that little to you? Does our relationship mean nothing to you that you ended it with a note? A note! Do you realize how unfair you are?”

“Jaehyun. Jaehyun, I’m so sorry. Please listen to me.”

“I guess you’re right. Maybe we should really end this.” He gave him a bitter smirk. “Oh right, it already ended.”

“Jaehyun, please let’s talk. Let me explain.”

“Okay, then. Talk.”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I-I made assumptions on my own. I t-thought you were cheating on me.”

“That’s the fucking thing, Taeyong. What did I even do for you to think that way? All I ever did was love you. You didn’t even try to hear my side first before you assumed things. Taeyong, I gave you the best version of myself but your first response was to think the worst thing I could do to you.”

Jaehyun’s words were like venom trying to poison himwith every word deadlier than the previous ones. The words were painful and he knew he deserved every single thing.

“I’m sorry, Jaehyunnie. I’m so sorry.” Taeyong’s tears rolled on his cheeks. He grabbed Jaehyun’s arm, hoping he understood how sorry he was.

Jaehyun removed Taeyong’s hand in his arm. “I’m sorry, too,” he said as he walked towards his car.

“Jaehyun, please.”

He looked back at him, red eyes emotionless and Taeyong felt the blood draining on his face. “Let’s end this, Taeyong.”

He went inside his car and drove away, leaving him alone just like he already was for the past month but far more broken and stunned.

He stood there, eyes following the back of his car as his tears landed on the solid ground. He felt raindrops touched his skin, the rain pouring in perfect harmony with his tears.

He lost him. Because of his personal assumptions and lack of trust, he lost the man that he loves. He was right, all along. Jaehyun would never cheat on him, would never even think about it.

The rain poured harder as if sympathizing with him. The raindrops fell on him like how Jaehyun’s words fell on his senses. He was hit with the realization of the other’s love for him but at the same time, the realization of what he lost slapped him harder.

A precipitation of unspoken things, a drizzle of doubt, a rain of piled-up thoughts, a shower of pent-up emotions, a storm of walking away and a flood of realization upon knowing the truth. This was the cycle of how he destroyed the tower that they’ve built together, how he let it crumble to ashes to be washed away somewhere only the stars will know. This is the cycle of how he lost him.

It was raining when they first met and now it’s raining when it really ended.


	12. The 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily inspired by Taylor Swift’s “The 1”.

  
Taeyong was waiting for Jaehyun in front of a coffee shop near his apartment. It was Saturday. They are going for a site visit on a possible wedding venue in Sokcho. It was a two-hour drive from the city and Jaehyun offered to drive and to be perfectly honest, he’s been dreading it for the whole week.

He’s actually so nervous to be alone with Jaehyun. Of course they’ve been alone together before in the conference room but they have something to talk about there. He’s not quite sure how awkward they’ll gonna be when they’re inside a confined moving vehicle alone together with nothing in particular to talk about. He pushed the air out of his mouth.

_ Frustrating.Nerve-racking. Agitating. _

He bought an iced caramel macchiato for him and an iced americano, three shots with breve for Jaehyun, remembering that this was how he preferred his coffee when they were dating before. He looked up at the sky and smiled. The weather was nice—the sun was behind the clouds so the weather wasn’t too hot. The weather was fine so that just means that the day will be fine. They will be fine.

_ Yeah, because the weather has something to do with what’s happening between the two of us.  _ He rolled his eyes on his stupidity.

A black Range Rover pulled up in front of him where Jaehyun emerged from the driver’s seat. He was wearing a black leather jacket over a black shirt and denim pants with matching black boots. Taeyong would’ve been fine if not for the sunglasses that made him look like someone straight from a fashion magazine or maybe an action movie that will make Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise run around to find new jobs.

_ So help me God. _

Jaehyun walked towards him with a bright smile while running his hands through his hair like he’s in a damn photoshoot. _Can he fucking relax?_ _ This is a sidewalk, not a runway! _ “Hi, did you wait long?”

He cleared his throat and managed a smile back. “Not really, it’s fine.”

Jaehyun eyed the coffee in his hands. “Oh I bought you coffee,” Taeyong said. “I remember you liked iced americano, three shots with breve? I don’t know if you still prefer your coffee this way, though.”

Jaehyun giggled, _like really giggled_ —as if a child being tickled playfully. It was... _ cute. _Taeyong looked at him quizzically as Jaehyun opened the door to the passenger’s side. There were two coffees and several pastries inside.

Taeyong can’t help but laugh too. 

“I bought you iced caramel macchiato. I know this is the only drink you order on coffee shops,” Jaehyun said. 

Taeyong laughed again. “That’s what I bought for myself too! Wow, we’re gonna be extra caffeinated today, aren’t we?”

They laughed as Jaehyun let him inside the passenger seat. 

The first few minutes of the ride were quiet but strangely enough, the silence was not awkward. Taeyong was weighing if he will open a topic or not because it’s gonna be a two-hour drive. 

_ Should I just pretend to sleep? _

_ Nah. That’s stupid. I’m drinking coffee. _

_ Should I ask him to play some music? _

_ But what if an awkward love song plays just like in the movies? _

If Taeyong was to be really honest, he had a lot to say. It’s like Pandora’s box—he’s dying to open it but at the same time, he’s afraid. He knew once he opened it up, it will all flow like a waterfall.

As the myth goes, when Pandora opened the box, horrible things flew out of it including sickness, death, greed, envy, pain and many other unspecified evils. All of life’s miseries had been let out into the world. The only thing left inside was hope. The story of Pandora’s box just shows that there are things best left untouched, for fear of what might come out of it.

Is he willing to open something he knows at this point is better left unsaid? Just like Pandora, the only thing left for him was hope. It’s the unwavering hope that everything will be forgiven. The hope that the pains of the past will finally be forgotten.

God, for someone who likes to see things organized and neat, his mind is all over the place.

Taeyong was thinking what to say when Jaehyun broke the ice. “I realized we haven’t talked properly since we saw each other again. It was all about work. How have you been, Yong?”

Jaehyun’s soft voice made him look at the younger whose eyes were fixed on the road. He studied his side profile. Jaehyun’s lashes, the bridge of his nose, the outline of his mouth, his smooth, porcelain skin.  _ Does it still feel the same_ _?_ He merely wondered because that’s all he could ever do now—to wonder.

“Why are you staring at me?”

Taeyong immediately shifted his eyes on the road. “Nothing. I’ve been well, Jaehyun. How about you?”

“I’m good. I must say, I’m really glad to see you become a wedding planner just like you wanted.”

“Yeah. I’m glad that I get to do what I love and earn a living from it. Seeing the couples on their respective wedding days makes me really happy, you know? Like I have a lot of clients that fought a lot while planning their weddings but when the actual wedding comes, all the fight has been forgotten and it’s all smiles and laughters and the look of love remain. It makes everything worth it.”

Jaehyun smiled and looked at him abruptly before focusing his eyes back on the road. “I’m really glad to hear that. I’m proud of you, Yongie.”

He felt a tug on his stomach upon the mention of the nickname. Until now, he’s the only one who calls him by that nickname. “Thank you, Jaehyun. How about you, Mr. Bigshot CEO? Any pressure on being responsible for a huge part of our economy?”

“Oh, don’t put it like that. We’re just a small player in the field.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows playfully. “Since when did you become so humble?”

Jaehyun laughed. “Well, in case you didn’t notice, a lot has changed.”

_ Yeah, I noticed that. _

“My dad is retiring,” he continued. “He passed the torch early because he wanted to travel with my mom and actually see the sceneries of this world, not just the four corners of hotel rooms he stayed at.”

“Your dad must really trust you a lot for letting you run your family’s business at such a young age.”

“Oh, don’t be fooled. He just gave me the title. The company has a lot of business advisers, really,” he laughed and God, it sounded so beautiful and nostalgic. Why was a simple laugh stirring up emotions that were supposed to be buried by now?

He tried to clear his head of the thoughts. “You said Yuta had been visiting you a lot? How is he?”

“Yeah, he visits me a lot when he doesn’t have schedules of training. He’s doing well. You haven’t talked to him? How long?”

“Yeah, we haven’t spoke to him ever since he and Sicheng broke up. So two years, I guess?”

Jaehyun nodded his head. “I still don’t know why they broke up. Yuta is a very talkative guy but he doesn’t really open up on that one.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s the case with Sicheng, too. Except the talkative part. He’s not really loquacious, that’s Ten and Jungwoo for us. Well, I heard from the news that Yuta’s dating someone now. Still can’t believe he managed to pursue his soccer career. I’m happy for him.”

“Soccer has been his passion ever since I’ve known him. That Business Management major was a scam,” he chuckled. “But don’t believe the news. He’s very much single. Maybe they can ignite long-lost flames when they see each other on the wedding.”

“Oh, I think that’s unlikely. Sicheng is dating someone now. You’ll meet him soon.”

“Really? Well, I’m happy for him.”

The ride became quiet again and he can’t pretend to sleep because he’s on his second cup of coffee and currently munching on the pecan brownies.

What more can they talk about? Should he open up about the fiancée?

_ No, no. Let’s not go there, Taeyong. Don’t address the elephant in the room. Let the elephant sleep or whatever. _

Why does he even feel the need to find something to talk about? Comfortable silence was supposed to be comfortable. Why was he racking his brain to think of something just for him to hear Jaehyun talk?

“Can I have some of those pecan bars?” Jaehyun asked suddenly. 

“Huh? Oh, sure.” He was about to hand him a piece when Jaehyun opened his mouth, as if waiting for him to feed him.

And without even giving it much thought, his hands automatically stretched their way to his mouth like a reflex, like a habit that was supposed to be forgotten. “Thank you,” he said as his dimples were showing while munching on the pecan bars.

He just nodded in response, burying the feeling of butterflies fluttering on his stomach. _Freaking butterflies. They’re not supposed to be here_.

He shook his head. _ This is gonna be a long day. _

———————————

Jaehyun parked the car in front of a cabin-like building. A man who looked like he’s on his 60s approached them.

“Good afternoon! I hope your drive here went well,” he said, a warm smile on his face.

“Yes, sir. We love the scenery. I’m Lee Taeyong, by the way.” He offered his hand which the man shook. “And this is Jung Jaehyun. We’re here to see the place. I spoke with Mr. Sung Dong Il on the phone?”

“That would be me. You called me about a wedding, right? So you two are getting married? Congratulations! It’s nice to see young people in love.” He was smiling from ear to ear.

Jaehyun was chuckling beside him while Taeyong’s face heated up. “Oh, no no. We’re not getting married. He is but I’m not. I’m the wedding planner.”

Mr. Sung frowned. “Oh, my bad. It’s just that you two look good together. I thought you were lovers. That’s a shame.”

Taeyong gave him an awkward smile. “Um, Mr. Sung, let’s talk about the property. Can we look around the area?”

“Sure. This private property is very wide. If you walk five hundred meters from here, you’ll see the river which is very calming, you can hear the chirping of the birds. Plenty of tress too. I’ll let you both roam around.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun decided to walk to survey the place properly. The place looked so beautiful and captivating. There are lots of different kinds of trees, they can hear the chirps of the birds clearly and they can hear the flowing of the river nearby.

Taeyong sighed peacefully in the beauty of nature around him. This is why he was really inspired on the outdoorsy forest-style wedding. It gives him an immense sense of peace and contentment. Being one with nature was really enchanting for him.

They reached the river that Mr. Sung talked about. It looked so clear that he can see all the way from the bottom. The grasses are cut on the area with plenty of trees surrounding it. There were two tall trees which looked bent so it gave the illusion of an arch. Taeyong can already envision how the wedding decorations would look like.

“This is really beautiful,” Jaehyun muttered beside him. “The river looks and sounds so peaceful. It would be really nice to get married here.”

He looked at the younger that was staring in awe at the place. The scenery was beautiful but Jaehyun’s expression made him standout more. Taeyong smiled at him sadly. He didn’t know why he felt sad all of a sudden.

_“Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be”_

Jaehyun suddenly sang as he stared at the river, smile drowning his eyes in a set of crescent moons. Taeyong looked at him and smiled, too. He has always been a huge fan of Jaehyun’s voice—soft, calm, like the river that was laid before their eyes.

“Sorry,” Jaehyun said. “The song just seems so fitting, doesn’t it?”

“Huh? Oh, yes.”

“Do you remember when we had our first date? I don’t know if you noticed but that song was playing in the background.”

He did notice, of course. He remembers every single detail of that date. But more importantly, why was he bringing that up?

“Y-yeah. I noticed. Um, well? What do you think of the place?” He asked, trying to sway the subject.

”I love it. It’s beautiful. How about you? What do you think?” He asked, soft gaze piercing him.

”I love it, too. It’s going to be a beautiful wedding, Jaehyun. I mean look at the place, it would look even more beautiful when we decorate it with patterns of falling flowers.”

“Right. We can even put a makeshift boat and put it at the edge of the river, you know, just like the boat in Tangled when they were singing I See The Light and stuff.” Jaehyun’s excitement was so contagious, he noticed himself smiling, too.

“Yes, we can also add fallen logs as seats for the guest just like in Edward and Bella’s wedding,” Taeyong added.

Jaehyun’s eyes gleamed. “Oooh that would be nice. And we can put lanterns on the trees so they will illuminate in the river just like in the movie.”

Taeyong was just staring at Jaehyun’s face who was so fascinated with the never-ending ideas. It reminded him of the time when they talked about their own wedding in the Jung property overlooking the city because this was exactly how it went...except that it wasn’t. Because when they talked about their wedding before, they had each other on mind as each other’s groom. Now, Jaehyun is still getting married but Taeyong was already out of the picture. 

Taeyong felt a tear rolling on his cheek. He immediately wiped it before Jaehyun could see but it was too late.

“Taeyong, why are you crying? Are you okay?” Jaehyun looked at him worriedly.

Taeyong smiled at him. “Yes, I’m fine. Don’t mind me.”

“Is this because of the theme of the wedding? Because it is what you wanted?”

“No, it’s not that. Don’t think about it. I’m fine.”

“It’s not fine, Yong. I’m sorry about this whole theme. I’m dropping it. We’re gonna stick with the traditional one. Please don’t cry. Please, I don’t like seeing you cry.”

“No, Jaehyun. Take it. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“No, Taeyong. I will—“

“Take it Jaehyun. Even if I were to get married, I wouldn’t even be able to use it.” 

They both fell silent. They can only hear the peaceful flowing of the river that they were both staring at. Ironic. He felt the peace of the river but his feelings were anything but peaceful.

“Why?” Jaehyun broke the silence, eyes still fixed at the river.

“Because...I planned the wedding based on this theme with you.” Jaehyun stared at him but he continued. “You were there. We planned it together. Every little detail we planned, I only had you on my mind. From what the venue would look like to the theme, the flowers, even to that stupid blonde carpet. How can I ever use it without thinking about you and all the things I did that ended up with me not having you on the other side of the aisle?”

He took a deep breath and met his eyes. “I will just be reminded of everything that went wrong, Jaehyun.”

“It wasn’t entirely your fault, Yong.”

Taeyong laughed, a laugh that was full of bitterness and self-loathing. “Oh, but it was, Jaehyun. We both know it’s all my fault. Everything was my fault. If only I trusted you more, right? If only I talked to you instead of assuming things, we wouldn’t end up that way.”

“Then why did you do it? Why did you left me with just a note? Did I really mean that little to you? I searched for you, I was willing to crack the whole world open just to find you. I was a mess, Taeyong, that my father had to literally drag me to a plane just to get me out of here. Then you said the reason you broke up with me was because you thought I was cheating on you. How can you even think that when you know I was cheated on before? I was more hurt when I found out. I was more hurt that you think I’m capable of doing that. I never knew I needed to beg you to trust me because I thought that our trust was already a given. I was madly in love with you, Taeyong. My world revolved around you. I made plans for my future with you on my mind. Everything I do, it had always something to do with you. Is your love for me really that shallow? Easily breakable?”

Taeyong’s mouth remained shut but the tears kept on rolling on his cheeks. It was heartbreaking to hear directly from Jaehyun how much he hurt him, how much pain he inflicted on him.

Jaehyun continued. “The pain I felt when you left and knowing the reason why, it’s more destructive than any pain I’ve ever felt before. When I was cheated on, I questioned myself what I didn’t do. When I found out your reason, I questioned myself what I did to make you feel that way. Did you even give me the benefit of the doubt?” There was no anger in his eyes, it was pure sadness.

“ Jaehyun, I hope you know how sorry I am. I know this sounds as an excuse but I... I have been battling it for months when I finally gave up. I never believed you would do it, I know you’re not that kind of person but I... I’m really sorry. I left because I was in love with you, Jaehyun. Because I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving. I always believed that people cheat because they can never find the happiness they’re looking for with the person they’re currently with. I really thought I was doing the right thing for your happiness. I never meant to downplay your love for me. I left you with just a note because I wasn’t confident that I can let you go, that I wouldn’t beg for you to choose me even if I know that you’re not happy anymore. It was all on me, Jaehyun. I know that.”

Jaehyun sighed. “It’s not entirely your fault. I was absent. I did suspicious things that made you feel the way you did.”

“It’s not an excuse for me not to trust you. It wasn’t an excuse for me to think of the worst from you. You deserve better.”

Taeyong couldn’t stop crying. He was suddenly back at his dark room, gasping for air, regretting everything that he did—doubting Jaehyun, not trusting Jaehyun, leaving Jaehyun. Suddenly he’s back in a hospital room because his friends found him collapsed on the floor, dehydrated from crying too much. Suddenly, he’s back in his own personal hell, letting the love of his life go and not having the strength to stop him.

Jaehyun embraced him. “Stop crying, Taeyong. I was never mad at you. I was hurt but not mad. I can never get mad at you. You hurt me andI’ve forgiven you a long time ago and I hope you’ve forgiven me for hurting you, too. Sshh, stop crying.” He felt Jaehyun’s embrace tighten. “It’s time for you to forgive yourself too, Yongie.”

A proper closure. He finally had it after years of having his heart hurt so much that he wanted to rip it from his chest. He finally had it after years of falling apart and silently dealing with the waves of sadness and pretending to be fine that he, himself, believed it. Forgiving himself for hurting and walking away from the man he loved the most? For the first time in years, he felt like doing it.

———————————

They head to the car to go back to the city. Jaehyun decided to stick with the planned wedding theme and chose the place as the venue.

The ride was quiet spared from the whirring of the car. He was trying his best to focus on the passing scenery outside the window when Jaehyun’s phone rang. It was connected to the car’s dashboard monitor so he saw who was calling.

_ Thalia. _

_ Oh. _

“Uh, do you mind if I take this on loudspeaker since I’m driving?” Jaehyun asked reluctantly.

“No, not at all.” He went back on pretending to focus on the passing scenery at the window, eyes seeing nothing but darkness.

A woman’s voice echoed inside the car. “Jaehyunie! Have you seen the place already?”

“Hey, Thal. Yes, I’ve seen the place. It’s very beautiful, you’re gonna love it.”

“Oooh, I can’t wait! Send me pictures, okay?”

“Will do. I’ll send it to you later.”

“Oh by the way, I’m calling to let you know that I’m bringing Jennie when I go back there. Will it be okay?”

“Of course. I miss Jennie, too. Tell her I said ‘hi’.”

Thalia laughed. “Okay, will do. I’m gonna hang up now. See you soon, sweetie. Take care and don’t forget to eat on time, okay?”

Jaehyun chuckled. “I will. You, too. I’ll see you soon.”

The call ended, followed by a deafening silence that dragged on for a few minutes before he spoke.

“Was that Thalia? Your fiancée?” He asked, eyes still fixed on the window.

“O-oh? Uh, yes.” Jaehyun stuttered.

Taeyong just nodded, unable to will himself to probe on. Something inside him was telling him not to ask further questions about the woman. First, he’s not really in any position to pry. He’s just the wedding planner ex-boyfriend who broke his heart and Thalia’s probably the woman who helped Jaehyun picked his broken pieces together. Second, something tells him that he wouldn’t want to know more, he’ll just set himself up to things that he better leave in the dark. _Pandora’s box. Right._

Thus, they were both silent throughout the car ride. It was deafening, uncomfortable, and somehow unbearable knowing that something was looming inside of him that he partially vented out. It wasn’t the comfortable silence he was used to. He can’t even count the amount of times his adam’s apple bobbed up and down his throat because of nervousness.

“Jaehyun, can I turn on your stereo?” Taeyong asked, just to have something to drown out the unexplainable atmosphere surrounding them.

“Uh, sure,” he said as he turned on the speakers.

They continued to traverse the road back to the city with Jaehyun focusing on the road and Taeyong staring outside the window of the passenger’s seat. Various songs shuffled in the background. No one tried to break the silence nor the excruciating tension around them.

A familiar tune started playing and oh how he wished he just sulked in the silence.

_I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit_

_ Been saying "yes" instead of "no" _

_ I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn’t though _

_ I hit the ground running each night _

_ I hit the Sunday matinée _

_ You know the greatest films of all time were never made _

Taeyong took a deep breath as he basked on the familiarity of the song, eyes trying to continue focusing on the dark scenes outside the window.

_I guess you never know, never know_

_And if you wanted me, you really should've showed_

_And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow_

_And it's alright now_

It’s been years. He’s supposed to be fully healed by now. He should’ve let go by now. Everything’s supposed to be alright now. He has been bleeding silently for years and he thought he’s perfectly fine but the river was a witness to the apparent fact that he’s not. But that’s what people do, they bleed and they grow. And now he got closure. After five years, he finally got the closure that he never knew he needed and well,  it’s alright now, he hoped. The only thing left in his box—hope.

_But we were something, don't you think so?_

_Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool_

A corner of his lips turned up into a sad smile. Indeed, they were something. Something great on their own, something worth having, something others are searching their whole lives to have. Unfortunately for them, they ended up as something good wasted, something drowned in a pool of a million what-ifs, something beautiful written on sand just for the waves to wash them off the shore. 

_And if my wishes came true_

_It would've been you_

_In my defense, I have none_

_For never leaving well enough alone_

_But it would've been fun_

_If you would've been the one_

He resisted the urge to steal a glance at the man driving, hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes focused on the road. Years ago, Jaehyun had mastered the art of having his one hand on the steering wheel and the other laced on his fingers. Abrupt kisses on red lights became their thing. Every moment was magical. The car rides were never this dull. The silence was never this suffocating. 

_I have this dream you're doing cool shit_

_Having adventures on your own_

_You meet some woman on the internet and take her home_

Because that’s what happens. You forget the pain and meet new people, fall in love with them and marry them and live the rest of your lives together. He knew that was what Jaehyun did and he’s about to do the last one. What he didn’t know was how he got in the position of planning the “marrying part” of Jaehyun’s life plans. A sad, despicable plot twist he got there.

_We never painted by the numbers, baby_

_But we were making it count_

_You know the greatest loves of all time are over now_

His Literature teacher once said that the dubbed greatest love stories of all time are always those along the lines of tragedy. Romeo and Juliet, Catherine and Heathcliff, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal, Jack and Rose. As for him, the greatest love he knew was Jaehyun’s love for him. Sadly, he let his insecurities blind him and their relationship took the hit. As his literature teacher said, great loves? Tragic.

_I guess you never know, never know_

_And it's another day waking up alone_

After years of being used to Jaehyun’s presence—having his scent the first thing to tickle his sense of smell in the morning, his beautiful face the first thing he lands his eyes on, his velvety voice the first thing he hears even before the alarms, and his soft lips the first thing to wake him up on his slumber—it was a gaping blackhole for Taeyong to shift on the routine of waking up alone when he left him. To wake up in a cold bed knowing that when he stretch his arms, the cold will continue to creep on his bones and the pillows will only be the things he will see when he opens his eyes.

_But we were something, don't you think so?_

_Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool_

_And if my wishes came true_

_It would've been you_

_In my defense, I have none_

_For never leaving well enough alone_

_But it would've been fun_

_If you would've been the one_

Taeyong has always thought that Jaehyun was the one for him. Others might say that maybe they were still young for him to say that but everyone should know better than to underestimate the power of young love. He never felt to anyone the way he felt when he was with Jaehyun and until now, no one still comes close to the feeling he felt when he was with him. No one. It’s not that he didn’t try because he did. God knows he did. It’s not because he put him in a pedestal so high, no one dared to reach it. It’s just that, he really doesn’t feel even just the half of it—the rush, the high, the intensity and despite of it all, the calmness.  


It would’ve been easy if Jaehyun has been the one but he wasn’t because Jaehyun is marrying his own “the one” and he’s helping him plan it.

_I persist and resist the temptation to ask you_

_If one thing had been different_

_Would everything be different today?_

If he opened his mouth and asked Jaehyun before deciding on his own, how different would everything be? Would he be planning their wedding together? Or would another thing happen making them inevitably part? Would they be happy together? Or would they fight their way out of the relationship?

_We were something, don't you think so?_

_Rosé flowing with your chosen family_

Ahh, Rosé.  He can’t help but sigh lightly.  _Hope she’s doing well._

_And it would've been sweet_

_If it could've been me_

What if he swallowed his shame and chased after him instead of beating himself up? He knew deep inside that Jaehyun would have forgiven him. It was the feeling of shame and guilt that made him stop reaching out to him back then. He knew what Jaehyun went through and he accused him of being the thing that he despised the most. What if he just talked to him the first time he saw the message and have Jaehyun tell him about the sole reason of the text message upfront? What would have happened? Would they still be together?

Of all the what ifs, he found himself comforted by what is. The comfort over the fact that at least one of them gets to fulfill their what ifs even if to another person. At least one of them is happy.

Accidentally meeting someone on a rainy day and crossing paths with them again on an absurd circumstance but still making the magic of falling in love happen and eventually getting married and living the rest of your lives together? That would’ve been sweet. That would’ve been him and Jaehyun.

_In my defense, I have none_

_For digging up the grave another time_

He felt Jaehyun’s eyes shift to him and he tried so hard not to meet them. He can’t bear to look directly into his eyes. He knew it would feel like staring directly into the sun despite the darkness of the night surrounding them.

He didn’t even notice that they are in front of his apartment already. “I’lljust update you on the progress of the wedding planning. Drive safely, okay?”

“Taeyong,” he called which made him stop as his grip tightened on the seatbelt.

“Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun took a sharp breath and said, “Nothing. Good night.”

Taeyong was reaching out for the lock when Jaehyun stopped him, his hand circling around his wrist.

“Taeyong.”

“Jaehyun, what is it?”

He looked at him, questioning eyes sending him in a frenzy of emotions that he shouldn’t be feeling. “Did you ever regret it?”

Taeyong didn’t have to ask what he’s pertaining to. He just know because he ask himself the same question every waking moment. Did he ever regret letting their relationship go just like that?

_But it would've been fun_

_If you would've been the one_

“Every single day,” he answered, offering him a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He touched his hand that was in his wrist and gently removed it. “Good night, Jae.”

Taeyong watched the back of Jaehyun’s car go and disappear in the road. He went inside his apartment but was surprised when he saw his friends inside looking worriedly at him.

“What are you guys doing here?”

It was Ten who answered. “Jaehyun texted me. He just said that you might want to have someone to talk to tonight? Did something happen?”

Taeyong’s lips quivered as the tears that he was holding back while he was in the car all fell.

Sicheng hugged him. “Hyung, why are you crying? Hey, it’s alright. Tell us what happened.” 

“I think I’m still in love with him. And everything just breaks my heart. Everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @airypeaches


	13. What They Didn’t Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drabbles and drabbles. (I did say this is angst, right?)

  
_**Doyoung’s POV** _

  
“I think I’m still in love with him. And everything just breaks my heart. Everything.”

Taeyong was crying his heart out on Sicheng’s arms and God, it was breaking Doyoung’s heart too.

They have all witnessed how Taeyong fell apart for so many times before when Jaehyun left. The countless tears, the immeasurable sobs, the evident pain. They all shed silent tears for the heartbreak that their friend has gone through.

What Jaehyun didn’t know is how the first time it happened. They found Taeyong passed out on the cold floor of his apartment, dehydrated from crying too much because of what happened that he forgot to eat and drink. He was so nervous back then that he, himself felt like he was about to pass out from nervousness, too while they were bringing him to the hospital. Who wouldn’t when you see your best friend like that?

Second time happened on that same hospital that he was confined in. It became an involuntary action for Taeyong and it broke Doyoung’s heart every time. He cried every hour. Until it became every night. Every week. Until he cries whenever something just reminded him of Jaehyun. 

The pain used to be constant for Taeyong because every little thing reminded him of Jaehyun. Even just the mere sight of the stars or the faint scent of flowers reminded him of the other. He learned to stop crying but the pain remained constant. It’s been like that since Jaehyun left.

They told him to drink some alcohol to numb the pain, at least have him forget the pain even just for a little bit, for a little while. But Taeyong doesn’t drink whenever he cries. He said that he wanted to feel the pain because he deserved it. He said that he brought it upon himself. 

Doyoung never argued with it, not because he was a bad friend but because he understood where Taeyong was coming from. If he was in Taeyong’s shoes, he will also blame himself and no words can console him and make him think in a different way. Deep inside, they all know that only Jaehyun can make Taeyong think otherwise.

Taeyong got better. He didn’t cry as much as he did before. He didn’t even cry this hard for years now. The constant pain he used to feel becomes in waves. There’s a swift tranquility, and then another wave hits him. It has been five years since Taeyong and Jaehyun broke up. They all thought that Taeyong was out of his personal hellhole.

But here he was again, the same sight that Doyoung hasn’t seen for years. In front of him was the sight that he wished he would never see again.

Taeyong was telling them about their site visit to the venue of Jaehyun’s wedding and how he poured his heart out to Jaehyun about this whole wedding thing. How Jaehyun should just take the idea that they both conceived together and use itbecause he will never be able to use that theme. How Jaehyun’s fiancée called and he heard the whole thing.

Taeyong being Jaehyun’s wedding planner is just plain cruel.

See, knowing that Jaehyun is back, he’s sure that Taeyong can handle it. Knowing that Jaehyun is about to get married, Taeyong will be sad for a moment but knowing him, he’ll be happy for Jaehyun because that’s the kind of person Taeyong is. That’s why he let go of Jaehyun when he thought he was cheating on him. He thought that he doesn’t make Jaehyun happy so he let him have that happiness without him. For someone who doesn’t know them personally, it would seem that Taeyong didn’t trust Jaehyun enough but the thing is, he loved him the best way he knew how. He loved him just as much as Jaehyun loved him. But letting Taeyong plan every single detail of the wedding of the man he never stopped loving for years is just plain ruthless.

Then again, who can be blamed? Destiny? Fate? Their boss? They can never really blame Jaehyun because he doesn’t know that Taeyong is still very much in love with him. Taeyong didn’t even admit it to anyone, even to himself, until now.

“Taeyong, drop that wedding. Don’t do this. Stop hurting yourself,” Ten said. They can’t stand seeing their friend in this state. Taeyong is all sunshine and unicorn rainbows. He’s the eldest on their group of friends but he’s the most emotional. He’s the kind of person that wears his heart out on his sleeves. He’s very transparent, even if most of the time, he doesn’t admit it. He feels emotions in extreme intensities—like the high of being in love and the downfall of being in pain. When he’s happy, everyone can see it in the twinkling of his eyes and hear it from his childish giggles. When he’s sad, it is evident on the tears from his eyes and the pout on his mouth.

“Yes, Tae. I’m sure our boss will understand,” Doyoung added.

“I can’t. I won’t,” Taeyong said through broken sobs and eyes filled with tears.

Sicheng sighed. “Why Tae? Why do you want to keep hurting yourself?”

“Because...because this is how I think I can repay him for what I’ve done. And I know this is nothing compared to what I put him through but I still want to do it for him. He deserves to have the best wedding.”

Jungwoo held Taeyong’s hand. “Hyung, it’s not nothing. You’re hurting yourself by doing this. And you’ve been blaming yourself for years. Jaehyun’s right, it’s time to forgive yourself now.”

“Yes, Taeyong. Forgive yourself. Jaehyun did. He’s about to get married so I guess he’s happy now,” Sicheng said.

“I want to. I will. So let me do this one last thing first before I let everything go completely.”

What Jaehyun didn’t know is that Taeyong never really let go of the day he left him. Time has passed but his heart kept replaying on that day, even when he doesn’t say it out loud, hiding it through small smiles and topics being changed abruptly whenever the other’s name was mentioned. 

It screams through the gaze lingering on Chet Baker vinyls that used to be Jaehyun’s thing. It wails on every jazz music being played on turntables as the sound ricochets to his ears, reminding him of their slow dances under artificial lights with those songs. It squeals on the lavender scent he can’t let go on his skin and the soft plushies given by Jaehyun that he hugs at night. It shouts on the wallpaper he can’t change and the phone number embedded on his fingertips that he absentmindedly type when he’s afraid or nervous even if he knows it won’t ring. It grumbles on the Tangled and Twilight movies he refuses to watch and the long stares on a particular street where Jaehyun used to live. It cries to the rain that he let soak on his skin as it pours, staring absentmindedly, stretching his hand to feel the raindrops creep to his pores.

Taeyong felt Jaehyun’s absence on every little thing present near him. Now he feels his presence on all the distant memories which are nowhere near to be felt, heard nor seen.

Jaehyun took something from Taeyong when he left—that is, the light in his eyes. He took it because Taeyong doesn’t have that anymore. His eyes used to sparkle upon seeing the things he love. He still feel ecstatic whenever something he likes to have and loves to do goes his way but the light in his eyes are gone. Maybe because the thing—person—he loves most has already left. He already felt the feeling in extreme and everything is just mere settling.

Doyoung was never scared of loving someone before, he was just waiting for the love that will make him feel things that made him smile secretly whenever he sees Jaehyun and Taeyong together. He will never admit it out loud but he admired his friends’ relationships to their respective boyfriends but there’s something about Jaehyun and Taeyong that made him want what they have. Ten and Johnny’s relationship is loud and chaotic. Sicheng and Yuta’s was quiet and lowkey. Taeyong and Jaehyun’s though was a combination of the two. It’s not loud like you would want to tell them to get a room nor quiet that you wouldn’t know they’re in a relationship if you didn’t ask. But it’s just enough to show they are in love—something about the way their gaze follow each other even if unintentionally. Doyoung will never admit it to his friends but he wanted something like that for himself, too—to be loved and to be in love in a way that others would wish to have, too.

But then they broke up and suddenly he’s scared again. How do people make so much memories with one person, love them immensely and just...stop? How can you make the best and at the same time, the worst memories with the same person? How can you give someone your best and have it reciprocated by thinking of the worst?

He was a witness of how their love blossomed into something beautiful and worth having and he was also a witness of how it crumbled just as easily as it started. It’s terrifying. Pains and tears? Heartbreaks? It makes him think that if these are the costs of love, is it really worth having?

What Jaehyun didn’t know is that Taeyong was waiting for him to come back. The day they broke up in Jeju was the day Jaehyun left for New York. Taeyong let him go. He thought it was for the best because he blamed himself for Jaehyun’s pain.

_“Jaehyun is right. You know, I feel like the worst human being on this planet. He loved me with his whole being and I knew that. Remember when he was rude to other people but when we started dating, he became decent to others? I had him at his best but the first thing I thought about when I saw those text messages was that he was cheating on me. How fucked up is that? I’m the worst.”_

Taeyong never stopped blaming himself. He didn’t chase after him because he thought that Jaehyun deserved better than someone who will think the worst thing when something doesn’t go right. He let himself believe that for months but he cracked. After a year since he left, he followed Jaehyun in New York. He said he wanted to take his chances and make everything right with him. He was just in New York for a day because he went home immediately which surprised them all.

_“I saw him,” Taeyong said with a small smile on his face. The smile didn’t reach his eyes that’s why he knew something went wrong._

_“What happened?” He asked._

_“I think...I think he’s...he’s already happy.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“I saw him with someone, a girl. He looked so happy. He was laughing, cute dimples and all that. He’s happy.” A sad smile was written all over his face._

_ “Oh, Taeyong.” He held Taeyong’s hand, feeling the sadness that his friend was going through. _

_ “He looked so happy, Doyoung. I can’t help but feel happy when I saw him smiling with someone.”  _

_ “Did you approach him?” _

_Taeyong shook his head. “No. I didn’t. I can’t. He was with someone, a new lover perhaps? I don’t know.” _

_ Doyoung sighed. “Taeyong, what if you’re just assuming again? What if that was just another friend?” _

_ “It’s not that. You didn’t see his face when we broke up, when he realized the reason why I hid myself. You know what haunts me? It’s the fact that at that moment, it wasn’t anger that was on his face. It was disbelief, sadness, pain but not anger. Never anger. He was so sad, he looked so pained. It terrified me, Doyoung, that I was the reason for that look on his face. And then I saw him in New York, smiling. I saw his dimples again. You know how much I love seeing those. I was so happy when I saw it that I cannot move my feet.” He paused, as if remembering the scene in his head._

_“That’s why you didn’t approach him,” Doyoung nodded in understanding._

_Taeyong’s gaze fell to the ground. “Yes. If I approach him, that smile will fade. I broke his heart. For stupid reasons, I broke his heart. I can’t come to his life again and ruin it. He deserves better than that.” _

_ “What about what you deserve? Don’t you deserve to be happy, too?” _

_ “I’m happy as long as he is. He makes me happy, even until now that we’re not together anymore, he still makes me happy.” There was a sad yet genuine smile on his face. “If this is how I can have a part on making him happy, then this is what I’ll do. Sometimes, the best thing that we can do for the people we love is to let them go. Let the wounds heal with time.” _

What Jaehyun didn’t know is that Taeyong still calls for his name when he’s scared. Everyone knows that Taeyong has a weak heart for ghosts and horror stories. One time when they were watching a horror movie about a haunted doll, he heard Taeyong squealed “Jaehyun” in a hushed voice, he almost thought he imagined it. Sicheng met his eyes and they look at each other with a mutual understanding. They heard right, Taeyong just called Jaehyun’s name while a woman was being attacked and possessed by a bride in the movie. They didn’t bring it up to him. They felt like it was something he didn’t want to talk about.

What Taeyong didn’t know was how miserable Jaehyun was when he suddenly vanished without telling anyone. His heart hurt for Jaehyun because the man was seriously distraught. All of them were distraught, not knowing where he is, why he did what he did. But of course, Jaehyun took the big blow, knowing that Taeyong left because of him and for reasons not a single one of them knew.

_ “Ten, Doyoung, Sicheng, please, I’m begging you, if you know where he is, please tell me. Please.” _

_ “Jaehyun, I’m sorry but we have no idea where he is. He called me telling me not to worry. He said he broke up with you. What the hell happened?” Ten asked._

_“He left me,” he said as his voice broke in a sob. His eyes were so red, it was painful to see. “He did. I don’t have any single idea why. He left this.” He showed them a piece of paper with Taeyong’s handwriting saying ‘Jaehyun, let’s end this. Let’s break up.’_

Doyoung cannot believe what was happening. Jaehyun and Taeyong breaking up? What was the reason that Taeyong needed to hide somewhere else?

Jaehyun always went to Taeyong’s apartment, waiting for him to come back. Taeyong’s mother told him to stop, said that Taeyong will talk if he’s ready. Jaehyun respected Taeyong’s mother and treated her like his own but he didn’t listen. He continued going there every day. It was heartbreaking to watch him crumble down but they can’t do anything even if they wanted to.

In the end, Taeyong’s mother took pity of them both, knowing that his own son was going through the same ordeal. She gave Jaehyun the address where Taeyong was staying which was his sister’s place in Jeju. They didn’t think about that because they thought his sister was in Busan. When Jaehyun came back to the city alone, they just heard that he boarded a plane going to New York just as Taeyong arrived in the city, and decided to stay there without telling anyone when he will be back.

What Taeyong didn’t know was that Jaehyun asked Johnny about him when he went to New York.  


_ “Jaehyun said that he thinks he saw Taeyong in New York,” Johnny told them when they were all in Sicheng’s apartment. Taeyong was not around because he had a scheduled interview for a wedding coordinating company that day. _

_ “What did you say?” Ten asked. _

_ “I haven’t said anything yet. Should I tell him that Taeyong really went to New York for him?” _

_ “I don’t think Taeyong wants him to find out. He didn’t approach Jaehyun when he saw him there. He has his reasons,” Doyoung answered. _

_ “You’re right. I don’t think he wants Jaehyun to know,” Yuta agreed. _

_ “I still can’t believe they broke up. Jaehyun always ask about him, you know. He thinks he’s doing it subtly but I know him.” Johnny shook his head.  _

_“Really can’t blame them for asking about each other. They were so in love. I’m not surprised that they can’t let go that easily.”_   
  


“This wedding is a bad idea, Taeyong.” Ten crossed his arms in front of him.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me,” Taeyong answered.

Sicheng sighed. “Taeyong, Ten is right. You’re just setting yourself for more heartbreaks.”

Taeyong looked at them with glassy eyes, reflected with his own tears. “I want to see him happy. That’s all I want.”

“At the expense of your own pain? What about your own happiness?”

“I’m happy as long as he is.”

He held Taeyong’s shoulders and willed him to look at his eyes. “Are you sure about this?”

“I know you’re all just looking out for me but I’ll be fine. I just want to help him prepare for the happiest day of his life.”

_Isn’t it a little twisted how a wedding has the happiest and saddest people in it? How it is filled with tears and laughters? Beginnings for some and ending for others? How ironic._

He sighed. He knew that there’s no point in stopping someone who already made up his mind. Their other friends looked resigned, too. As much as Taeyong is all sunshine and rainbows and being the most emotional among them, he is also the most stubborn.

“You know, I’ve always thought I’ve seen him on his happiest,” Sicheng muttered suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

Sicheng turned to face Taeyong and smiled softly. “When he was with you. The man was always all smiles when you were together. He always had the loudest laugh even if you just said the lamest joke ever. That’s a man happily in love.”

Taeyong smiled bitterly, eyes looking down dejectedly. “That’s the man I’ve lost.”

The group fell silent because well, it was sad. If being an outsider to their relationship already feels this unhappy, he can’t imagine how Taeyong’s sorrow must be breaking his own heart into tiny pieces.

“Can I make a confession?” Jungwoo asked amidst the silence.

“What?”

“I honestly thought he was faking it—the wedding, I mean. The bride’s name with the same initials as yours? The wedding theme? The details? I thought he was faking it to get your attention.”

Taeyong hit him lightly. “Jungwoo, that is—Jungwoo, shut up.”

“I really thought he was! I mean, what a big coincidence to have his bride’s initials to be same as yours and to want the same wedding that you wanted, right? That’s why I kept on teasing you two. I know I’m not the only one who thought it was strange.” Ten was nodding his head lightly. “See?  Ten agrees with me.”

Ten shrugged. “Yeah, I thought about that, too because I find it weird that he didn’t tell Johnny about his plans to get married when Johnny is his best friend. They’ve been friends since they were in diapers so it doesn’t make sense. But I asked Johnny about that Thalia and he said that Jaehyun introduced her to him on one of their video calls so, well, that’s it.”

“Jaehyun is getting married and I have no intention of ruining it so stop your imaginations,” Taeyong said with a tight line on his lips.

Doyoung sighed again, sincerely worried about his friend. “Are you really sure about this, Tae?”

Taeyong offered him a small smile. “Just this last thing, Doie. Just this last thing then I’ll let go completely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Feral Taeyong made me update!](https://youtu.be/jUsUzbmSLow)  
> 
> 
> Twitter: airypeaches


	14. When You Don’t Know What To Think, You Drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you don’t know what to think, you drink. And then you take a wild guess.
> 
> tw // mentions of drugs

_**  
Jaehyun’s POV**_

Jaehyun doesn't know what to think.

Taeyong has always been a force he immersed himself completely, devotedly, and wholeheartedly with. He's like a drug he willingly injected in his veins that always makes him feel the high, the rush of euphoria, the intense pleasure. He makes him crave for more and more and makes all his inhibitions come to a complete halt. And just like what drugs do to the human body, he became dependent. Taeyong was his drug and just like any other drugs, his happiness became too dependent on him.

_Lee Taeyong._

He downed the glass of whiskey, not minding the bitterness in his mouth and the heat lining his throat. He didn't mind because he didn't know what to think.

He used to know every little thought that runs on Taeyong's head, even the thoughts that Taeyong himself hasn't figured out yet. He used to be the one who knew Taeyong so well—his thoughts, his ambitions, what makes him tick, what makes him giggle with joy, what makes him furiously mad. He memorized every inch of his face, every part of his body, every ticklish spots, the birthmarks and scars. He used to be the one who knew Taeyong so well. A purse on the lips means that he's about to argue. A request followed by a pout means that Jaehyun has no choice but to give in. A subtle raise of one eyebrow means that he's withholding himself from saying something while two eyebrows mean that he’s about to give a piece of his mind. A soft laugh implies that he's trying to be polite or lightening the mood while a full-on Taeyong laugh, his weird yet adorable laugh which makes him sound like he's catching his breath, means that he finds something genuinely funny. He used to know him well but after what happened, upon knowing the reasons that led to their breakup, he questioned himself if he really knew him because _how the hell could he miss it?_ How could he miss the signs that Taeyong was already doubting the very foundation of their relationship?

Resentment is a strong word. Anger is far too gone to describe it. He felt neither of the two. He was sad and hurt. His pain stems from the fact that the person he loved chose to believe that he was the very thing that he despised the most. He was hurt and at a complete and utter disbelief that Taeyong did not trust him enough to ask him—he just left. And that's what hurts more, the fact that he just left.

He just left and threw everything away. He just left without talking. He just left like he's the only one in the relationship when it's supposed to be the two of them. He just left without telling him a reason—not even a shit excuse, not even a lame attempt, not even a lie. He just left like he didn't matter. He just left.

He can't help but think that what if Taeyong woke him up that day and just told him, _"Hey I think you're cheating on me. Is it true?"_ Jaehyun would have been on his knees right there and then to beg for forgiveness for even letting Taeyong have those thoughts. But no, he just left.

He remembered that day clearly. He woke up with the right side of the bed being empty but warm enough to know that someone laid there. When he stood up, he went straight outside the room to look for him but he was nowhere to be seen. He came back to the room to change his clothes and that's when he saw a yellow note with Taeyong’s handwriting beside the aspirin and a glass of water. He remembered his heart clenching when he read the note. He remembered the rain pouring heavily while he was driving to Taeyong's apartment. He remembered the smell of lavender air freshener when he went inside the apartment but he wasn't there. He remembered as he drove around town trying to look for him with his fist clenched on the steering wheel and a hazy vision because his eyes were clouded with tears. He remembered the calls that couldn't connect because his phone was turned off. He remembered worrying like he aged for fifty years because he didn't know where he was. He remembered that day vividly because that's the kind of thing your heart and mind doesn't allow you to forget.

It's stupid, really, how the heart and the mind have a reputation of not getting along but on this particular memory, they decided to torture him until he felt like every single bone and limb of his were being crushed.

To be left behind by someone who drastically changed you, not knowing why and when they will be back—how does someone deal with it?

When they ended things, he figured they would need space. And what he did was a cowardly move—he gave Taeyong literal space, a space so wide he ended up on the other side of the world where they were separated by time zones and different countries with different cultures. Maybe it was indeed cowardly but he really felt that they needed it because as much as some battles need armors and weapons to be fought and defended, other battles just require the parties to throw away the swords and shields on the ground, to just kneel and surrender so as to avoid further casualties. They were the latter. He needed to walk away not just for himself but also for Taeyong.

Taeyong said that he blamed himself. As for Jaehyun, he blamed himself, too. He was absent. He missed a lot of dates, cancelled a lot of their plans at the last minute. He even missed their anniversary. He should've known from then on that from Taeyong's perspective, he was indeed acting suspicious, especially when the text messages that misled Taeyong were added to the equation. As someone who claims that he knew Taeyong well, he should have known. He should have understood what Taeyong must have thought.

Taeyong failed to ask. Jaehyun failed to feel. They didn't blame each other, they blamed themselves for the fallout.

Jaehyun eventually understood why Taeyong did what he did five years ago. It pained him at first—devastated him even. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, he even felt like he couldn't breathe. He ran away. In all honesty, he knows in his heart that he never felt anger towards the other. It was more of the feeling of betrayal because Taeyong knew what he went through. He told him about his past, of how his ex girlfriend cheated on him and thus made him untrusting of other people. Despite knowing this, Taeyong still thought that he was capable of doing that, of cheating on him—to Taeyong of all people. But even then, he was willing to stay. It was the feeling of distrust that ruined him, of Taeyong choosing not to hear his side. Still, he was not angry. He was hurt but he can't push himself to be angry because that's Taeyong. That's his Yongie. And he knew he always had his reasons for doing things. But that doesn't mean he understands, at least not at first glance. That doesn’t mean his failure to understand what Taeyong was thinking was justified.

So if anyone asks him, no, he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what's in Taeyong’s head. He doesn't know what Taeyong is thinking. At least, not anymore.

He doesn't know what to think about Taeyong shedding a tear as they talk about the wedding decorations. He doesn't know what to make of Taeyong crying in his arms, pouring his heart out while they stare at a serene river. All he knows is that Taeyong felt guilty and he needed to let him know that he should stop feeling that way. Taeyong should know that the downfall of their relationship was not his fault alone because in the end, they both walked out.

He doesn't know what to think of Taeyong's lingering stare on the dashboard monitor—the stillness of his gaze on the flashing name of Thalia. What does that connote? Why did he look so gloomy when he went back to staring on the window while he talked with Thalia?

He doesn't know what to think about Taeyong answering yes to his underlying question if he regrets letting their relationship go just like that. They both know what they had was something great and maybe, people are really just inclined to regret letting beautiful things go. Maybe it was just the regret talking.

His mind was a quicksand and he’s stuck in it, squirming and struggling at every thought he didn’t know what to make of. And now, he’s sunked down into the pit of the treacherous grit with nothing to grab onto and no one to save him from his elusive thoughts but himself.

So again, if anyone asks him—he doesn't know what to think.

Taeyong brought out the best in him. When he first met him, he was a person who didn't care. He didn't care about people's eyes following his every move when he walked in a room. He didn't care to reply even a single word or a halfhearted nod to people who were trying to talk to him and if he did, the words were always harsh and uncaring. He used to think that those people only want to talk to him because he's from a well-known family, like what his ex-girlfriend did. Taeyong made him realize that not all people are like that. He taught him that words are powerful and it wouldn't take much from him if he tried to be nice. He learned to tone down the snobby demeanor by watching Taeyong be the ray of sunshine that he is.

He loved everything about him—the way he smiles, his weird laugh, the coos he let out when he's talking to animals, the pouts his mouth makes when he talks, the way he loves his friends, the way his eyes light up when he eats cakes and other sweet pastries, the way he moans his name when he's in absolute pleasure. Even the things he didn't like, he loved every bit. It annoys him but still, he loved the way his face morphs in annoyance when he's nagging him about how his condo unit looked so disastrous and in disarray again whenever he visits, how he scolds him when he forgets to turn off the lights in the kitchen again whenever they sleep together, how he is so stubborn for his own good.

Taeyong was the fresh air when he came up from being submerged in the water for too long. He was the bottle of cold water after he finished running a long marathon. He was the good night's sleep in a soft bed and clean clothes after a long, tiring day.

He was so hopeful at the beginning of things that he thought there’s only a world with him to be gained. He didn’t think that the very same world can be lost in a wild goose chase of overwhelming thoughts.

To say that Jaehyun was a mess when he flew to New York would be an understatement. His emotional state was in rock bottom then the floor gave out and suddenly, he discovered that underneath the floor lies his own personal hell where everything was crashing and burning to the ground and yet oddly enough, he felt so cold. He felt hollow and devoid of any emotions except for the feeling of pain. He didn't even know what he was doing in a foreign country.

New York was full of lights and colors. Everywhere is a busy street with busy people trying to keep up with the fast-paced demands of the metropolis. It was indeed the concrete jungle where a lot of dreams are made of. New York was anything but empty. Despite this, Jaehyun has always felt static—he felt empty in a place that is anything but. The feeling of his heart which was once filled by someone's light and love had become empty. The lights are not colorful enough because he had already seen the brightest spectrum of colors in Taeyong's eyes. Even on the busiest days, he was never restless enough not to spare a thought for the man he left on the other side of the world.

_“Jae, when are you coming back?” Johnny asked through the screen of his laptop._

_Jaehyun gave him a small smile and a shrug. “Might take a while. I just enrolled in grad school.”_

_“You what? Dude, you’re studying again? Why?” Yuta asked, looking like he was betrayed by the crease on his forehead._

_“Relax. I’m studying again because I realized that education is a good investment and it goes a long way. And I’m not just studying, I’m working at the same time.”_

_“You do realize that what you said is just a load of crap, right? “ Yuta rolled his eyes. “Are you okay there?”_

_Jaehyun chuckled. “Yeah. Enough about me, though. There’s not much to tell. How are you guys there? Everybody’s alright?”_

_“We’re fine. Work is starting to be stressful. Yuta here is starting his training for the soccer team,” Johnny answered._

_Jaehyun gave them a small smile. “That’s great, guys. That’s good.”_

_“He’s...doing the best he can, Jae. I know he’s who you really wanted to ask about.”_

_Silence commenced as he lightly nodded his head. “I know you have a reason for deciding to stay there. You can always talk to us, okay?” Johnny continued. “Don’t worry about him. He has wonderful friends surrounding him. They never let him out of their sights ever since—”_

_Yuta immediately cut his words. “Ever since he uh, got drunk and cried all night.”_

_The two shared a silent look. “Yeah. Uh, he got really drunk so they always have their eyes on him. Don’t worry about him, Jae. His friends love him so much. Just take care of yourself.”_

_“I know. Just…” He let out a huge, worried sigh. “Just watch him for me, please.”_

_“We will, Jae. Until you’re ready to come back.”_

He wanted to go back because most of the time, he missed him so much, he didn't know if he's gonna make it. He even thought he saw him in New York that one time, stopping on his tracks to stare at the back of a man in light brown oversized coat, the snow softly landing on his jet black hair. His heart slammed rapidly in his chest, his mind telling him that underneath the oversized piece of clothing and the unusual black hair color was the man his heart and mind knew so well. He didn’t know his feet were already moving to follow the man’s direction.

_“Hey, where are you going?” Thalia asked him when she felt him tugging her hand to move._

_“Huh?” He was whisked out of his reverie and averted his stares from the supposedly unknown man to Thalia. “I, uh, I think I know that person.”_

_He looked for the said man again but he was nowhere to be seen anymore, disappearing in the sea of people. He felt a familiar ache on his chest as his gaze lingered longingly in the direction where the man disappeared into._

_“Who?” Thalia asked._

_He moved his head, trying to look for him again but to no avail. “He’s gone.”_

_“Well, come on now. We’re gonna be late for the play!” Thalia grabbed his hand as she pulled him closer amidst the stream of people._

He couldn’t stop thinking about what he saw that he even texted Johnny about it in an ungodly hour, growing impatient as he awaited for Johnny’s response which took an entire day.

_“Uh, Jae. I don’t know what to say to you but um, well Taeyong was just here with Doyoung in Ten's apartment.”_

_He felt his shoulders slumped in restrained disappointment. “Oh. I’m probably seeing things, right? Must be the cold winter.”_

He wanted to go back more after that because he missed him so much, he was seeing him in places he knew he wasn’t in. But as he said, Taeyong was his drug. What drugs do to the body is that the brain becomes tolerant when it is used for a long period of time. Because of this, the euphoria and the high that the person experienced on the first time is reduced. That's why people tend to increase the consumption in order to make up for the difference. Jaehyun has become so dependent on Taeyong that it shattered his world when they parted. It destroyed him in ways that he knows it shouldn't have. And he knew it destroyed Taeyong to that extent as well, choosing to voluntarily hurt himself for Jaehyun to be happy. He figured that love shouldn't be that destructive, that he can’t let Taeyong hurt himself like that for the sake of making him happy. Taeyong deserves better than that. So as much as his world revolved around him and all his future plans had something to do with him, he chose to stay in New York.

No one witnessed how he fell apart. No one witnessed the tears, the sobs, the can’t-get-out-of-bed kind of pain. No one saw how every intake of breath felt like inhaling tiny shards of broken glass that were piercing his lungs. He was alone in a big, foreign city where the cold winds of winter crept through his skin. No one saw how he tried to pick himself up every single day.

He was downing another glass of alcohol when he heard someone punching the numbers on his security system.

Yuta entered through the door and walked towards him on the balcony of his unit where he was drinking his whiskey and racking his brain of everything and nothing at the same time because for fuck’s sake, he really didn’t know what to think.

“Hey, how was the venue visit with the l—woah, you’re halfway through the bottle already? That rough?”

Jaehyun just stared at the blinking lights of the city, not throwing a glance on the newcomer. “Get your own bottle if you want to drink.”

“Nah. I have practice tomorrow.” He slumped on the seat beside him. “So, lay it all on me, man. What happened? Why are you staring into space like you’re in some freaking melodrama?”

He rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh. “The place was beautiful.”

Yuta raised his eyebrow. “That’s good, right? That means you’re going to have a beautiful wedding?”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Why?”

“He cried in front of me, Yuta. I…” He shook his head in frustration. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Woah, he did? Why? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. He just...cried when we were talking about how the wedding decorations should go. He told me to take the theme because he wouldn’t be able to use it because he will just be reminded of everything that went wrong.”

Yuta nodded lightly, waiting for him to go on.

“And then we finally talked about it—about what happened to us. He blamed himself. He said that he left because he thought he was doing me a favor. He thought that I cheated because he can’t give me all the happiness that I was looking for so he let me go and have that happiness with someone else. He said he just left without saying anything since he was afraid he can’t let me go even if I was happy with someone else.”

“But you already know that. You already know that he thought he was doing those things for your sake. You already know he loved you that much,” Yuta said.

“Do I? Because after everything, I’m not really sure what to think when it comes to Taeyong’s thoughts.”

Yuta patted his shoulder. “We both know how selfless Taeyong is. He was willing to do everything for you even at the expense of his own peace and happiness. That’s why you felt the need to walk away when that happened five years ago. You were both so in love with each other that when it happened, it destroyed you both. And you figured that love wasn’t supposed to be like that. It’s not supposed to hurt you both in that way. Jae, you’ve been beating yourself up trying to punish yourself for having Taeyong walk away thinking that he needed to sacrifice his happiness for your own, even if it’s in misunderstood circumstances. For us outsiders, it’s a case of miscommunication blown way out of proportion. Only the two of you know the extent and true reasons why.”  
  
He took a deep breath and exhaled audibly. “You think it was the guilt of the past talking? Reminded him of what went wrong that’s why he cried? No other reasons?”

“Let me throw that question back to you, man,” Yuta replied.

“You know what I’ve been thinking about for the hours that have passed?”

“What?”

He sighed again for the nth time that night. “I’ve been thinking that I don’t know what to think anymore.”

Yuta laughed softly beside him.

“Yuta.”

“Hmm?”

“Taeyong said Sicheng is already dating someone.”

A minute passed. The faint sound emanating from the main roads and back alleyways can be heard from the balcony as they stare at the blinking neon lights covering the city. “Yeah, I heard from Johnny. And, well, that’s good. Good for him,” Yuta eventually said, nodding his head and convincing no one but himself.

He stared at his friend and sighed. “Go get your own bottle, Yuta.”

Yuta stood up and went straight to get two cans of beer from the refrigerator. “Need to keep it light. I still have training tomorrow.”

They were sitting in silence for a while when Yuta spoke. “I’m happy for him. I really am.” He took a long gulp of the beer. “Sicheng and I, we’re a closed book now. We have no hard feelings toward each other when we choose to break up.”

“About that, why did you guys break up? Even Taeyong doesn’t know why.”

Yuta shrugged as he stared on the city landscape laid before their eyes. “We came to a point where we fought a lot. It just all piled up in the end. Fight all day, make up all night. It became too draining for the both of us.”

“Except?”

Yuta laughed. “Damn, you know me too well. Right, except that at that time, I thought our last fight was just another fight and we’ll reconcile again come morning light, you know? Except that we didn’t. The silence on the phone was pretty much a giveaway that we really were done.”

“You’re gonna be okay seeing him again at this wedding?” He asked.

“Of course. Just make sure it will be a beautiful wedding. I hate wearing tux.”

They both laughed.

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” Jaehyun asked suddenly.

“I still stand by my opinion of you being stupid but,” Yuta shrugged and looked at him intently, “if you feel it in your heart that it’s right, then maybe it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: airypeaches


	15. One More Time Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [NCT 2020 IS COMING!](https://twitter.com/nctsmtown/status/1307696266101612544?s=21)   
> 

It has been a week since Taeyong last saw Jaehyun. He mainly updates the latter through emails and text messages about the progress of the wedding preparations. He already booked a videographer and a photographer, the musicians and people who will fix the designs for the wedding. He was getting impatient and utterly frustrated because Jaehyun was still not giving him the final names for the wedding entourage and the complete guest list saying that his fiancée’s busy or whatever that’s why a lot is still on hold like the invitations and the seating plan. He gets that his bride is a busy person—whatever she’s busying herself with—that’s why she’s not being hands on in the wedding but a little input from the bride on the important matters would really help this wedding to progress quickly. It’s extremely stressing him out and he’s not even the one getting married.

Jaehyun and his fiancée better not blame him when their guests don’t show up on their wedding day because they received their invitations too late or else he’s really going to lose it.

Today, they are scheduled to go for the cake tasting and book a caterer and a florist. They agreed to meet at the Wayv Cakery, one of their company’s partner cake shops. The shop is owned by Sicheng’s current boyfriend, Qian Kun (who is the best cake artist he’s ever known) and it houses Taeyong’s favorite cakes and sweet treats. It’s his personal heaven on earth, really. His heart was beating unusually fast as he approached the glass doors of Wayv Cakery.

_This is because I will be tasting my favorite cakes again. That’s it. No other reasons._

Jaehyun was already there when Taeyong arrived. He was wearing casual clothes—white sneakers, black military pants, plain black shirt and a Balenciaga cap. An epitome of a casual boy-next-door look, one wouldn’t even guess he’s the CEO of a big conglomerate. He looked like the Jaehyun during their days in university. Taeyong smiled at the thought.

Jaehyun saw him and waved, gleefully smiling from ear to ear. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his bright face, too.

He was about to wave back when Kun appeared in front of him. “Taeyong, you’re here! How’s my favorite wedding planner?” He asked, opening his arms for a hug.

He laughed and returned the hug. “Don’t let Jungwoo and Doyoung hear you, they’re gonna beat your ass and eat all your cakes.”

Kun laughed, making a zipping motion on his mouth.

Taeyong looked at Jaehyun. He was staring at them with a raised eyebrow, confusion etched on his face.

“Good morning, Mr. Jung.” He turned to Kun. “Kun, have you given him the menu?”

“No, not yet. He told me to wait for you before we start.”

He turned to Jaehyun. “Well, that’s unnecessary. You could’ve started without me, you know.”

“How can I start without the wedding planner? You’re supposed to plan it with me.”

“Technically, you’re supposed to plan it with your bride. And Jung Jaehyun, you’re just literally gonna take a bite from each cake and say what taste you like best.”

Jaehyun just waved his hands dismissively. “Details, details. Just sit down already. Taste it with me. All cakes taste the same for me.”

Taeyong frowned as he sat down on the seat next to him. “Of course they’re not! What the hell is wrong with your tastebuds?”

“They are, though.”

“God, Jaehyun. What is this abomination against cakes? It’s disrespectful. They don’t deserve this.”

“All I’m saying is that for me, they all taste the same. They’re all sweet. I’m not stating it as a fact. It’s just my opinion.”

“Well, let me tell you that your opinion sucks. They’re not all sweet and they don’t taste the same. They’re distinct from one another,” he retaliated, unconsciously pouting his lips like he does when he’s arguing with other people.

“You’re right, they’re not all sweet. In fact, all of them are not sweet. Someone ruined them for me. I don’t know about cakes but I’ve tasted the softest, sweetest thing before and I’m pretty sure that’s not a cake.” Jaehyun was suddenly staring at his lips and his mouth being slightly parted didn’t help to calm Taeyong down. Taeyong felt the heat spreading through his face and suddenly, Taeyong wanted to scold Kun because _why the hell is it so hot inside his shop?_

Kun was looking at them, entertained at what he’s witnessing. “What are you looking so amused for? And why is it so hot here in your shop? The cakes are going to melt!” He scolded him.

Kun just chuckled. “Nothing. And I’m pretty sure my shop has nothing to do with what you’re feeling.” He laughed again and called Yangyang, his assistant, to bring out the cakes.

Yangyang laid all the cakes on the table. There were chocolate, vanilla, strawberries and cream, red velvet with cream cheese frosting, pistachio with honey buttercream and caramelized pistachios, chocolate mousse, coffee and walnut, white chocolate cake with cranberries, italian creme, mango bravo, sans rival, triple berries—Taeyong was in cloud nine just by seeing the cakes in front of him. He hasn’t tasted anything yet but he felt like he’s already having a sugar rush.

Yes, he’s an adult man. Yes, he said sugar rush. It’s just gonna be like that and everyone should just get over it.

Jaehyun laughed. “Your love for cakes is really admirable. Go on, indulge yourself.”

“Wait,” Kun stopped as Taeyong was about to taste the chocolate cake. “I forgot something.”

Kun went to the kitchen and came back with a whole round peach-colored cake.

“Here, I baked you a peaches and cream cake when you said you were coming.”

Taeyong’s mouth hanged wide open, his eyes filled with delight. He was pleasantly surprised. Peaches and cream cake is his favorite, and Wayv’s peaches and cream is just so heavenly, it’s blowing his mind every time he tastes one. It’s the type of sweet that you won’t get tired of but instead, make you crave for more. He really doesn’t get why it’s not on their official menu.

He gave Kun a big hug and squealed. “Oh my god, Kun, thank you so much! I always knew that you’re the best,” he said which made the other grin.

“You’re very much welcome. Don’t eat it in one sitting, okay?”

Taeyong just grinned. He can’t promise that.

“Too sweet.” Jaehyun was scowling while poking the red velvet cake. “Bland, don’t like the taste,” he said, tasting the sans rival next.

Taeyong took a fork and ate the sans rival cake. “Mmmhmmm wow this tastes good!” He took a bite of the red velvet that Jaehyun said was too sweet. “Mhhhmyghard, wow Kun, this tastes good too, I don’t know which one I like better.” He turned to Jaehyun and glared. “It’s not bland, shut up.”

Jaehyun pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. _What is his problem today?_ He looked like a child sulking but for what reason, Taeyong didn’t know.

They tasted all the cakes in front of them but it seemed like nothing passed the Jaehyun tastebuds test. His comments were either “Tastes okay” or just a shrug. He even said that the chocolate mousse is “so-so”. Taeyong was so close to smacking his head. How dare he?

“Just pick a flavor, Jaehyun.” Taeyong rolled his eyes at him.

“I don’t know, you pick one.”

“It’s your wedding, you shi—” He stopped himself and took a long, deep breath.

_He’s still a client. I’m a professional. I’m a professional._

“Woah, were you just gonna curse me? Wow, some things really never change.”

“Shut up. I wasn’t.” Taeyong noticed the peaches and cream cake in the box that Kun gave him. He took it out and sliced a piece.

“Here,” he said, bringing the fork to Jaehyun’s mouth.

Jaehyun’s eyes widened as he chewed on the cake. He looked at him, obviously trying to hide the fact that he liked it.

“You like it, don’t you?”

He shrugged. He took another bite and pouted.

_God, that’s cute._

He turned to Kun. “Kun, will it be possible to choose the peaches and cream for the wedding cake? I know it’s not on the menu but please help me out here? I know he slandered your cakes today but trust me, he’s not usually like that.” He grimaced at Jaehyun, “I don’t know what’s wrong with him today.

Kun laughed. “I think I know. It’s okay. And yeah, I’ll help you out. As I said, you’re my favorite.”

He gave Kun a hug. “Thank you so much, Kun!”

Jaehyun tapped the table. “Never mind. I don’t want it. Let’s stick to the chocolate cake.”

“Shut up,” he glared at him.

“Hey, it’s my wedding!”

“And you said you can’t plan a wedding without me. So shut it Mr. Jung. I’ve heard enough cake discrimination from your mouth. Now answer me, how many layers do you want? And do you want all layers to be the same flavor?”

“Fine. What do you think?”

“Couples normally choose the standard three-layered wedding cakes.”

“How about you? What do you want? Do you still want it to be as high as Rapunzel’s tower?”

It was a simple yes or no question but Taeyong can’t seem to find the words to answer it. _He still remembers that?_

“I, um.” Taeyong gulped, trying to regain his composure. “It’s not really up to me, Jaehyun.”

“Hmm, right.” He turned to Kun. “Mr. Qian, do you know the movie Tangled?”

“I do. Taeyong introduced me to it.”

Jaehyun’s expression hardened then returned to normal so quickly, he felt like he just imagined it. Maybe he did. “I want to have that feel in the cake.”

“Sure. Yangyang?” He called. “Can you get the iPad so we can start sketching their cake?”

“On it, boss,” Yangyang said and went to get the iPad.

“Any particular details?”

“Hmm. Kinda want to have it like Rapunzel’s tower.”

Kun grabbed some blocks of cylindrical styrofoams and stacked them together. “If I remember it correctly, Rapunzel’s tower goes like this—a straight cylindrical wall then there’s their house on top.” He put a bigger styrofoam on top to visualize it. “This is how the outline would look like.”

“What do you think?” Jaehyun asked Taeyong.

“I, um. Well that looks nice.”

“But?”

“What but? I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to say it. I know you.”

Taeyong bit the skin of the inside of his lip before answering.

“Well, what if instead of the tower, why not make it the castle? Don’t get me wrong. The tower cake looks very nice but I saw a picture of a huge Tangled cake before where they used the castle as the main attraction on top and it looked breathtaking. But that’s just me. I’m sorry, I have a thing for all-out details. Again, this is your wedding, not mine so...”

“No, I think I like that idea better. How about we incorporate the lanterns in it? How can we do that?”

Kun was sketching the outline of the castle on his iPad as they discuss. “If you know the edible sugar flowers, we can do that here but instead of flowers, we will make it look like lanterns. We can stick those mini lanterns so they’ll appear like floating lanterns,” he suggested as he drew lanterns on the supposed layers of the cakes in his iPad.

“Wait, Kun that actually looks nice!” Taeyong said upon taking a closer peek on what Kun was drawing, tapping Kun’s shoulders in amazament.

“We can also incorporate the tower, if you want.” He grabbed a much larger block of styrofoam and stacked the other styrofoams on top. “These large styrofoams will serve as the first three layers of the cake. Instead of pure layers, we’ll cut open this frontal part and we will put the tower inside. And how about we put the boat, too? So that we can maximize the space and the tower won’t be the only Tangled-detail thing instead?”

“I like that, Mr. Qian. Just surround some flowers here in the opening. My fiancée loves flowers.”

“Okay. We’ll put sugar flowers there. Any specific flowers?”

“Nothing specific. My fiancée loves all flowers equally except that time when there was an obsession with a particular flower because of the smell. Well anyway, just put a variety of flowers here and there.”

“No problem on that. Mr. Jung, I always ask this on my wedding clients to make the cake more personal for the couple. I would like to incorporate personal stories in the cakes that I make. What’s you and your fiancée’s story? How did you meet and how did you propose?”

Jaehyun glanced at him when Kun asked his questions. He and Jaehyun haven’t really talked about the personal stuff regarding his fiancée. Taeyong’s not sure if he wanted to know about the lucky woman who’s going to spend the rest of her life with Jaehyun. It’s not that he’s jealous. Of course not. He can’t be, that’s impossible, right? It’s just purely professionalism...yeah, that’s it.

“Our story? Hmm.” The man’s gaze didn’t leave his face and it’s starting to set a bizarre stirring on his gut. “We met on a rainy day.”

Taeyong met his eyes upon those words, heart loudly beating on his chest. What are the odds that he met his fiancée on a rainy day, too?

“That’s all I’m gonna say on how we met because it was a rollercoaster ride after that. As to how I proposed, hmm. I haven’t really proposed yet. Well, not properly. I already asked before. I mean, I made my intentions clear that I want us to get married when...when the right time comes and I believe now is the right time for us to do that. I don’t want to waste anymore time away from each other.”

Taeyong felt a twitch in his chest. It was faint, quiet, trying to be as surreptitious as possible. But as they said, the smallest cut can be fatal. It was just like an infinitesimal cut from a small piece of glass except that it was a million shards of glass cutting his skin all at once. He was reminded of the exact promise they made when they felt like they were on top of the world filled with nothing but the rush and high of their new-found love and buzzing emotions; before they were drastically hit by miscommunications, unspoken feelings and self-doubts. They made the same promise years ago and now, one of them is finally fulfilling it—same promise but with a different person.

_At least one of us gets to fulfill that._

“It seems that you really love this person,” Kun said and he couldn’t agree more. So Jaehyun was basically planning this wedding alone because he’s trying to surprise Thalia. Taeyong has always known Jaehyun to be sweet even if the latter seems cold to others who don’t really know him. But it still surprised him to see Jaehyun going through lengths like this, planning his wedding alone to surprise his fiancée. And how deeply in love they could be that Jaehyun was so sure Thalia would say yes in an instant?

“I do. I really do,” Jaehyun answered with a soft smile on his face.

Taeyong smiled at his answer and his soft expression. Despite the bitter stirring on his chest, he was really happy for Jaehyun for having another shot at love and happiness after the mess they’ve been through.

“I think that would be it, then. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding, Mr. Jung.”

“Thank you, Mr. Qian.”

“So it’s going to be around eight to ten tiers of wedding cake. Wow, I think this is the biggest cake that I will be baking yet,” Kun exclaimed while surveying the stacks of styrofoams in front of them.

“This is the biggest and most intricate cake design that we’ve collaborated on. And it’s on an unusually short notice. Will you be okay with the timeline?” Taeyong asked him worriedly.

“It’s going to be hard but you know me, I love the challenge. And I’m always willing to help you with your clients, you know.”

He nudged his shoulders in response. “Aww, see this is why I like you very much, Kunnie.” They both laughed.

Jaehyun scoffed at them. “Hey, Mr. Wedding Planner, we still have lots to do today. We need to go. Come on.”

He suppressed an eyeroll. “I know that, I’m the one who scheduled them.”

Taeyong turned to Kun again. “So peaches and cream for all layers—“

His words were cut by Jaehyun. “No. Chocolate.”

“Shut up, Mr. All-cakes-taste-the-same. I’ve heard enough cake discriminations from your mouth today.”

He discussed the remaining details with Kun while Jaehyun sulked on his chair.

“Thank you so much for today, Kun. Again, I’m so sorry about Jaehyun and his cake slandering. I think we need to go to a hospital after this because there is clearly something wrong with his taste buds.” He gave Jaehyun a pointy glare. “And thank you for the peaches and cream cake. Don’t tell your boyfriend about this, he’s going to tell Ten, Jungwoo and Doyoung if ever and they’re all going to go to my apartment and eat it. Don’t get me wrong, I love them but there are some things that I’m not really willing to share and this is one of them, okay?”

“Wait, go back. Boyfriend?” Jaehyun asked from his seat.

“Yeah. He’s Sicheng’s boyfriend.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in surprise, his sulking face morphed into a bright smile. “Really? Well I didn’t know that!” He stood up and put a hand on Kun’s shoulder which made Taeyong’s brows raise. “Mr. Qian, sorry about the whole cake thing. Your cakes taste marvelous, to be honest. Especially the peaches and cream one. Thank you for letting me have that, by the way.”

Taeyong was looking at him incredulously, mouth agape. He was so confused by his sudden change of mood.

_What the fuck is wrong with him today?_

“Jung Jaehyun, did you hit your head today or something? Did you eat something bad? Or are you perhaps...high?”

“No! The fuck, I don’t use those. Come on, we still have a lot to do.” He turned to Kun again and shook his hand. “Please make this cake the best cake you’ll ever make. I’m willing to pay any amount just to give T—uh Thalia, my fiancée, the best wedding.”

“I’m planning to reserve the best cake I will ever make for my own wedding someday but until that day comes, sure, I will give you the best cake for now.”

“Thanks again, man. And delicious cakes,” he said, giving Kun a double thumbs up. “Keep it up, Sicheng is so lucky to have you. And say hi to Sicheng for me.”

Kun laughed and nodded. “Will do.”

Taeyong gave Kun another hug. “Thank you so much, Kun. We’ll go now. I’ll just contact you again. And I’m really sorry, he’s acting very weird. I don’t know why.”

Kun gave him a meaningful smile. “I think I do. Take care, Tae.”

———————————————

  
Taeyong and Jaehyun went to their next destination, the Dream Flowershop. They just finished eating lunch slash food tasting that lasted for almost three hours because everything tasted so incredibly good.

If there’s one thing that Taeyong loves more than sweets, it’s flowers. They’re just so beautiful. And for him, it symbolizes something more than beauty. They are symbols of hope. They are like the grace growing directly from the ground. Flowers bloom at their own seasons. Some flowers bloom more times than the others. Some blooms faster and some slower, but all eventually do. Every flower blooms in its own time and its own space, just like people. Wildflowers even grow in the middle of nowhere. Even on the driest deserts, flowers still blossom. That's why he believes that even in the harshest circumstances, a person can still grow.

And as someone has said, we don’t always need to look up for the stars to see beauty in this world. Sometimes,the more beautiful things are the flowers on our feet.

Jaemin, the shop owner, was showing them different bouquet styles. There’s biedermeier, cascade, round, and composite. “But it will be easier to decide if you already pick the flowers that you want in the bridal bouquet. Did you pick something already?” Jaemin asked Jaehyun.

“Not yet.” He turned to Taeyong. “What do you think?”

“Why are you asking me? Haven’t you talked about favorite flowers with your bride yet?”

“She likes all flowers. What can you recommend?”

“Well, most popular for weddings are roses, tulips, peonies, lilies, hydrangeas among others.”

“Okay. Let’s put those around the venue.” He turned to Jaemin. “I’m going with a lavender bouquet.”

Taeyong can’t help but to look at him then down to the ground abruptly, trying to hide the pained expression on his face. Lavenders were their thing. Jaehyun knew it had become his favorite flower since they started dating. Jaehyun never fails to give him lavenders on multiple occasions.

_And now he’s giving them to someone else._

Taeyong tried his best to hide the bitterness that was twisting his insides. It’s like he’s being robbed of every little detail that was supposed to be his but he can’t say anything about it. Lavenders are not exclusively his, right? Jaehyun loves the smell of lavenders, too and maybe, Thalia also learned to love it through Jaehyun. He sighed at the thought.

“That’s wonderful! Do you know that lavenders represent devotion and undying love? Lavenders represent the willingness of someone to love you in all conditions. A beautiful flower with a fitting message to walk you down the aisle.”

They all discussed the flower arrangements that are going to be as the centerpiece, those on the aisle, the bouquet and in the overall place.

“I want a variety of flowers all over the place. For the centerpiece, can we have this?” Jaehyun showed Jaemin a picture of the sundrop flower in Tangled. _Of course he would use that._

“Oh, the one from Tangled? The closest I can think of are yellow lilies. We can just put colorings on the center for the violet color inside.”

“Okay, that would be nice. Can we do something for the flowers to somehow glow to keep up with the whole wedding theme?”

“Hmm.” Jaemin put his hand on his chin, pondering upon the desired outcome of Jaehyun’s request and how to execute it.

“How about we put them inside a glass?” Taeyong suggested.

“What do you mean, hyung?” Jaemin asked.

“You know the flower thing that is popular these days? They got the idea from the Beauty and the Beast’s enchanted rose. They put a rose inside then put some micro LED lightings then cover it with a dome-shaped glass vase.”

“Oh I know that! That’s a great idea, hyung.”

They continued to discuss about other matters pertaining to the timeline of the wedding.

“Let’s keep in touch for the preparations. Thank you so much for accepting this even if the wedding is in a short notice, Jaemin.”

“No problem, Taeyong hyung. You’ve brought me so much clients, you know. It’s the least I can do.”

Taeyong smiled. “We’ll go ahead now.”

“Wait, you go to the car first. Wait for me there.” Jaehyun said, giving him his car keys.

“Um, okay.”

He walked towards Jaehyun’s car in the parking lot of the shop.

Taeyong cannot deny that everything about planning Jaehyun’s wedding was making him feel things that he shouldn’t be feeling anymore. Every detail that was supposed to be his was adding salt to injury—the wedding theme, the venue, the cake design and flavor and now the flowers. He can’t help but wonder if Jaehyun was doing everything purposely. Does his fiancée really likes the wedding theme or he’s just trying to get back at him for hurting him before?

Because if he is, he’ll gladly bury the pain to the deepest part of his heart and let this be his atonement. If this is how he pays for the pain that he inflicted on him, then so be it.

_What a cruel life,_ he thought—Loving someone with an intensity so great that everything you do revolves around that person and then leaving him just because of incorrect assumptions and miscommunications. It’s appalling—the thought of loving that same person for five excruciating years with the thought that maybe, if he was just a little more mature, he would still be with that person and happily spending their days together. Planning for the day when the man he never stopped loving for years and feels most apologetic to—the man that no one knew he was still waiting for, not even himself—will start his new life with someone else? Now that’s just tragic.

He let out a sigh. He knows damn well that Jaehyun will never hurt him purposely. He’s not that kind of person. And he also knows that Jaehyun deserves to be happy and his happiness clearly is in a golden frame without him in it. It’s useless to indulge in what-ifs and what-could-have-beens.

Just then, he saw Jaehyun walking towards the car with a bouquet of lavenders. _There goes my what if._

“Here,” he said, willing for him to take the bouquet in his hands.

He stared at the bouquet. “W-what am I supposed to do with this?”

“I don’t know. I just know that it’s your favorite. It’s a gift of gratitude for planning this wedding.”

Taeyong didn’t know what to say and feel. He felt the warmth spreading in his body knowing that Jaehyun still remembers the little things like his favorite flower but at the same time, a part of him was hurt because...well, _he knew_. He knew it was his favorite and yet he still chose to use it in his wedding.

“Thank you,” he said and smiled at him, trying his best not to show the tinge of pain that was starting to settle on his chest.

“You’re welcome. Where are my keys?”

Taeyong’s head perked up in astonishment. “W-what?!”

“My keys? Can you give me my keys?”

“Jaehyun, why would I give you a kiss?! Are you out of your mind?”

“The keys, Taeyong. Keys of the car.” Jaehyun was suppressing a laugh and Taeyong wanted to vanish into thin air, cheeks burning in embarrassment. He handed him the keys and stealthily hid his face in the bouquet.

“I don’t think we should blame your sense of hearing for that, huh? What is it with you and your ability to mishear things? Reminds me of the lecture incident seven years ago,” Jaehyun laughed. The resonance from his deep, throaty laugh sending him in a frenzy of emotions.

“Shut up,” his lips pursed in a pout which made the other stop on his laugh parade.

Jaehyun cleared his throat and asked, “It’s already 6pm, where do you want to eat?”

“I’m still full from what we ate a while ago. Let’s just go to a diner or something? Burgers? Fries?”

——

They decided to eat at 127 Diner.

“Hi, good evening. Welcome to 127 Diner. I’m Haechan. May I take your order?”

Taeyong scanned through the menu. “Quarter pounder with extra cheese and Nutella shake for me.”

“Same with him.”

“Coming right up!” Haechan said and left to get their orders.

They were waiting for their food when the music that was playing in the diner changed. Taeyong recognized the song, it was One More Time Around.

_Corner booth, sitting all alone_  
_Sneaking looks out the window_  
_But you caught me checking my phone_  
_When you walked up, just_

“So that was Sicheng’s boyfriend that you said I’ll meet soon,” Jaehyun said.

“Yeah. They’ve been dating for almost a year now, if I remember it correctly.”

“When Yuta told me before that he and Sicheng broke up, I thought it was just one of their many breakups again.”

“Me too, honestly. They were kinda adorable together but I guess they got tired of the fights, the on again and off again cycle.”

_A little later then I told you_  
_That summer dress off your shoulder_  
_It's almost like I didn't know you_  
_Then I saw you smile_

“Maybe. I guess you’re right.”

“I just thought they’d last together. They were so in love.”

“I guess love really is not enough to make someone stay,” Jaehyun muttered.

_Yeah._ They both know that well enough.

_You've got the kind of eyes, make me say forever_  
_Turn back time to our days together_  
_What went wrong? I can't remember_  
_Not this time around_

“Johnny and Ten though, that’s a couple I wasn’t expecting to last this long,” he mused, laughing lovingly at the thought of the two.

Jaehyun laughed lightly, too. “I know, right? Johnny used to jump from one boyfriend or girlfriend to another.”

“And Ten tends to be too attached easily.”

“Who would have thought? That one-night stand did them good.”

_Tryna play it cool but I lack the don't care_  
_How I'm gonna live knowing that you're right there_  
_Gotta be crazy, you got me wondering about_  
_One more time around_

_And then there’s us,_ Taeyong thought.

“How’s your mom?” Jaehyun asked. He and his mom were pretty close before. He even goes to their house even if Taeyong’s not there just to visit his mom.

“She’s fine. She’s currently into gardening. Three months ago, she was obsessed with baking. I’m not complaining though. I was on the receiving end of the baked goods.”

“Can I visit her? I haven’t seen her in so long, she might even forgot about me.”

“Of course you can. She didn’t forget about you, silly. I still can’t forget that it seemed like she liked you more than me, her own son.” He shook his head at the thought. “She even has all the puzzles you gave her when she was obsessed with those before.”

Jaehyun laughed, displaying the set of dimples that he fell in love before.

_Killed a couple hours getting caught up_  
_Talking about our other loves and bad luck_  
_Figured out we ain't found nothing like us_

“Jaehyun?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask about your fiancée, Thalia?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer for a while. “What about her?”

_Just in time for me to pay the bill and hold the door for you_  
_For you to give me hope and say we'll talk soon_  
_Almost felt like I could kiss you_  
_Then we said goodbye_

“Nothing in particular. Just like, what does she do? How did you meet her?”

“She’s a businesswoman. I’ve known her since we were young. She’s the daughter of my father’s friend. We met again in New York when we were in the same graduate school.”

Taeyong just nodded. So he knew her way longer than he’d known Taeyong.

“On a rainy day, too?”

“Huh?”

“You told Kun that you met your fiancée on a rainy day, right?”

“Oh, um. Right.”

_You've got the kind of eyes make me say forever_  
_Turn back time to our days together_  
_What went wrong? I can't remember_  
_Not this time around_

_Tryna play it cool but I lack the don't care_  
_How I'm gonna live knowing that you're right there_  
_Gotta be crazy, you got me thinking about_  
_One more time_

“How about you?” he asked. “Why are you still single?”

“How sure are you that I’m single?”

“Johnny told me.”

He chuckled lightly. “You’re talking about me with Johnny?”

“I, um, well you know Johnny. He’s chatty. And...I care for you.”

He felt the hard pounding of his heart in his chest which he hid in a small smile. “I don’t know. I’m just not looking for one.”

_And as I was watching you go_  
_Was watching you leaving_  
_A blue Pontiac passed between us_  
_And I saw life on my own_  
_Wishing that we had never let this go_

Taeyong has this one question that he wanted to ask, but too afraid to.

_Do you love her so much, Jaehyunnie? That you’re fulfilling our promises together with her?_

But he can’t. Because he knows the answer. Of course he loves her. He’s marrying her.

_You've got the kind of eyes make me say forever_  
_Turn back time to our days together_  
_What went wrong? I can't remember_  
_Not this time around_

_Tryna play it cool but I lack the don't care_  
_How I'm gonna live knowing that you're right there_  
_Gotta be crazy, you got me wondering about_  
_One more time around_

_One more time around._ He smiled bitterly, burying the thought on the deepest part of his brain where no one, not even him, can dig it. It’s a lost cause. The man is getting married. He has moved on with his life and so should he. Time to close the book now.

Their food finally came. “Enjoy your meal,” Haechan said and they both thanked him after.

They were both munching on their burgers when Jaehyun spoke. “You know what, the cakes earlier taste really good. Reminded me of these very tasty cookies in New York. I’m not really into sweet pastries but I kept on coming back for those cookies. I found the store in a quite hidden alleyway when I was trying to find an alternative way to go to my unit without bumping with the flock of tourists going to Times Square. I like the peace and quiet.”

“Me,too. I like going to quiet places more. Times Square is just too jam-packed with people. I almost got lost when I was there.”

Jaehyun’s brows furrowed. “You’ve been to New York?”

Taeyong fell silent, immediately biting his lower lip upon realizing his words that just set in.

“Taeyong?” Jaehyun called for him.

“Um, I did,” he lightly nodded, gaze dropping on the floor. “About four years ago.”

“So it was you. I s-saw you. Johnny lied to me?”

His head perked up in confusion. “You saw me?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t sure then. I asked Johnny about it but he didn’t say anything.”

“Please don’t be mad at him. Maybe he told our other friends about it and they said that I don’t want you to find out.”

They both stayed still for a moment, eyes not meeting each other.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaehyun asked eventually.

“I saw you with someone, you were really happy and I just can’t bring myself to get closer because I was afraid that smile would vanish if you see me. The last time I saw you before that was when...when we broke up so I was relieved when I saw you smiling and laughing. I… I didn't see the point of telling you.”

“You should’ve approached me, Taeyong.”

“You were with someone. I didn’t want to interfere. W-was that Thalia?”

He dropped his gaze. “Yes.”

“Well, I’m happy then that I didn’t come close. Besides, it’s not like it’s gonna change anything.”

“It would’ve changed everything.” Jaehyun whispered so softly, he wouldn’t hear it if he wasn’t paying attention.

The table was silent, saved by the music playing in the background. They can’t even bring themselves to eat the food in front of them.

“Why did you come?” Jaehyun asked eventually.

Taeyong took a deep breath before answering. “Because I was hoping that we could talk it out and reconcile, fix everything and get back together. But when I saw you, I realized that all I really wanted was to see you happy—even if it’s not because of me,” he said as he stared at the eyes of the man that still makes his heart race even after all these years of being apart. “And I wanted to see The Met museum and St. Patrick’s Cathedral, too. Although I didn't get to see them since I went back home immediately,” he chuckled.

Jaehyun’s face remained stagnant. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Jae. I didn't even want you to know. It happened years ago. Let’s just leave it at that. Besides, we’re happy now. That’s all that matters.”

“Are you?” Jaehyun asked, an unknown feeling hanging on his questions.

Taeyong forced a smile on his face. “Of course, Jaehyun. I am.”

_I’m happy as long as you are._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [NCT 2020 IS COMING!](https://twitter.com/nctsmtown/status/1307696266101612544?s=21)   
>  [Twitter: @airypeaches](https://twitter.com/airypeaches)   
> 


	16. And This I Vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one. Hope you guys enjoy reading, too!

It was the day of rehearsal for Jaehyun and Thalia’s wedding. As the wedding planner, Taeyong was supposed to be in Sokcho earlier than the others to prepare. Ten, Sicheng, Doyoung and Jungwoo insisted on coming with him, saying that they wanted to get out of the city too and they were invited to the wedding anyway. But Taeyong knows that they just want to come with him because the last time he came here, he went home crying.

“Why are you all even coming? Ten, I can understand. He’s with Johnny. What about you three? None of you are part of the entourage,” he whined from the backseat of the car.

Sicheng spoke beside him. “Oh give it a rest. We’re already in the car. We even texted Jaehyun. The groom said yes. Groom trumps wedding planner. Now shut it.”

Taeyong sighed in frustration but smiled inwardly for having such caring friends.

“Hey Tae, are you curious about what his fiancée looks like? We’re finally gonna see her today,” Doyoung asked from the driver’s seat since he’s their designated driver for the day.

Taeyong wasn’t exactly sure what he’s feeling about finally seeing Jaehyun’s fiancée. He had already seen her before unintentionally when he briefly went to New York (not knowing that years after, he’s going to plan her wedding, what a twist of fate). He’s not nervous, he’s just...well, he doesn’t really know. He’s bound to see her anyway, might as well get it over with.

“No,” he answered. “And I don’t care. I’m just here to do my job.”

Ten gave him an unconvinced look. “Huh. Sounds fake but okay.”

He glared at Ten which the other just returned with a shrug and an impish smile like the little bitch that he is.

“How about you, Sicheng? How do you feel about seeing your ex, Yuta? He’s one of the best men, right?” Ten asked Sicheng.

“Why are you asking me? Am I supposed to feel anything? It’s been two years. We’ve moved on,” Sicheng answered

Jungwoo spoke from the passenger’s seat in front. “Well Sicheng, some people spend 5 years without moving on. They even plan their ex’s wedding.”

Taeyong smacked Jungwoo’s head which filled the car with laughter from the group.

“Aw! Hyung!”

“I’m sorry, Woo but you kinda deserved that one,” he told the younger.

“Yeah, well, we can’t silence the truth, hyung.”

“That’s true. But we can hit it in the head to shut it out.”

—————————————

Taeyong was going through the rehearsal plan with Jungwoo, who served as his assistant today, when Jaehyun, Johnny and Yuta arrived together with two other men whom Taeyong recognized as Xiaojun and Hendery, Jaehyun’s friends. He smiled at the sight. He hasn't seen the trio together for so long.

“Hey baby munchkin!” Ten literally ran to Johnny who caught him with two arms and now they’re engulfed in a tight embrace, twirling like they’re in some freaking romantic melodrama with slow background music and flower petals falling from nowhere.

“Don’t they live with each other?” He asked Jungwoo, Doyoung and Sicheng.

“God, I hate couples. Get a room!” Jungwoo shouted for the two lovers to hear.

“Why do you hate couples? You literally work with them everyday,” Sicheng asked Jungwoo.

“That’s the thing. I work with couples everyday. I see shits, that’s why.”

The newcomers spotted their group.

“Taeyong? Hey! How are you?! I haven’t seen you in so long!” Yuta grappled him in a tight embrace.

“Hey! I know! I’m fine, still planning weddings that aren’t mine. How about you? Heard your team won in the SEA Games? Nice job, big shot.”

Yuta chuckled. “It’s a team effort. So...planning Jaehyun’s wedding, huh?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged then smiled. “Apparently, the world needs more kindness so here I am.”

“Yuta hyung!” They heard an approaching Jungwoo called.

“Hey Jungwoo, my favorite dongsaeng! Wow, we haven’t seen each other for so long.”

“And who’s fault is that, Yuta hyung?” Jungwoo gave the man a hug.

“Hey, I’ve been busy. You’ve been busy.”

Jungwoo squinted his eyes. “You sure? Hey Sicheng, someone wants to say hi.”

Sicheng, who was “busy” fondling over the snacks table beside them, just bowed his head and went back to eating.

“The fuck was that?” Doyoung laughed.

“You guys are making this so awkward.” Sicheng rolled his eyes as he came closer to them. “Hey Yuta.” Sicheng offered his hand to shake Yuta’s hand which the latter took. They looked at them with confusion and amusement at the same time.

For two people who claimed they parted peacefully, they sure were being awkward to each other.

“Um, no Sicheng. I think _you’re_ making this awkward.”

Some of the groomsmen have arrived whom Taeyong recognized as Mark and Lucas, Jaehyun’s friend and cousin respectively.

“Oooh, who’s the tall one?” Jungwoo asked beside him, eyes focused on Lucas.

“That’s Lucas, Jaehyun’s cousin,” he answered.

“His cousin? Damn, what is up with their genes? Makes me wanna join their family.”

They both laughed at what he said.

Taeyong spotted Jaehyun alone at the back of the group so he decided to approach him. “Hey. Why are you all alone here?”

The man just smiled at him. “Nothing. It’s just nice to see everyone see each other again after a long time.”

“You’re right. It’s really nice to see Yuta and the others, too. It’s been so long. By the way, are your parents coming today?”

“They’re not, but they’ll be here in time for the wedding.”

“So we’re just waiting for the bride and her part of the entourage then. Can you contact her? We need to start the rehearsal.”

“Oh, she’s not coming. She still has matters to attend to. So are her bridesmaids and maid of honor. Let’s start.”

Taeyong blinked rapidly upon hearing what he just said, the wedding planning stress starting to tingle in his brain. “But...there’s no bride, Jaehyun. In case you don’t know, the bride is a _pretty much_ important person for a wedding, if it isn’t apparent enough for you.”

“That’s easy. Be the proxy. Come on, everybody’s waiting,” Jaehyun said casually, like he didn’t just offer the most absurd solution to an equally absurd problem.

“What?! Are you crazy?!” He shrieked. What the hell?!

“It’s just for the rehearsal, come on.”

Jaehyun took his hand and lightly dragged him to where Jungwoo was standing.

“Hey Jungwoo, I need to borrow Taeyong for the rehearsal. He’s going to be the proxy since my bride can’t come.”

Jungwoo’s mischievous thoughts were so apparent by the sly smile on his face. “Ohhh. I see.”

“Jaehyun, this is ridiculous! No, I can’t be your proxy bride. First of all, I’m your wedding planner! Second, do I look like a freaking bride to you?”

“Can you see a woman here in this place?” Jaehyun asked back.

Weirdly enough, there was no woman in the place.

“Oh don’t worry, hyung. It’s just a rehearsal. I’ll be the wedding planner for this rehearsal. Just go be the proxy and make this day more interesting than it already is,” Jungwoo said while patting his shoulders for encouragement.

“No!” He insited. “You’re both crazy!”

“Oh come on. People traveled to go here. Just walk down the aisle when it’s your turn to walk and that’s it. Now go, move. Let’s start this rehearsal. Clock is ticking, chop chop. You know the drill, hyung.” Jungwoo pushed Jaehyun and Taeyong to where the group was gathered together to start the rehearsal for the wedding entourage processional march.

“Okay everyone, change of plans for the day. The bride can’t come so I’ll be the wedding planner today since Taeyong hyung is filling in for Jaehyun’s partner. Interesting isn’t it? We have two grooms today.”

“Oh? So they’re getting married today?” Ten asked.

“No! We are not getting married today! What the hell is wrong with you guys?!” Taeyong protested.

His hard denial just earned a fit of laughter from the group.

“Fine, fine. Let’s just think of it as your utmost dedication to being a wedding planner, then.” Jungwoo shook his shoulders as an attempt to appease him from the group’s teasing and gave him the fake bouquet for him to hold.

“Okay, places everyone. The procession will start with the grandparents. We don’t have them from both sides right now. Next would be the parents of the groom, followed by the mother of the bride. Again, we don’t have them here yet—where are your entourage people Jaehyun?” Jaehyun just shrugged with a smile on his face. “Okay moving on to the groom. You’ll enter by this side.” Jungwoo guided Jaehyun to where he was supposed to walk going to the front of the altar.

Taeyong watched his back while he walked down the aisle, memories of him imagining the same scene came flooding back. It was like this, their supposed wedding in an open space with the beauty of nature surrounding them. Jaehyun would walk first and then he'd follow because he insists on holding a lavender bouquet. Their families and friends cheering them as they walk on the beginning of their lives together. He smiled bitterly at the thought.

“Next, bridesmaids and groomsmen. We don’t have any party from the bride so we’ll make do with the groomsmen. Mark, followed by Lucas, Hendery and Xiaojun. Not to be me but Lucas, do you need a proxy partner there? I can accompany you.”

“Oh my god, Jungwoo.” Taeyong hid his face in the fake bouquet due to both frustration and laughter.

“Nice. Get it, Woo!”

All the people laughed when Lucas stretched his hands for Jungwoo to take which actually made the latter blush. He’s not that shameless, after all. The two walked down the aisle with whistles and cheers from their friends.

“Thank you, thank you everyone.” Jungwoo snickered and went back to his place to guide everyone again. “Next in line, the maid of honor and best man, or best men for this matter. Yuta hyung will be partnered with the bride’s maid of honor—who is not here, too. Sicheng, you wanna take over?” Sicheng rolled his eyes at Jungwoo. “No? Okay Yuta hyung, walk alone now. You’ll be followed by Johnny and Ten.”

Yuta took his walk, followed by Johnny and Ten as a couple. “We’ll skip the ring bearer and flower girls for now. So we’re down to the entrance of the bride—in our case today, another groom. Let’s go, Taeyong hyung.”

Taeyong nervously walked down the aisle, his eyes fixed on the ground as he walked. He still cannot fathom how this day turned the way it weirdly did. Why in the hell was he walking down the aisle for a wedding that was not his, he didn't really understand just the slightest bit. He didn’t even know why he’s so nervous. All the people there were his friends, with some additions of Jaehyun’s friends that he was acquainted with before. So why was he so nervous? He could literally feel his hands shaking.

“Taeyong hyung, keep your head up,” he heard Jungwoo shouted so he did. He saw Jaehyun smiling fondly at him as he walked down the aisle with a fake bouquet in his hands. The smile washed away his nervousness in a heartbeat. God, he was so screwed. After years of not being together, he still has that effect on him. His smile still gets him weak on his knees and washes away all his fears. He’s feeling all these butterflies for a man who is about to get married. _Yep. Screwed._

“Okay, so after the procession, the next part would be the wedding proper, the part where the officiant will say that we have all gathered here today and stuff like that,” Jungwoo said for everyone to hear.

The rehearsal flew by until it was time for the exchange of vows.

“And now it’s time for the vows.” Jungwoo turned to Jaehyun. “Jaehyun, you can opt not to say your vows now. Save it for the big day. But since your bride’s not around, you can practice saying it now.”

“Sure. I’ll practice my vows now,” Jaehyun answered while nodding his head.

“Do you have it written?”

“No. I’ll just say the things at the top of my head.” Jaehyun fished something from his pocket which made Taeyong’s eyes widened in surprise upon seeing what it was. It was a white gold wedding band with little circles embedded on it, surrounded by diamonds.

Jaehyun took his hand and looked at him in the eyes softly. The place fell so quiet, it was possible to hear a feather falling on the ground. It was like all the people in there held their breath for the scene unfolding before their eyes. His heart raced in his chest oh so fast that he’s afraid everyone might hear it. He looked at Jaehyun’s face, his dimples that he loves so much playing on his cheeks, his eyes crinkling with adoration.

“The first time I saw you, I was awestruck of how beautiful you look. I never thought that someone could look that ethereally beautiful yet there you were, standing more beautiful than the sound of the rain in my ears. And here you are.” Jaehyun’s smile widened as he briefly grazed his fingers on his cheek. “But what struck me more was your kindness, your pure heart and genuine care for the people that you love. You are the kindest, most selfless person I've ever met. And this I vow to you—I vow to always see and appreciate the beauty and kindness you give to this world from inside and out.

When I fell in love with you, I thought that's it—I was in love, end of discussion. And then I fell some more when you called my name sweetly when you hid behind my back because you were so devastated by the dead frogs. After that, I thought again that it stops there but then we shared a kiss under the stars overlooking the city, making me fall harder than I already was. Just when I thought I was at the maximum point of loving you, you woke up in the middle of the night and saw that I was still up. You were half asleep when you smiled and sleepily said, ‘Jaehyunnie, you know I’m so in love with you, right?’ then went back to sleeping. That’s when I realized that I will always fall in love with you more than I did yesterday and the days, months and years before that. Because every time I think that I couldn’t love you more than I do at this moment, I know that I will love you more again when we wake up together tomorrow. And this I vow, to love you more and more each day as we spend every moment of our lifetime together.

You know that I treasure you the most, right? I’ll say this once more. If you’re hurt, my heart will be hurt. This I vow, to always understand you even when there are times that I don't. I vow to understand you in ways no one ever could, to look beyond what your eyes say and to listen more closely than what my ears hear from your words. I know we’ve hurt each other and felt pain more than anyone can comprehend but if I’m to be honest with you, being apart from you hurts more.

So trust me when I say that I will never let you go again. Because for all the things that my eyes have seen, your dazzling eyes will always be my favorite. Of all the sounds I’ve heard, your voice will always be the most mellifluous. For all the things I’ve ever done in my life, loving you will always be the best. Knowing that no matter how far we ought to be, the space or continents, no matter how long, we will always find our way back. That’s good as fate, right? We’re already fated so until death, let’s be fated. And this, my love, is what I vow to you, my heart is all yours—always have and always will.”

Jaehyun slid the ring on his finger, fitting so perfectly like it was meant to be placed there. His tantalizing eyes full of love and sincerity as he felt the heavy beating of his heart inside his chest and the butterfly festival in his guts.

Taeyong wanted to feel like the words are for him. Even just for this moment, he wanted to own the words, to pretend that the sincerity in Jaehyun’s eyes are for him. It’s not hard to do when the ears give him away, a flush of scarlet that is very hard to miss.

It’s not hard to pretend because the way he’s looking at him at this moment is the same way he looked at him before—when he looks at him intently, like every nerve of his is exposed, every imperfection is vulnerable and yet, there is just love and admiration in his eyes. It’s the same look he gave when he feels ugly because of sweat and wayward hair, loose oversized top and oily skin from cleaning his whole apartment and he goes to Jaehyun who is slumped on the sofa, scrolling through his phone and he nags him about him not doing the same amount of cleaning on his own condo unit and Jaehyun would suddenly stop and stare at his sweat-stricken, haggard face. He’ll ask him “What? Stop staring at me, I look like shit,” and he’ll continue to stare at him. Then he’ll ask again “Jaehyun, what?” And he’ll answer with his eyes looking like he’s staring at the most beautiful painting he’d ever laid his eyes on, “You’re so beautiful, Taeyong. So fucking gorgeous. What did I do to deserve you?” And he’ll blush amidst the sweat and cleaning materials on his hand, the loose, oversized shirt and wayward hair.

It’s not hard to pretend and so just for these few minutes, he will.

“I have always associated the rain with two extremes—the joy of meeting and the pain of leaving. It was raining when I experienced both. The rain itself has two extremes, the soft drizzle and a full-on rainstorm. But here’s the thing about rain. When it stops, it leaves a trail of lush greeneries and the earthly smell of petrichor is so overwhelming that you can feel nature embracing you.

I have always loved the sunshine, the summer and the sunsets. But when I met you, I realized that I love the drizzles of rain and cloudy days just the same when you taught me how to dance in it. You’re the raindrop that fell and grew love in my heart. You are the sound of heavy rain while I’m all cuddled up with my sheets while I sleep.

See, I’m a wedding planner. I’m used to being neat and organized. I’m used to planning ahead. I’m used to supervising so that the wedding will be smooth sailing. I boss around so that the wedding will go according to plan. That’s what I do. But with you, I don’t care about the uncertainties. With you, I want to be surprised. I don’t care if I’ve planned enough, I don’t care if not everything is perfect. I don’t care as long as I have you. With you, I don’t want to boss around, I want to be equal. Because as much as I’m a good wedding planner, loving you will always be what I do best. I know this because the moment I figured out that I was in love with you, I never stopped. You’ve always been the one who knows what’s going on with my head even I, myself, don't know. I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of, that I regret so much but seeing you here in front of our friends and families, somehow, I don’t care about the past anymore. The time we spent apart, carrying the weight of our pains because of decisions that we’ve come to regret, they feel so short now that I know that we’re gonna be spending the rest of our lives together.

I cannot promise you that our marriage will be perfect. I cannot promise you that we will not fight over stupid things. But this is what I promise you. I promise to never make the same mistake again and trust you with all my heart. I promise to stay with you on all the planned and unplanned waves. I promise to be your umbrella when you want to be sheltered from the rain or to be your partner when you want to dance in it. I promise to sit with you with cups of coffee in our hands as we listen to the rhythm of the falling rain. I promise to be the person who understands your heart the most and to love you so much more than I ever did before. I promise you, me. I love you, my Jaehyunnie.”

Jaehyun’s eyes sparkled with apparent joy as he listened to what he said. “Your Jaehyunnie?”

“I-I m-mean…”

Jaehyun gave him a crinkly soft laugh, his dimples showing, making his whole being dance with joy. “What’s next? Is it the part where the officiant will say ‘You may now kiss?’”

Just then, Jungwoo came close to them while wiping a tear from his eye. “God, I can’t believe the most beautiful vows I’ve ever heard are from two people who aren’t even together. Are you both sure you don’t want to get back together? You still can, you know. The wedding is still in two-three weeks. Jaehyun, you can still drop everything.”

“Jungwoo!” Taeyong’s eyes widened in shock and embarrassment from Jungwoo’s words. He really is a devil in disguise.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding! So, do you also want to practice the ‘You may now kiss the groom’ part or what?”

Taeyong lightly hit Jungwoo with the fake bouquet. “Pack it up, you little shit. The rehearsal ends here.”

—————

The group decided to eat at a seafood restaurant by the sea nearby. They were currently laughing at what Johnny said when his phone notified him of a message. It was from Kai, his senior in university whom he met again by chance at one of the weddings he planned.

 **Kai:** Hey. I saw Jungwoo’s post. You’re currently here in Sokcho?

 **Taeyong:** Yeah. Wedding rehearsal of my client. Why?

 **Kai:** That’s cool. I am currently in the place, too. Are you busy?

“Who are you texting?” Jungwoo peeped at his phone to see who it was.

“Kai. He said he’s here in Sokcho, too. He saw your post,” he answered.

“Really? What is he doing here? Invite him to join us!”

“Hmm. I don’t know—Oh right, I remember he told me that his grandparents live here.”

“Invite him, hyung. I want to see chaos unfold,” Jungwoo nudged with a sly smile on his face.

He stared at him in confusion. “Chaos? What are you talking about?”

“Just invite him.”

“Invite who?” Ten chimed.

“Kai hyung is in the area.”

“Kai hyung? Oh! Invite him!”

“Who’s Kai?” Yuta asked, joining their little conversation.

“Taeyong’s potential boyfriend,” Ten answered, which earned a gasp from Taeyong.

“Shut up, Ten. He’s not.”

“He could be if you just open your eyes.”

Jaehyun looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “The senior from your dance club? That Kai?”

Taeyong met his stare with a surprised smile. “Yeah, actually. I’m surprised you remember him.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “How could I not? He kept on eyeing you out even when we started dating.”

“That is so not true. I told you, you were just imagining it.”

“He so was. Why do you think I’m always 20 minutes early to fetch you every time you have dance practice? That guy likes you.”

Taeyong raised his eyebrows at him. “Oh, so you’re saying you only went to my dance practices because you feel threatened by Kai?”

“No!” Jaehyun exclaimed. “Of course I was there to support you. And why the hell would I be threatened?”

“Well, have you seen Kai hyung dance? That face and body? That man is a dance god. And it’s natural for a dancer like Taeyong to feel attracted to a dance god. Like seriously, have you seen him?” Ten said.

Jaehyun threw him an annoyed look. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to thirst about?”

“Nah, I’m with Ten on this one, man. That guy’s awesome.” Johnny nodded his head.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Not the point. All I’m saying is he’s been lurking around you even if he knew we were together already.”

Taeyong blew out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, Jaehyun. I’m not having this same conversation with you again.”

“You’re still talking to him after all these years?”

“We just met each other at his friend’s wedding months ago. I was the wedding planner, he was a guest. Wait, why am I explaining to you?”

Jaehyun pursed his lips. _What is he being so cute for? I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t like you anymore!_

“You’re not,” Jaehyun answered. “You’re just answering my question.”

“Right.”

“Fine.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Sure.”

“Great.”

Their friends were all looking at them with raised eyebrows, amusement etched all over their faces.

“Are they seriously arguing about someone and something from seven years ago?” Doyoung asked suddenly.

“I told you, chaos.” Jungwoo smirked at the two.

“Jungwoo, your mind.” Ten high-fived with Jungwoo.

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“There’s the one you’re fighting about.” Sicheng pointed his lips at an approaching Kai who was walking towards their table while waving his hand. Taeyong waved back to him with a smile.

“How did he know I was here?” He whispered.

“Oh I replied to him using your phone while you were having a lover’s quarrel with Jaehyun. He’s also in the area,” Jungwoo answered.

“Jungwoo!”

“Hey Tae,” Kai said and gave him a quick hug. He waved at Sicheng, Jungwoo and Doyoung and nodded on Jaehyun, Johnny, Yuta, Mark, Lucas, Xiaojun and Hendery.

“Hey, glad you could make it here Kai hyung.”

“Yeah, I was in the area.”

Kai sat on the empty chair next to him. “Kai, this is Johnny, Yuta, Jaehyun, Mark, Lucas, Xiaojun and Hendery. ” The group shook his hand while Jaehyun just nodded in recognition.

Taeyong glared at Jaehyun.

“What?” He shrugged.

The food arrived as they eat and chatted with each other, loud laughters emanating from their tables as they eat the sumptuous seafoods.

“Must be nice to be a wedding planner,” Kai eventually said. “You see romance every day. You get to plan the beginning of a couple’s lifelong commitment and all those romantic stuff.”

“Don’t be deceived. Wedding planners have a curse.” Ten said while shaking his head.

“They do? What curse?”

“Well, Kai hyung. If you can see, we have three wedding planners here and all of them are single. That’s the curse.”

“Okay, no. I did not ask to be attacked like this,” Jungwoo protested as the group laughed except for the three single wedding planners.

“Better find your own soon, Doie and Woo. Taeyong’s about to have one. Am I right, Kai hyung?” Ten mischievously implied.

They were all startled when Jaehyun began smashing the crabs on the hard table. “Sorry, the shell is kinda hard to open,” he said while shrugging as they all stared at the poor crabs on the table.

“Huh? It’s not though? They’re all pre-cracked before they were served to us,” Johnny pointed out.

Yuta started laughing loudly on his seat. “Sorry, the crabs are just...so funny.”

“Shut up, Nakamoto.” Jaehyun glared at Yuta to which the latter just laughed louder.

“That’s a beautiful ring,” Kai smiled at the ring in Taeyong’s finger.

“Oh! Sorry, Jaehyun. I forgot to take it off.” Taeyong removed the ring on his finger. “Here,” he tried to hand the ring back to Jaehyun.

“Keep it for now. We’re eating,” Jaehyun replied.

“O-okay.” Taeyong was about to put the ring inside his bag when Jaehyun stopped him.

“Wear it on your finger. It might get lost.”

They stared at each other for a while before Taeyong put the ring back on his finger again.

————

The group decided to buy coffee from a nearby coffeehouse before heading back to the city.

“Cappuccino for me, thank you,” Taeyong told the person behind the counter getting their orders.

Jaehyun’s voice materialized behind him. “Cappuccino? You only order caramel macchiato at coffee shops.”

“Yeah, well. This is me starting to try new things,” he said without meeting his gaze.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I’m sticking with the old ones. The old ones are the greatest. One americano, three shots with breve for me, thank you.”

“Coming right up.”

Taeyong turned to face him. “Old ones that we got used to are great. But you’ll never know the possibility of the other choices if you keep on ordering the same choice. Okay, whatever. All I’m saying is that I think it’s time for me to try something new.”

“Cappuccino for Taeyong!” 

Taeyong walked towards the counter to get his order. “I’ll join the rest of the group,” he told Jaehyun and left.

“Kai hyung, are you going back to the city, too?” Taeyong heard Ten asked Kai when he joined them.

“Yeah. I’m going back, too.”

“You’re driving alone, right? Take Taeyong with you. We’re full in our car.”

Taeyong turned to Ten confusedly. “What? We all fit when we got here.”

“Yeah, hyung. It’s too crowded. Go ride with Kai hyung’s car.” Jungwoo pushed him towards Kai.

“Is it crowded there? You can ride shotgun in my car, Yong,” Jaehyun said, suddenly joining their conversation.

“Uh, Jae.” Johnny scratched his head. “We all tagged along in your car. If any car’s crowded, it’s ours.”

“No, Yuta can slouch at the back.”

“Dude!” Yuta grumbled, looking mortified at Jaehyun.

Taeyong laughed. “It’s alright, guys. I’ll go with Kai so he won’t be bored driving alone. Let’s go.”

“But Yong—“

Yuta put his arms on Jaehyun’s shoulders and guided him towards the latter’s car. “Come on, Jae. Next time, buy a freaking bus.” 

—————

“Jaehyun is your ex-boyfriend, right? I remember from college,” Kai asked while they were driving back to the city.

“Yeah, he was my boyfriend,” he answered.

“And you’re both cool that you’re planning his wedding?”

“Well, it’s a job. That’s all it is.”

“You know, if I didn’t know he’s getting married, I might think he’s in love with you.”

Taeyong bursted out laughing. “What? That’s crazy.”

“No, really. You should’ve seen the way he looked at us. If looks could kill, I would be lying face pressed on the floor. Oh look, he’s trying to get in line with us.”

He looked at Jaehyun’s car trying to be in the same lane as theirs. “He’s just...a fast driver.”

“Hmm. I like to believe you’re not that dense, Taeyong. You're just cautious.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you just don't want to believe in the possibility that your ex boyfriend who is about to get married is still in love with you.”

“Come on. As you said, he’s getting married. Why would he still be in love with me when I’m sure he’s in love with a beautiful woman and they’re about to have a beautiful wedding in a beautiful place and have a beautiful life together?”

“That’s a lot of beautiful in one sentence. But what I’m saying is, maybe you're seeing it too but you don't want to believe it because you don't want to set your hopes high and have it come crashing down on you since he’s getting married.”

Taeyong stared at him for a while. “Where are you getting all these theories?”

“We hang out a lot, too, Taeyong. And I’ve never seen you light up for all those times except for now. You...radiate. I think I haven’t seen you like that since we were both in university when you two were together.”

Taeyong fell silent, eyes remaining in front of the road while his mind kept on running through rambunctious thoughts.

“I just want to say that I’m your friend, too,” Kai continued. ”I know you have a lot of friends but if you need someone without any connection to Jaehyun, I’m your guy. I mean, you’ve seen how he glared at me the whole time.” Kai chuckled. 

Taeyong smiled at him softly. “Thank you. I really appreciate it, Kai.”

“You’re still wearing the ring,” Kai pointed out. 

“Oh! Oh my God, I forgot to give it back!”

“Don’t you find it weird that you’re wearing the ring that he’s supposed to give to his bride?”

“Don’t get it wrong. We just had his rehearsal a while ago. I filled in for a while.”

Kai nodded his head lightly. “Then don’t you find it weirder that the ring fits exactly on your ring finger? I’m pretty sure your hands are bigger than those of the bride.”

Taeyong was stunned for a moment. “I, um. I’m pretty sure it’s just a coincidence. I’ll return this to him tomorrow.”

Taeyong stared at the ring on his finger. It was a gorgeous ring which exudes luxury. The diamonds sparkle beautifully as the light hits them. Jaehyun really has excellent taste.

“Taeyong, are you genuinely okay?” Kai asked, making him stop admiring the ring.

“Honestly? I’m not. I think I really haven’t been okay since I saw him enter the doors of our office when he came back. I’m not fine being his wedding planner because I honestly believe that this is such a masochistic thing to do, even for me. Still, I want to do it for him. I can't tell my friends that I’m not okay seeing Jaehyun again and knowing that he’s getting married because they worry a lot and I understand that. They’ve seen what our breakup did to me before. I just—I love them, I don't want to worry them more. But yeah, to answer your question, I’m not okay.”

“You’re still very much in love with him after all these years.”

Taeyong's smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. No point in denying it. I’m in love with a man who is about to get married in two to three weeks. It’s scary, you know.”

“What is?”

Taeyong’s gaze dropped on his own hands. “The intensity of what I feel for him. What if Jaehyun is the only person I can love like this? What if the next person that I will love, I can only give a mediocre amount since I've poured it all on Jaehyun? What if I can't love the next person the same way that I love Jaehyun? I’m scared that I love him so much, I can’t love another person the same way ever again.”

“You really won’t love the next person the same way, Taeyong. You’ll love them differently. We can't give the same amount of love to different people. And that’s the way it should be. Love is not something that is mass produced in a factory for us to give out to other people in the exact, similar amount. The love we give is customized for each person that we fall in love with.”

“What if he’s the only person I will ever love?” He asked.

Kai looked at him briefly and smiled then averted his eyes back at the road. “You know, sometimes life will make you feel like there is only one person to love in this world for each of us and then suddenly, you’ll surprise yourself. You’ll eventually find somebody else. When you do, you’ll wonder why you were ever worried in the first place. And when you finally open your eyes to that realization, you’ll notice the long line waiting for you. The line of people who are all waiting for you to open your heart and notice them.”

Taeyong laughed. “I sincerely doubt there’s a line.”

“You don’t know how amazing you are, do you? Because trust me Taeyong, there is. And when you do, you’ll see that I’ve been in front of this line for so long just waiting for you.”

Taeyong stared at Kai long enough for his words to actually set. “You are?”

“I am.”

Taeyong nodded his head lightly and smiled at him. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes. For those who don’t know, they actually said “(In the future, I want) to be the person who understands your heart the most” and the “You know that I treasure you the most, right? I’ll say this once more. If you’re hurt, my heart will be hurt” and “We’re already fated so until death, let’s be fated” to each other 🥺🥺🥺  
> 
> 
> “Next update will probably take a while. Kinda busy with some things and there are just a loooooooot of NCT contents lately, I’ve been screaming and barking for the past weeks!!! Let’s all support NCT 2020!!!”
> 
> [NCT 2020 IS COMING!](https://twitter.com/nctsmtown/status/1309452588656422912?s=21)  
> [ Twitter: @airypeaches](https://twitter.com/airypeaches)  
> 


	17. Old Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s been so long, I AM SO SORRY!!!
> 
> Also, I am sorry in advance for this chapter. 🥴 But everything will make sense as you read... I hope??? Anyway, for reference to the tux, just search 190823 Jaeyong.
> 
> Okay, here we go again with the rain.

Taeyong was chatting with Sicheng when Jaehyun entered the shop, looking so handsome in a white knitted sweater, black pants and matching chelsea boots as his hair fell lazily on his forehead. He was scheduled for the fitting of his tuxedo that he’ll be wearing for his wedding today and as planned, Sicheng would be the stylist for the entourage. The rest of the entourage from the groom’s side were done with the fitting, all already went home with the exception of Yuta who said will just come by tomorrow alone. 

“Hey. Am I late?” The man asked as he entered the door, ruffling his hair from the light drizzle outside.

“Um, yes actually. Where were you?” he replied, averting his eyes from the handsome man. 

“I’m so sorry, I had to meet with someone really important,” he said, looking really apologetic.

“It’s fine” he answered, offering him a soft smile. “We let the others do their fittings first so you’re actually just right on time. I was just talking to Sicheng here to clear some stuff about your wedding.”

Sicheng waved his hand upon the mention of his name. “Nice to see you again, Jae. Here’s your tux for the wedding. Try it on over there.” Sicheng motioned him to go inside the fitting room.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun said as he walked towards the room.

Sicheng turned to him as they waited for Jaehyun to change. “Do you have anything to wear for the wedding?” 

Taeyong frowned, crossing his arms. “Of course. My usual clothes. Do I need to think about it?”

“Chill,” he laughed as he playfully straightened the knot on his forehead. “I was just asking. I thought you might want to wear something out of your usual. It’s the wedding of your ex boyfriend, after all.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m his wedding planner. The only thing I should be thinking is to perfectly get his wedding over with.”

Sicheng was about to laugh again but immediately stopped when Taeyong narrowed his eyes at him. “Okay, okay. Jeez, relax. Haven’t seen his bride yet?”

“Not yet. Haven’t even talked to her.”

He tilted his head in slight confusion. “Huh. Weird. The wedding is in less than two weeks.”

“Yeah, well. The only thing she needs to do is to show up, I guess.”

“Right. Woah. You sure you don’t want to wear something else at the wedding?” Sicheng pointed at Jaehyun who has now changed into a champagne-colored silk tuxedo with white dress shirt inside and a matching silk pants and white bow tie. It brought out the luxurious feel on his face and body. Taeyong stood motionless upon the sight. 

“So, how is it?” Jaehyun asked, combing his hair upwards with his fingers. “Do I look okay?”

Taeyong remained unmoving, eyes blinking rapidly and completely aware how his mouth was hanging slightly open but couldn't will himself to close it. It was as if he was in a trance because Jaehyun looks like someone whom the statues of greek gods are inspired by. He’d always known that Jaehyun is handsome, it’s a well-known fact, something that is irrefutable. But there’s something about him wearing a champagne-colored silk suit with his hair brushed up that makes his heart jump in awe at the sight.

Sicheng elbowed him lightly, waking him up on his little daydream. “Um, uh. Y-you look...really dashing, Jaehyunnie. Very exquisite. Gorgeous. You look like a very handsome groom.” Taeyong has a lot more adjectives to say but he held his tongue. God, Jaehyun really looked like a prince. A dazzling prince at that. Now all he needs is a white horse to melt all the hearts in the kingdom of a faraway land—except his heart is already melted and he’s just inside Sicheng’s shop.

“Thank you, Yongie.” Jaehyun gave him his warm, crinkly smile leaving him breathless.

_Oh God, why am I acting like a freaking teenager?!_

“Why don’t you try this one, Tae?” Sicheng handed him a white tuxedo jacket embroidered with beautiful silver-colored intricate designs that looks like champagne-colored when hit by a light and a matching white trousers, dress shirt and bow tie.

He shook his head. “No, it’s alright. I don’t—“

“Just try it on, Tae. I want to see it,” Sicheng insisted, lightly shoving the clothes on his hands.

“Yes, Yong. Try it on,” Jaehyun nudged.

Taeyong stared at the clothes on his hands. “I—um. Okay.” _No harm in trying it on, I guess._

He walked towards the fitting room and put the clothes on. It actually matches with the one Jaehyun was wearing—the champagne details and the silk fabric. He stared at his reflection on the mirror.

_Will I ever wear my own wedding tux?_

He took a deep breath before stepping out of the fitting room, walking towards where Sicheng and Jaehyun were standing, looking at him with smiles on their faces.

“Wow,” Jaehyun mused, looking dumbfounded from where he was standing

“You should definitely wear that at your own wedding, Tae. It looks perfect on you,” Sicheng beamed.

He laughed. “Well, you should keep it hidden in an antique dresser or something, then. My wedding’s not gonna happen anytime soon.”

“You don’t know that,” Jaehyun muttered.

His eyebrows raised at that. “What do you mean by that?”

They looked at each other eye to eye. Jaehyun looked like he’s holding something back which made him more curious, raising his eyebrow even higher. The man remained unmoving and he could feel that he wanted to say something but he’s not saying a single word.

“Wooh,” Sicheng mused, making their staring game come to a halt. “Damn, you could cut the tension in here with a knife. You know what, I just noticed that you two are matching clothes with those tux.”

“So? It doesn’t mean anything,” he said.

“Or maybe it means something because I swear, I didn’t pick that up for you on purpose.”

Taeyong looked at him like he’s crazy. “You’ve been hanging out with Jungwoo a lot, that's why you’re spouting nonsense, too, Sicheng. I’m going to get changed.” 

He walked towards the fitting room again but he didn’t miss the words that Jaehyun whispered to Sicheng. “Reserve that tux, he might wear it soon enough.”

_Huh? Did I hear him right? I really need to get my ears checked._

————————

“Do you have any more places to go today?” Jaehyun asked. They were currently in Jaehyun’s car, the younger offering to drive him home since he didn’t bring his own car with him.

“None. I only have your tux fitting scheduled for today,” he answered as he buckled his seatbelt.

“Okay. You’re coming with me, then,” he said, starting the car.

He shook his head. “I can’t. I have to meet someone.”

“You just said you only have my tux fitting today.”

“Yes, for work. The person I’m meeting is outside of work.”

The other threw a questioning look at him. “Who are you meeting, then?”

“Jaehyun, the things I do and people I meet on my own personal time are none of your business,” he huffed, crossing his arms at his seat. 

Jaehyun leaned on him as close as his seatbelt permitted him to do when they stopped at a red light. His eyes placed him under an intense gaze, willing him to look directly at his face and not at anything else. “What if I want to make it my business?”

Taeyong blinked rapidly, swallowing an invisible lump in his throat and breath hitching due to the intense gaze that was possibly piercing his soul at the moment. “H-how in the hell will you make it your business?”

“I did say I care about you, right? And I do care, like you have no idea.” Jaehyun smiled lopsidedly as he turned his eyes back on the road, stepping on the pedal when the lights turned green, like he didn’t just make his heart feel like he’s being chased by a fast cheetah.

He cleared his throat and took a clandestine shake of his head to clear it before answering. “Then stop caring. I don’t need you to care.”

Jaehyun smiled but kept his eyes on the road. “I can’t. It’s an automatic response.”

Taeyong stared at him for a moment, mouth remaining agape as he tried to find the words to answer him but nothing came out. Jaehyun just returned his stares with a scrunch of his nose, making all the annoyance building up inside him to vanish. _So fucking adorable._

He rolled his eyes and tried to restrain the smile threatening to break from his face. “You’re annoying, you know that?”

Jaehyun just shrugged. “I was told. So who are you meeting?”

“I’m meeting Kai,” he answered nonchalantly.

Jaehyun’s face morphed into an apparent annoyance. “Again? Can you tell me something? Do you like that guy?”

“Kai is not hard to like,” he answered, which is true. Kai is one of the kindest people he knows. He’s sweet with his nieces and nephews, adores his mother, and has a good heart for all people. He’s also a great dancer and very, very attractive. His handsome face with his glorious body is honestly just a bonus considering how good a person he is. And Taeyong knows and admits that Kai is perfect, to be honest. If he’s not in love with Jaehyun for all these years, he would’ve seen that Kai actually liked him the way Jaehyun said. Kai never said anything and Taeyong is not the kind of person to assume those kinds of things so he never knew. Now that he knows what the other feels toward him, he’s considering that maybe, it’s now time to finally introduce himself to some new things. As he told Jaehyun, he’ll never know the possibility of the new choices if he keeps on coming back to the old ones. And Kai likes him and he likes him, too. Maybe not the same way but who knows, right, now that he’s seeing him in a new light? He’s not hard to like romantically. As he said, Kai is perfect.

 _He’s perfect. It’s just that...he’s not Jaehyun._ And damn his heart for desperately wanting who it wants.

Jaehyun raised his eyebrow, giving him an unconvinced look. “Uhuh. Is that why after all these years you still didn’t like the man back? End the man’s misery, Yong.”

“Well, I didn’t know he liked me a different way,” he answered.

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun turned to face him, eyes bulging in surprise. “Did he—did he confess to you?!”

“Eyes on the road, Jae!” He scolded him and the latter quickly averted his eyes back on the road. “Somehow. Yeah. I might try this thing with him, who knows? Try something new.”

“Don’t,” Jaehyun said firmly, his knuckles clenching harder on the steering wheel. 

“What?” He asked, confused. 

“Don’t meet with him.”

Taeyong sighed. _What is his problem?_ “Again, Jaehyun, let me reiterate that you have no say in what I do with my personal life.”

Jaehyun just nodded. “I know. That’s why I’m asking you—not demanding—to ditch him. Go with me today.”

“Jaehyun, I can’t just leave people hanging like that.”

“Really?” Jaehyun asked.

Silence ensued and he knew that Jaehyun didn’t mean for that single word to bring back bitter feelings but he still flinched upon the uttered word. “Yeah, not anymore.”

Jaehyun’s gaze softened. “Taeyong, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “Just...Just go with me today, Yong. Will you go with me? Please? Please go with me? I’ll treat you to an ice cream. Pretty please?” 

Taeyong stared at him blankly. “Are you a child? And where are we going?” 

“I want to show you something. I’m sure you haven’t seen it in so long.”

“Where?”

“Just say you’ll go with me then you’ll find out.”

He sighed. “Jaehyun, I have a prior commitment.”

The man just nodded, pressing his lips together which made his dimples appear. “Your choice, then. But wow, that place really remained breathtaking. I know you would want to see it again. Your choice, though. I don’t want to get in the way of your—that’s not a date, right? Okay, whatever that is which is clearly _not_ a date. I’m just saying that you would really want to see this but whatever, right? Your choice.”

Freaking reverse psych shit. And damn those dimples. They are a menace to his self-control.

He reached for his phone in his bag and dialed Kai’s number. “Hey Tae, what’s up?” Kai answered on the other line.

“Hey, Kai. I’m sorry, I need to do a rain check for tonight. Something important came up.”

“Oh, okay. Is everything alright?” He asked and he could hear the genuine worry in his voice, making him feel guilty. “I can go to you if you need any help.”

“No, that’s fine. I can handle it. Let’s just reschedule. Again, I’m sorry.” _Really, really sorry Kai!_

“It’s alright. I understand. Take care, Tae.”

“You too.”

Taeyong ended the phone call and saw that Jaehyun had a sheepish smile on his face. “ _‘Something important came up’_? I always knew I’m important.”

He rolled his eyes at him as he returned the phone inside his bag. “Shut up. You’re still annoying.”

Taeyong watched as the younger made a turn on a familiar road where he hasn’t been in for years. “Jaehyun, this is the road going to the overlooking.”

Jaehyun beamed, smiling brightly at him. “Glad you still remember.”

“Why are you taking me there?”

“Just... old habits?” Jaehyun answered, throwing him a meaningful look. “Old habits die hard, Yong. You could say that.”

—————————

“Wow, this view never fails to amaze me.” Taeyong’s eyes feasted on the picturesque view of the city landscape. He and Jaehyun always went here before either just in time to watch the sunset or at night to look at the city lights blink before their eyes. 

There’s no sunset today because the sun was nowhere to be seen, the clouds reigning the sky on its stead.

“Beautiful, right? Breathtakingly gorgeous.” He met Jaehyun’s gaze whose eyes were fixed on his face alone, his dimpled smile sending his body in a haywire. “I just want to take you here now because the next time you’ll come here, there will be a lot of construction work going on.”

“Oh? You’re building what?”

“A house, Yongie.”

He’s finally building a house in one of Taeyong’s favorite places. “Wow, that’s...wow. That’s good for you, Jaehyun.”

“Do you like it?” He asked, the smile still plastered on his face.

“I don’t see how my opinion will matter here.”

“Of course it will matter. It will be your house, too.”

He looked at him confusedly. “What? What are you talking about?”

Jaehyun took a deep breath before answering. “Taeyong, I need to confess something about this wedding.”

“What? You’re making me nervous, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun reached for his hand, holding it firmly as he looked into his eyes. “Yongie, to tell you the truth,this whole wedding—“ Jaehyun was cut off by the sudden drops of water falling on them, making them both look up in the sky. The raindrops become bigger and there’s suddenly a downpour of rain.

“Get to the car, Yong. Quick!” They both ran towards the car that was parked at least twenty steps away from them. It was suddenly raining so hard that the surroundings got really dark.

“Are you okay? Did you get soaked in the rain? I think I have some spare clothes here, wait let me check.” Jaehyun rummaged through his stuff on the backseat.

“I’m fine Jae.”

“Let’s stay here for a while. The road downhill is slippery.”

Jaehyun continued to look for his spare clothes at the backseat. “Here, I found it. Get changed, you might get sick.” He was helping him wipe his hair and his face that got wet in the rain when their eyes met. The man stopped what he was doing and looked at him deep in the eyes that he felt like his whole being was unraveling right before their eyes. The atmosphere became heavy with something unconveyed yet strong enough to send him into a frenzy of emotions.

He met Jaehyun’s eyes which were asking for permission and as much as Taeyong wanted to say no, he knew that it’s already a lost battle because his heart, mind and body were all shouting yes in unison. The younger’s lips brushed against his, so delicately soft, like a butterfly fluttering its wings and oh how he missed it, longed for it, craved for it. He felt the warmth spreading through his chest, crawling to the tips of his fingers like drinking a hot coffee on a cold morning. It was the feeling that he buried on the deepest part of his being only to find out that he didn’t bury it deep enough. And that’s the thing with burying feelings. Sometimes we try to dig and dig just to hide what we feel only to be surprised that the things that we buried comes with seeds, discovering along the way that we didn’t just bury the feeling; we planted it and now it has bloomed.

“Jaehyun, this is wrong,” he whispered when their lips parted to meet each other’s gaze.

Jaehyun’s hands cupped his face softly, like he was afraid it's going to break with the slightest touch. “Trust me love, this is the rightest thing to do.”

The rightest thing to do is to stop him. But all he could ever think about is that the man that he loves so much is getting married soon and he’s about to lose him forever. He can never forgive himself if he won’t let himself be with Jaehyun like this for the last time. Even just for tonight, just for the last time, he will let loose and do what he really wanted and longed to do for all the years that have passed. 

Jaehyun held his waist and pulled him closer against him, deepening the kiss. He knows that there is a possibility that he might regret this when the moment passes but he can’t bring himself to stop, not when he’s having the two things he loves the most at that very moment—the sound of the rain and Jaehyun’s lips on his. 

The kiss became aggressive. It was as if they’re making up for all the kisses they’ve missed while they were apart. Jaehyun slid his tongue inside Taeyong’s mouth for which Taeyong stifled a moan. He felt feverish, every touch was burning his skin, every sensation was driving his body to pure and utter bliss. His lips traveled slowly to his jaw and down to his neck, making him grab a handful of Jaehyun’s hair and pull it lightly, making the other man groan in pleasure. 

Jaehyun stopped and stared at his eyes intently, asking for permission to do more and as much as Taeyong’s rational part wanted to say no, his head was already tilting in affirmation, giving Jaehyun the access that they both wanted. He didn’t know how he pulled him closer, lifting him from the passenger seat onto his lap. He adjusted the seat to let him have more space to make him comfortable and he could only thank the heavens for making Jaehyun afford an expensive yet very spacious car because now they have more room to do what their bodies want them to.

As Jaehyun’s lips feasted on his exposed collarbone while his palm was pressing on the fogged window by the driver’s seat, he was reminded of a conversation they once had the very first time he brought him to this place. 

_“I think I‘m falling for you like how meteorites fall,” Jaehyun said as he searched for his eyes, intense gaze meeting him. “I’m falling for you fast and unstoppable.”_

_Taeyong thought if the pounding in his ribcage is still bearable or he badly needs to go to the hospital because damn. “Well, don’t fall for me like that. Because when meteorites fall, it’s catastrophic.”_

And it was indeed catastrophic. When a meteorite falls, it makes an impact to where it lands—a crater, explosions, fire, even a disintegrated nation. Five years and a million tears later, he can still feel the aftershock of the fall.

It was raining when they first saw each other. It was raining when they parted. And it was raining again as their bodies reunited, pressed against each other, like puzzle pieces finally falling into place—like a wine stored in a cellar, hidden just to be taken out to taste even better.

Taeyong knows he can never justify what he’s doing. He won’t. It was forbidden. It was sinful. And as the rain poured heavily outside the confines of the car, the shattering of his heart bled with it. But despite the war inside him, he can never deny the pleasure, the bliss and most importantly, the love. Because if the truth is to be laid, there’s no place he’d rather be than where he was right now, sitting on Jaehyun’s lap with their bodies pressed against each other, making love and making sounds to be drowned by the drip drops of the rain. And if he could make a wish that is guaranteed to be granted, he will wish for this moment not to end because Jaehyun was right, it does feel like the rightest thing to do.

Jaehyun kissed every skin that was exposed as he unbuttoned his shirt. He felt his hands traveling down his back in a soft caress, making him shiver with pleasure. He loved it so much, it’s terrifying and captivating at the same time. 

“Baby.” _Fuck._ “I missed you so much.” _I’m fucking screwed._

His lips met his once more. See, kissing Jaehyun was his old habit. And it’s so easy to slip into old habits, especially habits that you loved doing, habits that stuck around despite the years that have passed, just waiting for an opportunity to wreak havoc again. It’s easy to be sucked into habits that never really left in the first place.

And as Jaehyun had said, old habits die hard. But some habits don’t die—they are immortalized in the form of a set of dimples, crescent eyes, full cheeks, smooth skin. His old habit is in the shape of a 180cm tall man with a strong build, whose kisses leave him gasping for more and whose touches leave his skin burning with pleasure. Jaehyun was, is, and always will be his habit. 

It’s really thought-evoking how a single graze of his lips against his can ignite the fire within their souls. Jaehyun touched him like how he used to and his skin welcomed every touch like they never left. It was like the flames of fire that they thought had died, not knowing that one blow to the embers would bring it back to life. And now he understood why an ember is considered deadly despite its small size. Just one touch and he’s back to giving Jaehyun everything he has, throwing reason to the farthest place possible. 

Taeyong grabbed Jaehyun’s hand and put his fingers in his mouth, sucking on it, his tongue playing with the fingers and moaning as he felt them push back. Jaehyun used the same fingers to probe on his entrance and he readied himself for the raw pleasure. He felt him inside, his back arching because it hurts just the way he likes it. His fingers dug on Jaehyun’s exposed shoulders, his lips parted but no words were coming out of his mouth.

“Baby, are you okay?”

Taeyong just hummed in response and nodded repeatedly, eyes closed as he adjusted himself from the intrusion that he hasn't felt for so long. “Yeah. Just move, Jaehyun.”

He opened him up, circling, poking. It made him smile upon realizing that Jaehyun still knows what skin to touch and what spot to hit to make Taeyong feel most pleasured. 

“Lay back,” he ordered as he pumped Jaehyun’s dick while pushing him back. He adjusted his position and as he felt Jaehyun entering him softly, he offered himself completely. Their moans filled the car as he rode Jaehyun, the latter digging bruises on his hips and thighs, calling each other’s names, sweats trickling as their breathy moans fogged the windows. His heart swelled on the sensation, heartbeat dancing in the rain falling outside the confines of the car. Jaehyun feels _so_ good inside him.

It’s actually baffling how his body still remembers the feeling of being filled by Jaehyun’s cock in his ass. It made him desperate for more, leaning forward to kiss the man while riding him. He’s hungry for his touch. He’s ecstatic to feel him inside again and he’s in a fucking daze, the sound of their skins slapping making him more turned on and feeling delirious. It was like a volcano which has been dormant for so long and then suddenly decided that it was done sleeping and it’s now time to erupt, spewing everything built up inside and letting it out.

He didn’t want to stop, not even now that he feels his legs shaking. He can feel that he’s close, moving faster as his body tensed, bouncing up and down while Jaehyun’s hands traveled from his waist to his dick, pumping, making him finally reach his peak as he comes on Jaehyun’s hands and chest while moaning his name. Jaehyun rammed his dick upwards to his ass a little bit more before finally coming inside him, too. Jaehyun readjusted the seat so now they’re both sitting again, his hands on the other’s neck while Jaehyun’s were snaked on his back.

The sound of them catching their heavy breaths filled the car. Jaehyun pressed their foreheads together and stared at his eyes lovingly. He moved closer, noses touching each other until he could feel the air coming from his mouth to his, making him close his eyes in response. Jaehyun planted a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. It was their kiss from before after a passionate round of lovemaking. It was the gentle, quick kiss before Jaehyun leaves his apartment or the other way around. It was the same light, abrupt kiss to make him stop talking when he’s nagging too much about cleaning again. It was their kiss—the soft, quick kiss that felt like a habit they’re going to do for the rest of their lives. 

——————————————

Taeyong woke up with a start. He slowly opened his eyes, remembering that Jaehyun took him to his condo unit after, well, after what happened between them, the car and the rain. He felt Jaehyun’s hand resting on his waist while the latter looked like an angel sleeping soundly. 

He stared at his peaceful face with a sad smile. He remembered the night they shared, the reason why he’s all sore and naked. Tears started welling from the corners of his eyes. He felt guilty because no matter how much he racks his brain, he doesn’t feel any regret that he gave everything to Jaehyun last night—all his love and his body. 

It was a night he knew too damn well that he would cherish forever despite knowing that it was wrong in the first place. He hasn’t even met Thalia yet but he’d already done something to her that he needs to apologize for. He exhaled in frustration. _This is what you get when you give in to the fire. You get burned._

Another tear escaped his eye as he cupped Jaehyun’s face, taking the peaceful sight and embedding it on his mind just like all the memories of Jaehyun he stored there that never really left; the memories he had never really let go no matter how many times other people told him to. ‘ _How can you move on if you’re still thinking about him? Let it all go.’ ‘You’re better off without those memories, Taeyong. Learn to accept the fact that it’s gone then let it go and move on.’_

So he let everyone believe that he did to the point that even he, himself, believed his own false pretenses. He stopped talking about him even if he can feel his heart constrict every time he hears jazz music being played because he remembers Jaehyun’s hands on his waist as he pulled him in to dance in his kitchen while Jaehyun sings. He doesn’t say a word every time he meets his friends in a coffeehouse and they order cafe americano and he remembers how Jaehyun would chug it down like water and his face would be distorted in disgust knowing how bitter it tastes but Jaehyun would just laugh at his expression. He kept his silence every time it rains, just smiling sadly as he opens his palms to feel the raindrops touching his skin. He pretended to let it all go and maybe his friends knew that all the pretensions were in vain but he appreciated that they didn’t say anything because he can’t let it go. He can’t just let their memories go. He won’t.

He had always thought that letting go of memories is so overrated. 

They’re just memories. It's not like he’s clinging on to them like his life depended on it; like they’re all he ever wanted to hold onto for the rest of his life. He thinks about these memories from time to time because at some point in his life, even just for those two years, those memories made him very happy. And at the back of his mind, he wanted to have those memories again even if it’s with another person; to feel what he felt when he was there, because those were pleasant feelings. So he let himself hold on to those memories. It's not because he doesn’t want to move on or he can't. It just feels really, really nice to remember that he’s capable of the kind of happiness that giving his heart to another person brings.

Letting go of memories is so overrated. Letting go of the person isn’t. It’s what he should’ve done.

His fingers lightly traced Jaehyun’s closed eyes, down to his nose, circling his thumb softly at his slightly parted lips. And maybe this is what all the romance books and love songs meant when they said that love is timeless. When time has lost all its essence because it doesn't make sense that he was only with Jaehyun for two years and yet those two years transcended all the years of his life that he wasn’t with him. He had him for two years and never stopped loving him even when it ended. He was away from him longer than he was near and yet his heart doesn’t recognize the time spent apart. His heart longed and ached for him so may the heaven forgive him if he doesn’t regret the night they shared together.

But then again, as what he had always known he’s supposed to do, he needs to let him go.

He removed Jaehyun’s hand that was wrapped around him as gently as the kisses he gave him before they slept at midnight so as not to wake him up. He grabbed his clothes and put them on, giving one last look to the sleeping man before he went out the door. 

_This is me finally letting you go, Jaehyunnie._

And just like the last time they shared a bed five years ago, he left again.

—————

Jaehyun stretched his hand while his eyes were still close. He immediately sat upright on his bed when he felt the other side empty, having the familiar pound of nervousness in his chest. He put on his boxers and went straight to the door looking for Taeyong, calling his name but to no avail. 

His shoulders slumped as he let go of the anxious breath he was holding. Just like the last time they shared a bed five years ago, Taeyong was nowhere to be seen again.

He looked at the time. It was already 11am. Curse him for being a heavy sleeper.

He quickly changed his clothes, grabbed his phone and went out the door to go to Taeyong’s apartment.

_Please don’t leave me again, Yong. Please don’t leave again. Taeyong, please._

He tried calling him but there was no answer. It was like déjà vu from that particular day five years ago. But he won’t let it happen again. Because as he said on his vows, he will never let him go again. 

He arrived at Taeyong’s apartment, clicking on the doorbell like a madman but no one was answering. He decided to call Ten.

“Ten, hey. It’s me, Jaehyun.”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Do you know where Taeyong is?”

“Taeyong? Isn’t he at his house?”

“No, he’s not here. Do you know where he might possibly be?”

“Oh. I’m not really sure. It’s Saturday. He’s normally on his house at this time cleaning. I’ll try to call the others if they know where he is. Why though? Is there a problem?”

He let out a heavy sigh, knuckles closing more tightly in anxiousness. “I need to talk to him. I really need to. I’ll explain everything after I talk to him. Just please tell me if he calls you. I can’t let him go again. Please.”

Jaehyun heard Ten gasped on the other line. “Oh my. Jaehyun, are you? Oh God.”

“Just please tell me, okay?”

“Okay, I will. “

The phone call ended and he got inside his car again thinking where Taeyong might possibly be. His heart was racing nervously, his palms sweating thinking of the possibility that Taeyong ran away again. He can’t lose him again. Not when he knows for certain how Taeyong feels about him. Not when it’s finally clear to him that he’s still in love with him, too. 

Jaehyun has only one reason for coming back from New York—Lee Taeyong. 

The way he loves Taeyong is so strong, he has no other choice but to surrender. Not that he tried to fight it, no. Loving Taeyong is the most pleasant thing he has ever felt. 

For all his time in New York, Jaehyun only thought of going back home to Taeyong. They told him that it will pass, that he will forget about him. But he never did. He longed for him during those years. The thing is, he never really tried to forget about him. He tried to date other people, tried mingling, going to clubs but all people he met, he compared them to Taeyong. _‘Taeyong wouldn’t approve of sugar-free cake.’ ‘Taeyong would prefer a date in the park than a date in the movie theaters.’ ‘Taeyong would never order wine on a first date because he would be tipsy with just a sip of the thing.’_ He didn’t even change his lavender-scented shampoo because Taeyong loves the scent. So he just gave up on meeting others. He gave up on his lame attempt to forget the person his heart yearned for every minute of every day. Trying to forget Taeyong is a lost battle that he never really tried to win in the first place. He never denied it to himself that for all those years apart, he never stopped loving him. Not even for a second.

When he finished his master’s degree, he decided to go back immediately but his father pleaded with him to oversee their company’s operations in the US just before they find someone to replace him. So he had to stay and endure being far from him a little bit more.

He thought of ways to approach Taeyong before going back. All he knows with certainty are the things that Johnny told him—that he’s still single and he’s a wedding planner to a company which turned out to be owned by his cousin, Taeil. He thought of how he can approach a wedding planner—of course, by letting them plan a wedding. The problem is the one who’s supposed to get married. Johnny can’t be that person because he’s in a relationship with Ten and Ten is one of Taeyong’s best friends. It can’t also be Yuta because he’s a public figure, people are going to talk if word gets out that his wedding is being planned. So that leaves him. 

He knew it was plain fucking stupid. No, scratch that because “stupid” doesn’t even begin to cover it. After a bachelor and a master’s degree, he was aware of the frustration which stems from the fact that it was all his brain could come up with. Only Yuta and Thalia knew what he planned on doing because he can’t tell Johnny since he’s sure he would let it slip with Ten. Thalia knows who Taeyong is, they’ve been friends since they were little after all and just met again when they both went to grad school in New York. She actually scolded him on how stupid his idea was.

_“Why can’t you just, I don’t know—directly ask him out like a normal person would?” She asked, rolling her eyes in bafflement when he told her what he intended to do._

_“Thal, I don’t know if he’s seeing someone or if he already forgot about me. It’s been years that we haven’t talk to each other.”_

_“Then let your friend, Johnny, ask him if he’s seeing someone, or if he still remembers you.”_

_His hesitation pulled his eyebrows together as he stared at her. “Wouldn’t that be weird? Johnny asking him that out of the blue?”_

_Thalia looked at him like she was so done with the conversation (and rightfully so). “No, sweetie. Planning a fake wedding just to lurk on your ex-boyfriend is what’s weird.”_

It’s not that he didn’t consider directly talking to him or knocking on his doorstep and beg for him to take him back. But the only thing he knows is that he’s still single—single like unmarried. He wasn’t sure if he has someone in his life, or if he still feels the same way because if he’s already moved on, he doesn’t want to interfere with his life anymore. So he needed to find out things for himself. It wasn’t really an elaborate plan, it was just a dumb excuse to be with him again and find out things for himself.

When he saw him at his cousin’s office, he almost ran to him and wrapped him in his arms because there he finally was, the man he’s been longing for so long. Suddenly, he doesn’t care about all the years that have passed, he only cares about finally seeing him again and holding him close.

When they were finally alone in the office, he took a good look of the man he never stopped loving in front of him. The years that have passed have been good to him. His huge, sparkling obsidian eyes that can put the dark midnight to shame tried so hard to look at all places except directly at him. Taeyong never fails to make him stand motionless just by staring at his ethereally beautiful face, seeming as if the youth never left it. As he watched him be adorably flustered, he decided that he’s going to do everything to get him back. So when he said that the wedding theme was his, he asked if he was about to get married or is dating someone. It took all of his strength to stop himself from shouting with joy when Taeyong said no. That’s when he decided to go along with the fake wedding planning and make it a reality but now, the wedding would be for them. He knows that others might think that he may be getting ahead of himself—Yuta and Thalia said it. But it was a leap of faith he was willing to take. He didn’t have any single idea how Taeyong felt about him. He’s not sure if they still have a chance and if Taeyong still wants him back. He’s not sure what he’s doing. He doesn’t know what he's thinking. All he knows is that he doesn’t want to go anywhere anymore, at least not without him and that wherever this stupid plan might take him, if it’s for Taeyong, it will always be worth it. 

All the emotions stirred up when they finally talked about what happened to their relationship when they visited the venue of the wedding. He was so lost in thought of what the place would look like with the decorations and all, he was taken aback when he saw Taeyong cried. 

Seeing him cry felt like his heart was being sliced open, chopped into pieces and thrown in a grinder to be fed to the sharks. His own pain, he can handle. He doesn’t mind if he’s the only one getting hurt, if he’s the only one in pain. But when it comes to Taeyong, he can’t bear to see him in tears because of him, at least not again. But they both know that they needed to talk about what happened. What he found out that night was that Taeyong still blames himself after all these years and it broke his heart to know he’s still carrying the guilt. That’s the exact moment when he started to hesitate about what he’s doing. 

The soft smile, the lingering gaze, the stares when he thinks he’s not paying him attention—did he misread it all again like before? 

That night, that’s all he could ever think about. Just when he was about to think that they actually have a chance together, he started to doubt. What if all that’s left for Taeyong is just guilt and regret? 

Suddenly, he’s not so sure anymore. What if Taeyong was just waiting for them to finally have closure so he can peacefully go on with his life without him? Did Taeyong even want to see him, to begin with? Or does he much rather not have seen him at all? 

But then there’s the tiny ray of hope inside him telling him that maybe, the reason why Taeyong acted the way he did was because there is still even the slightest possibility that the man is still in love with him. Jaehyun was willing to hold onto it, no matter how small. So he continued with the wedding planning together with that small hope in his heart.

After weeks of sulking with ambiguity, he finally found the vividness in his vows. He didn’t expect Taeyong to say anything during the rehearsal, he just wanted to let him hear his words even if indirectly. But then he started talking about the rain and his own promises and at the very end of his words, he told him he loves him. Jaehyun has been walking on eggshells, not knowing what to think and what to do but at that moment, he became so sure—Taeyong is still in love with him. They were still in love with each other. 

What happened inside the car while the rain was pouring hard outside was something he didn’t need much thinking of. It was something their bodies are accustomed to, no matter how long it has been since they last did it. The touching of their lips and grazing of their skins felt as natural as filling their lungs with air. It was an old habit waiting to be done

Having Taeyong finally back in his arms was something he’s been wanting for all the years that they parted. It was exhilarating to finally be where your heart wants you to be. He was sleeping in the dark alone and now the light bulb has been turned on, giving light to his sad, lonely world. He was so consumed with happiness and pleasure that he forgot about the fact that he didn’t tell Taeyong anything yet. All he remembers is how his hands knew Taeyong’s body too well, how he crumbles every time he touches his skin, how beautiful he looks while his back is arched in pleasure while his mouth spits out his name like music in his ears. 

The thing with their breakup is that it happened because of love. They both needed to grow, to learn from it the most valuable lessons—to trust and communicate. They needed to learn not just to trust each other but to trust themselves, too. They needed to know the value of communication and how important it is for their relationship to work. Because more than the trust, it was communication that they lacked at that point of their relationship when they needed it most. It was as important as the nectar needed by a bee to make honey; like the food and water we all need to survive.

Maybe that’s why it was so hard to let go and move on because at the back of their minds, they know that they left each other knowing that there wasn't any love lost. If anything, their reasons to leave was a testament of how strongly they loved each other.

Jaehyun was late to the tux fitting because he needed to meet someone important before telling everything to Taeyong. 

_He unloaded the pots of succulents from his car and knocked on a door that has been his home too, years ago. It still feels like it is, to be honest. The wooden door painted blue remained the same, the scratch on the lower part remained etched, like it was untouched for a very long time. The black porch swing standing still on the garden, just like where it was years ago. He smiled, feeling at home already_

_The door opened and a middle-aged woman came out with a surprised look on her face. “Jaehyunnie?”_

_He smiled at Taeyong’s mother warmly. “Yes, eomonnie. It’s Jaehyun.”_

_She wrapped her in a tight, warm hug. Taeyong’s mother always has that effect on him. Her hugs always remind him of a walk in the beach with the sand kissing his feet. It reminds him of the smell of freshly baked cookies and warm milk. She always reminds him of the comfort that only comes from home. It’s clear where Taeyong got his warmth and sunshine smiles. “What took you so long to visit me here, Jaehyunnie? I haven’t seen you in so long! Are those for me?” She asked, referring to the potted succulents in the box that he was holding_

_“Yes, eomonnie. Taeyong told me you were into plants and gardening now,” he answered smiling._

_She laughed lightly. “Yes, I am. You know me, I’m always obsessed with something. Come in, Jaehyunnie. You’ve grown more handsome, my child. The air in New York was good, I guess?”_

_“Not as good as the air here, of course,” he answered. Taeyong’s mother guided him inside the house. The place remained the same. Their round, light brown wooden table was still on the center of the kitchen, just in the right place where the sun directly shines from the window. The sofa was still the same, beside the red loveseat and a small wooden cabinet where there were stacks of photo albums. The glass coffee table was adorned with a bouquet of hydrangeas in different colors sitting on top. The place remained the same, making him feel like he never really left in the first place._

_“That’s nice then that you still prefer here,” she chuckled. “Do you want anything? Do you still want the hot cocoa you used to ask me before?”_

_“Of course, I do, eomonnie. You make the best hot cocoa. But you don’t have to bother.”_

_Taeyong’s mother just dismissed him with a wave. “Oh, stop. You’re never a bother._

_Jaehyun just smiled. “Thank you, eomonnie.”_

_“So what brought you here so early in the morning, dear?” She asked, grabbing two cups to make hot cocoa._

_Jaehyun took a deep breath, heart racing and palms sweating mildly. “Eomonnie, I’m still in love with your son.”_

_Taeyong’s mother just smiles at him warmly, her soft gaze melting the nervousness that he was feeling at that very moment. “I know. You wouldn’t be here if you’re not.”_

_She walked towards where he was sitting and put down the hot cocoa in front of him and sat down. “Does Taeyong know about how you feel?”_

_His gaze dropped on the mug, wrapping his hand on the warm beverage on the table. “Not yet.”_

_“May I ask why?” She asked, her voice remaining soft and full of patience._

_“I wasn’t sure if he still felt the same way when we saw each other again. I didn’t...I didn’t know how to ask or how to find out. I came back for him. But I didn’t know if I still had someone and something to come back to. Deciding to meet him again after all these years was me taking a jump with my eyes closed without knowing where I’ll be landing. But it was a leap I was willing to take because it’s Taeyong. If it’s Taeyong, it will always be worth it.”_

_Taeyong’s mother just nodded, her gaze remaining soft on him, taking in his words. “I heard he’s planning your wedding.”_

_That didn’t surprise him. Taeyong is very close to his family. He gladly tells them everything except when he’s trying to keep it all in. It has always been one thing he admires from their family, the close ties and vocal love. “That is actually what I’m here for. All this time, I didn’t know where I was getting myself into. I didn't know if he still felt the same way. I didn’t know if he had already moved on. I didn’t know if he’s still in love with me and if we still have a chance. I wouldn’t interfere if he was already happy with someone else.”_

_“All this time you didn’t know the answers to your questions but now you do.” It wasn't a question. It was more like a clarification. There was a soft smile on her face as he looked at him—a look of understanding more than the things he let on._

_“Yes,” he said._

_She nodded as she took a sip from her own mug. “Have you been inside his apartment?”_

_“No,” he answered, not really knowing what the question entails._

_“If you did, you would’ve known the answers to your questions right away.” Jaehyun’s face remained confused which made Taeyong’s mother smile widely. “It didn’t change, Jaehyunnie. It was a different apartment from where he used to live when you were both in college but if you look inside, it’s still the same. The things you left there, he still has them all. You know what his apartment smells like? All his scented candles and air fresheners? It’s just one scent—lavenders. And I know it’s because it reminds him of you. If you take a peek inside his apartment, you’ll be surprised to find out that nothing changed. That applies to his feelings. It has always been you for Taeyong.”_

_“I know that now,” he said, almost a whisper._

_“So you would know that there is a possibility that you hurt my son in the process that you chose? He thinks that he’s planning the wedding of the man that he loves to another person.”_

_He knows that she never intended for her words to bite, but Jaehyun still felt the pang of emotions as he lowered his gaze. “I am so sorry, eomonnie.”_

_She reached for his hand and gently squeezed it. “I’m not the one whom you should be apologizing to. You two have always been good at loving each other but dear God, you both are really bad at simply communicating what you feel. You go to great lengths of unnecessary sacrifices when you both could’ve just sat down and talked it out.” She shook his head while a smile was playing on the corners of her lips. “I hope you both learned your lesson. Maybe you both needed to grow apart to be stronger together. Now tell him how you feel. Don’t hurt each other again. And Jaehyun-ah, let him know that the wedding he’s planning is his, already.”_

_Jaehyun felt his face heat up to his ears, his eyes widened and mouth slightly hung in surprise. “Eo-eomonnie…”_

_Taeyong’s mother ruffled his hair while laughing. “Taeyong spares me the details but Jungwoo tells me things. If you know Jungwoo, you’ll know what I’m talking about. He said that he’s not entirely sure but I know what you’re getting on when I heard Jungwoo talked. I know you like you are my own child, Jaehyunnie. And I love my son with all my heart, but sometimes, he really is dense when it comes to things like this. He’s not the type to assume stuff about this so clear it out already.”_

_Jaehyun took a deep breath, eyes meeting her motherly gaze. “Eomonnie, I want to marry Taeyong. I love him so much and I want to live the rest of my life with him. I know I hurt your son before but I would do everything in my power not to do it again. I want to marry him, eomonnie, if you would let me.”_

_She held both his hands, her soft smile and warm gaze making him want to tear up. “Thank you for asking for my blessing, Jaehyunnie. I appreciate it. But it will always be Taeyong’s choice. He has the final words. And I do hope that you both work everything out. Now talk to him, Jaehyunnie, and don’t hurt each other again.”_

He really was about to tell him, it just slipped his mind when it started to rain like the stupid, dumb fuck that he is. 

His phone rang again while he was driving in circles around town, trying to think where he was. The monitor flashed his cousin’s name, Taeil.

“Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, hyung? Why did you call?”

“Oh, I just want to tell you about the change of plans for your wedding—change of wedding planner, rather. Lee Taeyong, your wedding planner, just talked to me and said he will be going on leave for a while. He said your wedding is almost done anyway, just the wedding day itself and some details from your bride’s part. I will be reassigning your wedding to Kim Jungwoo. I believe you have met him, too according to Taeyong? I know you specifically ask for Taeyong but I have to respect his wishes.”

“Wait, hyung. You talked with Taeyong just now?” He asked.

“Yes. He just left, actually. About 15 minutes ago? He seemed like he’s in a hurry, and said something about going to his grandparents. He just dropped your files and left.”

Grandparents? Both his grandparents already passed away. Unless he’s talking about his other grandparents… 

“Thank you, hyung. I need to go but thank you, really.” He ended the call and switched lanes, taking a u-turn going to a place he knows where Taeyong is.

——————————  
  


Taeyong parked in front of the familiar lawn of Mercy Homes. He took a deep breath, contemplating whether to get out of his car and go inside or step on the pedal and drive away. It’s not because he didn’t want to see the elderlies. Of course not. He missed them a humongous amount. His hesitation stemmed from the nagging feeling inside him that he didn’t even pay them a visit for the last five years. He just really felt apologetic and hoped they understood why he never stepped in Mercy Homes for the past years.

He took a deep breath again, stepped out of his car and walked inside the familiar building. The place still looks the same—the fountain, the lawn, the building. Even the wooden benches retained their rustic looks after all these years.

“Taeyong?” He heard a woman’s voice called him. He turned around and saw grandmas Ilhwa, Sunyoung and Miran looking at him in surprise. He smiled at them fondly and almost ran towards their direction.

“Taeyong, is that really you, dear?” Grandma Sunyoung asked, eyes wide in astonishment. 

“Yes, grandma,” he answered her smiling and opening his hands to hug the three women. 

“Taeyongie!” The elder hugged him to which he returned. “I’m so happy to see you again!”

“Me, too, grandma. I’ve missed you all a lot.”

“How are you, dear? I haven’t seen you for so long! You’ve grown more handsome.”

“I’m sorry, grandma. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Hush, my child. We understand. You don’t have to explain.”

Taeyong’s heart swelled with joy, already feeling much better upon seeing the elderlies again after so long.

“Come, let’s talk inside.”

They guided him inside, hugging all the familiar faces they met in the way. He missed them so much and he missed the comfort this place gives him a lot. 

“I really am sorry for not visiting,” he apologized as they went inside the gazebo that appears as if it’s floating in the pond filled with kois and water plants. It has always been his favorite place here. It’s peaceful, quiet and calm—everything that is not what he’s feeling inside.

“We understand, dear. You don’t have to apologize. People have different ways of dealing with their emotions. That’s perfectly valid.” Grandma Ilhwa said, squeezing his hand to make him feel better.

Taeyong smiled.

“Jaehyun said you’re a wedding planner now.”

“Yes, grandma. I am.”

“That's so nice. Jaehyun always talks about you whenever he’s here ever since he came back.”

“H-he does? About his wedding, perhaps? I am planning his wedding.”

Grandma Sunyoung gasped. “You two are getting married?”

His eyes bulged, smiling awkwardly at the elder. “No, not me. Jaehyun is getting married to a woman named Thalia. He didn’t tell you?”

She shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

“Oh. Um, well he is.”

“Well that’s a shame. We thought that you both would finally reconcile and get back together.”

Taeyong just gave them a small smile, not really knowing what to say. 

“You know when you’re solving a puzzle and you see certain puzzle pieces and you just know exactly where they’re supposed to be placed by the way they are shaped? That’s the way we see you two. You look perfect for each other, a perfect fit. We were really sad when we heard from Jaehyun before he left that you two broke up,” Grandma Ilhwa frowned, squeezing his hand.

He just smiled at the woman sadly. “Maybe we’re not really meant to be fitted together. Or maybe it was a misfit, like I’m the piece that is supposed to be angled in another way just to fit in. Or maybe...maybe I was the puzzle piece that is indeed placed and angled right, but it was a piece for a different puzzle, completing a different picture. I’m not the one completing his puzzle.”

“Maybe. But the way I see it, I think the puzzle is not done yet.”

“It is, grandma. He’s getting married soon.”

“I think someone wants to talk to you,” Grandma Miran said suddenly. He looked on his back as he followed her gaze and was surprised to see Jaehyun there looking like he just ran here judging by the way his shoulders heaved up and down while steadying his breath.

“Jaehyun,” he said, almost a whisper. 

“We’ll leave you two for now.” The three women stood up, patting Jaehyun’s shoulders as they passed by him before completely disappearing out of sight.

Jaehyun walked towards where he was sitting. “Taeyong, let’s talk. Please.”

“About what, Jaehyun?”

“Taeil hyung called me. You dropped the wedding?”

Taeyong dropped his gaze as he let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t plan your wedding anymore, Jaehyun. Not after last night. Not when I know that I’m still so in love with you. I tried, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t face your fiancée knowing what I did. I’m so sorry.” He was on the verge of tearing up again, trying so hard to hold it in.

Jaehyun held his arm, willing him to look at his face. “Taeyong, I’m not marrying Thalia. I never intended to.”

Taeyong met his gaze, his brows furrowed in confusion. “W-what?”

“I’m still in love with you, Taeyong. I have always been in love with you. I never stopped. There’s no Thalia. I’m not marrying anyone but you.”

Taeyong stood there, stunned upon what he’s hearing. “What? Wait, you’re saying there’s no Thalia?”

“Thalia is my friend. That’s all. I just used her name for this fake wedding.”

Taeyong was so confused, not really knowing what to think. “Fake wedding?”

“It was a fake wedding at first. Then I decided that I want the wedding to be for us.”

Taeyong’s face remained blank but he knew his eyes were conveying the disbelief that he’s feeling right now. “Jaehyun, are you saying you played with my feelings?”

“What? No! It’s not like that!”

“It is exactly like that. Do you know how much pain I’ve been through and still going through because of your wedding? Because in case it isn’t clear to you yet, I’m still fucking in love with you. I never stopped, not even for a single second. Planning your wedding hurts. It’s like being stripped and burned alive and I can only scream but nothing’s coming out of my mouth because I’m not supposed to feel anything anymore. But I still did it because I want you to have the best wedding. Even just for that, I can make amends for all the pains I’ve caused you. You think I’m happy? You played with my feelings, Jaehyun!” He was fuming. He cannot believe what he’s hearing. Fake wedding? Was he fucking serious? He endured those painful past months for what? 

Jaehyun’s face was painted with anguish. “Taeyong, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you still feel the same way. I was hoping that you do but I didn’t know, Yong. I’m so sorry. When I came back for you, I have no idea if you were still unattached or you’re already happy with someone else, I didn’t know if we still have a chance or if I still have something to come back to. When I came back, all I know is that you’re a wedding planner so I thought that having a wedding is the best way for me to be closer to you and well, to know and find answers to my questions. Taeyong, I didn’t know that you’re still in love with me, too, until the wedding rehearsals when you said your vows. I’m so sorry, Taeyong. I never meant to hurt you, I love you so much for me to do that. I’m so sorry.”

Taeyong just stared at him. There’s a glint in his eyes, not really knowing what to say. 

“Taeyong, please talk to me. Please say something.”

“I need to be alone, Jaehyun. And I need you to leave me alone.”

Jaehyun stared at his eyes before letting go of his arm. He tried so hard to keep the tears that were threatening to fall as he started to walk away from him.

“Taeyong, please don’t run away again,” he heard Jaehyun said but he didn’t look back.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Asami. Her sweet message kinda pushed me to FINALLY finish this update. Hope you’re doing well, sweetie ❤️
> 
> This is ending soon btw. I reread some chapters of this and it reminded me of the second tag: angst. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Stream RESONANCE.  
> ~[TY on a chandelier is life changing, isn’t it?](https://youtu.be/tyrVtwE8Gv0)  
> ~[Stream the beauty that is From Home ✨ ](https://youtu.be/3p7s7Rjh4fg)  
> ~[Twitter: @airypeaches](https://twitter.com/airypeaches)  
> ~[curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/airypeaches)  
> ~And happy birthday to one of my favorites, Nakamoto Yuta 🥳


	18. Dear Mr. Jung:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! I am back and breathing once again. I know, it’s been sooooooo long. I was busy with some stuff. And to be honest, I was conflicted with this story but thank God, Jaeyong decided to drop their picture together (I know it also has Ten in it so it’s technically not a “selca” but beggars can’t be choosers, right?)
> 
> Double chapter updates ahead. Please be gentle.

“You bitch, you can’t even tell us you’re here already?!” Ten exclaimed as soon as Taeyong opened the door of his apartment to let his friends in.

He rolled his eyes at him, following them as they marched inside. “Ten, I literally just arrived. If you stick your tongue to my car’s engine, you’ll know that it’s still hot. My bags aren’t even unpacked yet.”

Ten, Sicheng and Jungwoo slumped on the sofa while Doyoung handed him a paper bag from a famous coffee chain. He snorted a small laugh when he saw that it was full of sweet potato cubes that he loves. “Thanks, guys.”

“So, how was your soul-searching?” Sicheng asked as he crossed his legs on the sofa.

Taeyong propped himself on the carpeted floor, being the only space left because his friends were more at home in his apartment than he is. “I wasn’t soul searching. I was...on a vacation, yeah. Visiting my family, clearing my head and stuff.”

“And is your head cleared?”

“No, but my lungs are.” He let out an exasperated sigh as he dropped his head on Jungwoo’s lap, the latter massaging his head in an instant.

“You gotta admit though, what he did was one hell of a grand gesture,” Jungwoo said as he rubbed Taeyong’s temples. “Planning a freaking wedding? I mean, yes, it failed miserably but you gotta admit it’s kinda cute. Rich boy has faith, I’ll give him that.”

“Taeyong was hurt, though,” Sicheng pointed out.

“I mean aside from that, of course. He has a point though, you’re a wedding planner. What is the best way to get your attention? Plan a wedding.”

Doyoung sat on the floor with him, munching on the sweet potato cubes they brought with them. “If you ever plan on following your heart, do what he did. What’s the best way to get a businessman’s attention?”

“Capitalist ventures? Profitable business projects? High sales with low costs and thus corresponding high net profit? Audited financial statements with unqualified opinion? Lower income and final tax payables?” Jungwoo answered. They all gave him confused looks, wondering how he knew those business jargons.

“What?” Jungwoo shrugged. “I dated an accountant before.”

“Okay… Or you can try writing a business letter. Or like a partnership agreement form or something. Johnny can help you with that,” Ten offered.

“I’m not sure if I want to follow my heart,” he sighed. That’s all he ever does recently, sigh like there’s a lot of excess air to be released from his lungs. “There’s just too much history, too much baggage. We’ve hurt each other before, we’re hurting each other now. It somehow makes me think that maybe the universe is telling us something.”

“Maybe it’s telling you to stop hiding your feelings so you can start loving him in the open. Or I don’t know, the heart is just a muscle. Let it do its job of pumping blood to and from the body,” Doyoung said.

He rolled his eyes at him. “You’re useless.”

Sicheng grabbed his hands and opened them up. “Seriously speaking, your hands are full holding those excess baggage, Tae. It’s time to unpack.”

Taeyong did not respond, just staring at his empty hands while the lines stared back at him.

Ten sat down to the floor beside him. “We know that you left because you want to think about what happened. You needed that because you never really had time to assess your feelings ever since Jaehyun came back, except maybe that night you went home crying. We understand and respect that. But now that you’re back here and yet you’re still undecided, I think I know you well enough to say that you need others to help you see perspective on the choices you are considering.”

Doyoung spoke beside him. “Here’s the thing, Tae. You can either hear him out and understand things from his point of view or you can let go of him again and go on with your life. You’ve done the last one before and you survived. Only dilemma now is, if you choose it, can you do it again?”

His eyes dropped on the floor dejectedly. “I’m afraid to make the same mistakes and hurt him again in the process. Every time I think about wanting him back, I am reminded of how easy it was for me to think that he was ruining my trust even though it was all in my head. I am reminded of how terrible I am. I don't deserve him. Not after what I did.” He paused, biting his lower lip to stop it from quivering because the tears in his eyes were threatening to fall down. “I am terrified to want him back yet here I am, wanting him back anyway. ”

Ten squeezed his hand, feeling the sadness of his friend. “The thing with mistakes is that we can learn from them. This is your chance to learn from your mistake five years ago. Talk. Sweetie, you have every right to be mad at him. You felt like he was playing with your feelings but did he honestly know about that? Did he know that you’re still in love with him? Did he clearly know that you two still have a chance together? We don’t know the reason why he orchestrated this whole wedding. The only way to know is by asking him.”

“He told me he didn’t know. He told me he didn’t have any idea if we still had a chance together when he decided to come back. Not until the wedding rehearsals,” he answered.

Ten nodded in understanding. “I figured. Just like how you didn’t know.”

“Well how could I possibly know? I thought I was planning his wedding with another woman.”

“And it was stupid of him to do that. I’m not excusing what he did but Tae, you of all people should know that people go to great lengths when they’re in love, no matter how stupid they seem to look. But the thing is, you know that you will never feel for anyone the way you feel about him. And we all know that the reason why you haven’t found someone to replace him in your heart is not just because you can’t forgive yourself but because you only want him.”

Sicheng nodded. “I agree. You want Jaehyun because you love him. If you’d ask me, I believe that when it comes to love, want is a stronger force than need.”

“How come?”

Sicheng paused, looking like he was deep into thought for a brief moment. “Well, being needed entails a requirement, just a necessity you know? If you’d have other choices, you can make do with that—you love someone because you intend to have something in return, you love them because they can give you something that you need. To be wanted, though, there’s no attachment. It’s free thinking. It's a free choice. It’s a conscious commitment. You love a person not out of necessity but out of your own volition. You don’t need Jaehyun. You can live without him, you’ve done it. But ask yourself, do you want to live without him again or will you choose to be with him this time?”

He took a deep breath, shoulders slumping as the waves of fear and self-insecurity swarmed his thoughts. “What if we hurt each other again?”

Sicheng gave him a small smile. “A leap of faith, Taeyong. The way I see it, he took a leap of faith when he decided to come back. Have faith in what you both have—love. Five years have passed and you still want to be with each other. I think that’s telling you something.”

“I don’t know. Is it worth it?”

“The only person that can answer that is you. No one can make the decision but you.”

“I’m scared of losing him again if we ever get back together,” he muttered.

“You know how to fight now, Taeyong. You know what to do and not to do. Will you let your fear ruin your chances of finally being happy? I know you can live with it, you’re strong. But do you really want to?”

He felt Jungwoo’s fingers combed his hair softly. “You see, hyung, I don’t believe that destiny or fate brought you back together to meet again. That’s not the case here at all. Destiny didn’t buy Jaehyun’s plane tickets and dragged him to the airport. You know what happened? Jaehyun got on a plane to go back here without any idea what he’s getting himself into. My point? He made his own choice. It’s not because of a freaking outside force like destiny or fate or whatever Nicholas Sparks calls it on his romance books. He chose to do it. Now you’re the one in the position to choose. Don’t ask the universe for signs. It’s not telling you something so don’t let it choose for you. As I’ve said, you’re in the position to choose. It’s just between two choices—either a life with him or a life without him. Hyung, it’s nice that you’re thinking about this carefully. Take all the time you need. I just hope that you’re not thinking about this a little too much to the point that you’re losing sight of what could actually happen.”

“You deserve to be happy, Taeyong. With each other or not, after everything, you both deserve to be happy,” Doyoung said.

Taeyong didn’t answer. The thing is, he knows what he wants. Of course he does. He had thought about it for weeks, how every little detail made sense. How the wedding theme is exactly what they both wanted. How there’s no bride planning the wedding with him. How Jaehyun can’t give him an exact date for the wedding. How everytime a decision is to be made, Jaehyun asks him what he thinks as if everything depends on whether he would like it or not. How the ring fits exactly on his finger. They even had sex. Even if the reason why he broke up with him before was because he thought Jaehyun was cheating on him, he knew Jaehyun would never cheat.

After all these years, Jaehyun was and still is in love with him.

“Good thing you don’t have to choose anymore,” Ten suddenly said, looking at him intently.

“What do you mean?” He asked, confusion etched all over his face.

“Johnny told me that Jaehyun is going back to New York next week. He’s putting up his condo unit for sale.”

He stared at him, heart suddenly racing. “What? H-he’s leaving?”

Ten nodded. “Yes. At least you don’t have to choose anymore.”

He swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly at Ten. “But...But I don’t want him to leave. I just want to clear my mind. Oh my God, I can’t believe him!” He stood up, pacing back and forth while biting his nails. “He can’t just say that he still loves me too and leave again! I haven’t talked to him for weeks and he decided to leave? Fuck this, I need to talk to him. Where are my keys?”

Ten smiled at him, eyes crinkling knowingly. “I think you already have a choice.”

“What?”

“About where you stand with Jaehyun. I think you know.”

“Ten, what are you—” Realization washed through him. His eyes squinted towards the direction of his friend. “He’s not leaving, is he?”

“Oh, he is.” Ten smiled, looking so pleased with himself like the little bitch that he is. “He really is going to New York next week but he’s coming back days after. He’ll just get some of his stuff and settle some things there. And he also is setting his condo unit up for sale because hello, he’s building a house, right?”

“Ten!”

“What?” Ten shrugged nonchalantly. “At least now you know what you want.”

He slumped back on the floor again. “Ten, you are such a bitch.”

Ten patted his shoulders. “Sweetie, it’s an established fact. Tell me something I don’t know. I was just helping you see things clearly. Now go talk to him.”

He grabbed a throw pillow and buried his face on it. “I said I need to talk to him. I still don’t know what I want to say.”

“Oh my god, Tae! You are so frustrating!”

“Yeah, well tell me something I don’t know, too.”

•———•———••———•———••———•———•

“Hi, you look great, Tae.” Kai smiled at him as he approached him in the bar lounge.

“Thank you, so do you,” he smiled at the other. Kai indeed looked good. He always does. He’s wearing a red silk Gucci button down, looking like he’s the rightful model of the luxurious brand.

They were at a rooftop bar, the blinking city lights trying to compete with the twinkling stars in the sky before their eyes. Kai pushed a drink towards him and smiled. “So, are you okay now?” He asked.

“What? What do you mean? I’m fine.” He smiled back at him before he sipped on his drink, tasting the fruity flavor of his cocktail drink.

“I just thought that you left so suddenly. I haven’t heard anything from you ever since you rainchecked three weeks ago until you texted me last night. I just figured you had something you needed to deal with?” Kai looked at him worriedly. He really is a good guy, he thought to himself.

“Oh, uh yeah. I’m sorry about that. I needed to get away for a while. But I’m fine. Just something I needed to think about.”

Kai nodded, looking at him like he knew he was withholding something but kind enough not to ask him about it. “Alright. But I hope you remember what I told you. I’m your friend, too. You can tell me anything, Taeyong.”

He met his eyes, a sad smile playing on his face as he did. Kai looked back at him with understanding. “It’s Jung Jaehyun.”

It wasn’t a question. It must be so evident on his face that Kai didn’t even have to ask. He looked down on his drink and downed it in one go. “I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Well, it turns out that the wedding I’m planning for him is also for me.”

Kai just nodded, seeming unsurprised by what he just said. “And you’re afraid because?”

“I’m afraid that I’m going to run back to him and hurt him again. I’m so afraid and I think that’s clouding my judgments. I’m a very insecure person. That’s actually a reason why I let myself believe that he was cheating on me before even if he wasn’t. Why would he stay with me? I think I don’t have a lot to offer. I know it’s probably not true. I know that. It’s just…” He paused and let out a huge sigh. “It’s the same thought as before. Who am I compared to others? I’m just Lee Taeyong. To top it off, I’m the one who hurt him so much that he needed to fly across the world to get away from here.”

“You hurt him and yet he still chose to fly back here and take his chances?” Kai asked. He couldn’t find the words to respond so Kai continued. “More than anything Taeyong, I think you should put a little trust on yourself that you’ve grown. You need to trust more on what you can offer. Jaehyun wouldn’t come back if he doesn’t recognize the amazing person that you are. You need to trust yourself more.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s worth it, not for me but for him.”

“I think he wouldn’t go back if he doesn’t think it’s worth it.”

“I…” he exhaled. “I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it now.”

Kai reached for his hand and squeezed it. “Taeyong, you know you could always have a change of pace right?”

He smiled at him weakly, acknowledging it.

“If you want a change of pace, I’m here,” Kai whispered. He looked at him intently, gaze piercing through the deepest parts of his soul conveying a lot of the man’s emotions.

Taeyong met his gaze. They stared at each other’s eyes intently, an unspoken question hanging in the distance between their faces. Kai’s eyes were asking for permission. He slowly closed his eyes and felt Kai kissed him softly. He tasted the alcohol and mint as Kai deepened the kiss, his hand cupping his face. And suddenly, Taeyong was so aware that he was kissing another man. The foreign, unwelcome feeling rang like a bell on his mind. His eyes shot open and broke the kiss. He looked at the other apologetically and whispered, “Kai, I’m so sorry.”

Kai didn’t say a word at first, just blinking at him as if processing what just happened. Then he smiled at him sadly, making him sad, too. “I guess this is where I get off the line,” he said.

Why can't he just have this clean slate with Kai? It’s easy. It’s fresh. It’s uncomplicated. Maybe there’s magic on new beginnings, new people, and new relationships. Maybe what’s coming is better than what is gone but how would he know if he won’t dip his toes into it, right? But despite this, words already came out of his mouth. “I really am sorry, Kai.”

The man gave him a weak smile. “You don’t have to apologize for not feeling the same way, Taeyong.”

He squeezed his hand. “I really hope you’ll find the person who will return the love that you freely give.”

“And I hope you’ll finally be happy, Tae. You’re a good person. You deserve to be happy.”

He grabbed his things and turned to him once again. “I need to go.”

Kai smiled at him softly and nodded. “Take care, Taeyong. And don’t be afraid to choose what will make you happy.”

•———•———••———•———••———•———•  
  


**_Jaehyun_ **

“Damn, you look like shit.”

Jaehyun lifted his gaze from the sprawled documents he was reading to his friend who busted through the glass doors of his office. “I’m busy, Johnny. What do you want?”

“Ooh, relax. I can see why Sungchan looks mortified outside. Give your secretary a break, will you?” Jaehyun remained deadpanned looking at him while Johnny just chuckled and handed him a brown expanding envelope. “What’s this?”

Johnny sat down on the sofa inside his office, crossing his legs while a smirk played on his face. “That, my friend, is a hmm, you could say a business proposal letter.”

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Proposal letter? About what? Did the Deals and Acquisitions department already do their due diligence for this?”

“Nope.”

He sighed at his friend. “Then why am I hearing about this, Johnny? Due diligence by DA first before handing it to me.”

“That’s because I’m giving it directly to you,” he said, pointing at the envelope that he was holding. “Trust me, that’s not something you’d want D and A to process. Just read through it. It’s a partnership agreement.”

“Partnership? We’re a corporation, Johnny. We can’t enter into partnerships according to law. We can only enter into joint ventures but not partnerships.”

“See? I know you are smart. I don’t understand why you pulled that stupidity with Taeyong. Romantically clever, but stupid nonetheless on so many levels.” Jaehyun was about to protest before Johnny cut him off. “Ten already told me. You know you could’ve just asked me if you didn’t want to ask Taeyong directly, right? I’m your friend, too Jaehyun. Ever since we were kids.”

Jaehyun sighed, eyes looking down in guilt. “I know that, Johnny. I’m sorry.”

“Just know that I’m here for you, too. So read through what’s inside that envelope because this is not for the company. I think you would personally want to be a party in this partnership. Just read through it, Jae. And after that, the answer is in the conference room.”

“What about the conference room?”

Johnny stood up from his seat. “You’ll get what I mean,” he smiled and left him alone in his office.

He watched as his friend disappeared from his sight. He stared at the envelope in his hands confusedly. He opened the envelope and his breath got caught in his throat upon reading what’s inside.

Mr. Jaehyun Jung  
President and CEO  
Jung Group of Companies  
The JGC Towers  
City 127 Proper, Seoul

October 24, 2020

**_ Proposal Letter for the Lifetime Partnership of Jung Jaehyun and Lee Taeyong _ **

Dear Mr. Jung:

As you know, there is a vacancy for the position of my partner/future husband. In this proposal, I would like to offer you the said position. I am sending this proposal letter, which includes the attached Partnership Agreement Form (Appendix 1) and other terms, scope and considerations to inform you of the complete terms of our possible engagement as partners.

_**Scope of the lifetime partnership** _

The purpose of the partnership is a lifetime commitment filled with love and happiness in accordance with mutual understanding and proper communication to avoid previously committed mistakes. The partnership will involve performing procedures that will make both parties happy and feel loved. Furthermore, additional procedures will be put in place to assure that there is proper communication of words and thoughts between the two parties to avoid making judgments based on overthought scenarios and words taken out of context.

**_Termination_ **

The partnership may be terminated upon mutual agreement, provided that there is proper communication of causes and concerns. (Party B, Lee Taeyong, personally don’t want the partnership to have a termination clause nor any thoughts of it. Thus, this clause is subject to further assessment from Partner A, Jung Jaehyun.)

**_Considerations_ **

Okay, see, I don't write business letters (Johnny just taught me the outline but I’m really not fit for this, I even have to omit a lot of parts for this business letter because I don’t know what to put in them). You approached me as a wedding planner by planning a wedding so now I approach you as a businessman by having a business proposal letter (except it’s not business because I don’t know any shit about it. Working capitals, asset management, financial statements, liquidity ratios...yeah, no thanks). So here’s the thing, I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed by your fake wedding fiasco. I’m disappointed because I felt like you played with my feelings and made me suffer by planning your wedding while making me think you’re marrying someone else. Do you have any idea on the repercussions of what you did? I’m disappointed in you. But you know what I’m more disappointed about? It’s the fact that it was so unnecessary.

Jung Jaehyun, I hope you know how stupid you are. Years of education in Seoul and New York and CEO of a big conglomerate and that’s what you thought of? You are so stupid that it seriously baffles me to the core why I am still so madly in love with you. I am fucking, earth-shattering, crazy-to-the-point-that-I-find-everything-you-do-endering in love with you that while I sat down typing this, I can’t help but laugh about everything that you did just to get my attention. Planning a wedding is not just the only way to approach a wedding planner, you dumb gorgeous ass. You don’t need to pull a fake wedding, Jaehyun. You could’ve just asked me.

Now that we’ve covered your unbelievably endearing stupidity (which I’m pretty sure I only find endearing because I’m in love with you), let me tell you something. I want my wedding theme back. The venue, invitation cards, cakes, food, flowers—I want it all back. I want to be fully aware that those wedding details are for me and not for some unknown woman who coincidentally has the same initials as mine and whom I’m secretly jealous of thinking that she’s the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

I’m sorry for disappearing again for weeks. I did not run away. I just needed to think things through without any influence from anyone. My mother told me that you visited her (she loves the succulents by the way) but didn’t tell me what you two talked about since as I’ve said, I want to make my decision purely from my own deductions. The thing is, I’ve always known what I want, I was just too scared to choose it and that’s what’s holding me back.

Jaehyunnie, I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I don’t want to let this slip from my hands again because honestly, I don’t know if I could live in a world where I know we stand a chance together but didn’t try because we’re afraid. And let me tell you Jaehyun, I am terrified. I am so scared of fucking this up again, I don’t know if I can handle it this time if I do. Me and you, we have so much history, so many areas of concern that are quite frankly, we are shit at dealing with. I can’t let myself be shattered again knowing damn well how hard it is to pick my broken pieces back together. But the thing is, I’m much more scared of not trying. I know you’re not my only shot at happiness if I would just open my eyes to other possibilities and that counts for your point of view as well but I want you to be my happiness. I choose you to be my happiness. I choose to be with you again because as I’ve said, I don’t care about the uncertainties as long as I have you. When it comes down to a choice, without a doubt, in a single heartbeat, I know it will always be you.

I’ve already lived a life without you before I met you and I was fine, I was whole. I never felt that I was missing something. I’ve experienced it again when we both left. My heart was broken but still, I was whole. But I would rather have you as a piece of me and be happy than be whole by myself but feel empty. I know what life is without you, Jaehyun. It’s livable but it’s dull, like a desert without rain. I can live with it but I don’t want it. Why would I settle with that when I can have something much more beautiful with you? I had the most beautiful and colorful moments of my life when I was with you and I don’t want to settle for anything less and anything dull.

To tell you the truth, I was with Kai a while ago (and if you’re reading this, then “last night”). We were at a rooftop bar with the view of the city and it was nice. The view was nice and I was with one of the kindest men I’ve ever known. He kissed me. I asked myself why can’t I just have a clean slate with Kai? It’s easier and way less complicated with him. But when he kissed me, all I could ever think about was that I wanted to kiss you at that very moment. And as I write this, all I want to do is kiss you again. The silence when I kiss him pales in comparison to the fireworks I feel when you merely touch my skin. Even just the thought of you makes me feel all sorts of things everywhere in my body. All I could ever think about is that you’re the only person that I want to kiss for the rest of my life. And that’s how I know that I wouldn’t want anything easy, that I wouldn’t mind being complicated, and that I wouldn’t want a clean slate and start anything if it’s not with you. And maybe he’s perfect or whatever, but I wouldn’t want perfect if it’s not you.

You make me frustrated. You make me mad. You make me nervous. You make me weak on my knees when I look in your eyes. You make my heart melt every time I see your dimples. You make me feel giddy every morning I wake up knowing that I’ll see you again. You make me _feel,_ Jaehyun.

And I don’t know what uncertainties our future holds but damn it Jae, whatever it is, you are so fucking worth it.

Do you remember when I asked you before if you’ll marry me when the right time comes? I believe this is the right time for us now. I don’t want to waste any moment without you, Jaehyun. No fake weddings this time, I want the real one. Marry me, Jaehyunnie.

If the above terms for this marriage/lifetime partnership proposal are acceptable to you, kindly stand up from your seat and kiss me on the lips to seal the deal.

Yours forever with all love and sincerity,  
Lee Taeyong

**Conforme:**  
The terms of this partnership proposal are accepted by Mr. Jaehyun Jung.

_________________________________  
Jaehyun Jung  
CEO, Stupid Asshat Who Owns My Heart

Jaehyun immediately stood up from his seat upon finishing the last word, his feet taking him to the conference room as fast as he could.

He opened the doors and there he was, Taeyong sitting on one of the swivel chairs biting his nails. He stopped fidgeting when he saw him open the doors. They were both silent for a while, both pondering on what to say.

“Well,” Taeyong said, breaking the silence, “is this a no, then?”

“What?” He asked, confused.

Taeyong pursed his lips as he stared down on the floor then back to Jaehyun’s face. _God, he’s so beautiful._ “I did ask you to kiss me if you agree to the terms of my marriage proposal, right? You’re not kissing me yet so is this a no?”

“Are you crazy?” Jaehyun walked to where he was sitting and put his hands at the opposite sides of the handles of the chair, locking him in place. “I would marry you without any condition, love.” Jaehyun crossed the distance of their lips, kissing him ferociously, telling him how much he missed him after weeks of not seeing his beautiful face, his gorgeous eyes and warm smile.

“You know you’re in no position to ask me if I’m crazy considering the stunt you pulled, right? Because honey, that’s what’s crazy,” he chuckled when their lips parted.

Jaehyun grinned at him. “Well, it did the job.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “Yeah, inefficiently.”

“What do you mean inefficiently? We got back together and now we already have a planned wedding.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but laugh because he’s right.

He took Taeyong’s hand, kissing the back of it. “I'm sorry you thought I was doing it for revenge. I could never do that to you.”

Taeyong cupped his face, his huge eyes staring at him as the light reflected on them. “I know. Jaehyun, I’m sorry for everything. For what I did before and now. I hope you know how sorry I am.”

“Forgive yourself, Taeyong. I’m not mad at you. As I’ve said, I never was mad at you. And I like to believe that we’ve learned from our mistakes in the past. We’ve grown. Things fall apart to make way for better things, right? You were my ‘better thing’ before and you’re still my ‘better thing’ now.” He shook his head and smiled. “Wait, actually no. You’re not better. You’re my ‘best’.”

“Do you still want me even if I’m scared?”

He kissed the back of his hand, hoping to reassure him. “Baby, there’s nothing you can do that can make me not want to be with you. When it’s the scariest, I will hold your hand to let you know that I will always be here for you. It’s okay if you’re scared. Do whatever you want. Be whatever you want. Just promise me that if ever you’ll run away again, you’ll take me with you.”

“Jaehyun, aren’t you scared?”

“The only thing I’m scared of is losing you again.”

Taeyong smiled at this. “Promise me that we’ll communicate more so that we won’t make the same mistakes again?”

“Yeah, baby, please promise me that, will you? Your mother actually said that we always go to great lengths of unnecessary sacrifices when we both could’ve just sat down and talk it out. I could actually feel her frustration over the fact that we’re still not back together that time.”

Taeyong chuckled. “I agree with her.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt you with this wedding planning,” he muttered as he intertwined their fingers.

“You didn’t know I was still in love with you. And while we’re at it, I love you, Jung Jaehyun. Thank you for coming back.” Taeyong smiled, his face beaming with warmth and happiness. God, he’s so in love with this man.

“I love you, Yongie. Thank you for coming back to me.”

“So,” Taeyong started, linking his arms to Jaehyun’s neck, “Can I have my wedding theme back?”

Jaehyun snaked his arms on his waist, smiling widely. “It has always been yours, baby.”

“It’s not mine. It’s ours.”

“Ours.” He smiled widely. God, he couldn’t believe he’s actually back in his arms again. This past three weeks, he has been on the edge of his seat waiting and worrying for him. It frustrated him that he couldn’t do anything because Taeyong asked to be left alone and he owes him that. After the stunt he pulled, he owed it to Taeyong to give him whatever he wants. Not that he wouldn’t give him everything he wants on other occasions. He would move heaven and earth for him if he needed to.

“Let’s not waste the wedding preparations then. I still have your ring.” Taeyong showed him his hand wearing the ring on his finger. “Will you marry me, Jaehyunnie?”

His eyes crinkled in happiness, planting a kiss to the man’s lips before answering. “Of course, baby. You don’t even have to ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~[Twitter: @airypeaches](https://twitter.com/airypeaches)  
> ~[curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/airypeaches)  
> 


	19. The Warm and Real and Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve reread this from the beginning, you’ll get the little things (okay, not really little) I put in here.
> 
> Happy 7 years with Jaeyong ✨

Taeyong’s beauty is something that Jaehyun can never fully fathom, can never fully comprehend and can never fully deserve. It’s ineffable. It’s something that the world should see but at the same time, he wonders if the world really deserves to see his ethereal beauty. He’s a living paradox. He likes the silence but his beauty and kindness screams out loud. He likes things to be tidy and neat but his thoughts are always clouded and all over the place. He loves to give his everything but doesn’t want to accept anything in return. 

When he was in New York, he became obsessed with walnut cookies from a certain bakery hidden in an alleyway. He is not a fan of sweets, he just tolerates them. Taeyong is the one with a sweet tooth. But the first bite of those cookies immediately made him want more. It’s the kind of dessert that won’t make you feel cloyed. It’s not too sweet; the taste of walnuts and dark chocolate balancing the sweetness from the sugar. Jaehyun never got too tired of eating it. It became his comfort food when he was in New York. Taeyong’s face is like that. Seeing it once is not enough, you would want to see it more. His is a kind of beauty that you will never get tired of looking at. You could stare at him forever and yet, you would still find yourself dumbstruck at the sight.

He doesn’t know why, actually. Every detail of Taeyong’s face is so distinctive. His sharp jaws, his huge, dark eyes, his tiny pointy nose. Everything is so distinct that you wouldn’t know where to look first and you would think that you will be overwhelmed by these details but when you stare at his face as a whole, you’d still be surprised that it’s much more beautiful combined. 

He remembered the first time he saw him in front of their campus library. He wasn’t feeling fine that day, just tried to study in the library but decided against it because he wasn’t really feeling well. When he stepped out of the library, it was already raining. He decided to go back inside but something about the rain made him stop and stare as the rain fell to the ground. That’s when Taeyong approached him. He remembered being shocked upon seeing his face. It wasn’t just plain handsome, no, it doesn’t stop there. He was ethereally beautiful, breathtakingly gorgeous. He could only have his face mask to thank that day for having something to cover his mouth that went agape. Taeyong was sporting a bold red hair color. His sharp jaw was in full display as he was staring up at the sky, watching the rain. Jaehyun was speechless, taking him a while to form a coherent sentence. He also remembers well how he was kind enough to lend him his umbrella knowing that he was sick and how his heart thumped loudly in his chest at the kind gesture. Seeing Taeyong is not really an experience he can and will forget.

He remembered the first day of classes when he saw him again. He wasn’t really running late so he took his time. He surveyed the room for available seats preferably in front, but a mop of pink hair caught his eyes in the middle of the hall. His heart went haywire on his chest as he felt his insides being turned upside down because something just tells him he knew who it was. Next thing he knew, his feet were dragging him to the owner of the loud hair color, stealthily fixing his hair and his denim jacket as he walked in nervousness. And boy, was he nervous. And when he’s nervous, he tends to be rude. 

Taeyong was staring at him as he asked him to move to the next empty seat. The man stared at him so hard, he felt like he would crumble to ashes any moment soon. And then he heard the gasps and whispers from nearby seats and that’s when he thought, _“Of course, they recognized me. So this is what the intense stares are for.”_ Jaehyun has issues with those kinds of stares and whispers. Ever since what happened with his ex girlfriend, he started doubting people’s intentions on befriending him or even just mere looking at him. And then he heard Taeyong mutter “Wow” on his seat. That’s how he initially thought Taeyong was one of them, making him disappointed upon knowing it. 

_“Hey!” Jaehyun recognized the voice. It was Lee Taeyong._ Why is he following me? _He thought to himself but he continued walking without paying the man any attention._

_“Jung Jaehyun!” He heard him shout. He exhaled before stopping to look at him. “What do you need? If you’re here to confess your feelings like the others, I’m not interested.”_

_Jaehyun could see how Taeyong’s face morphed into confusion before turning his back on him again. He felt a hand grabbing his arm and along with that came the chills running down his spine and he could only pray to all that's holy that his ears won’t give him away because whenever he’s flustered, his ears automatically turn red._

_“What are you talking about?” Lee Taeyong asked, looking at him like he just lost his mind. “I don’t even like you!”_

_Yeah, okay. Maybe he did lose his mind because he can feel the disappointment wash throughout his body, hiding it with a shrug. “Okay,” he said and was about to walk again to hide his self-embarrassment but Lee Taeyong stopped him, still holding his arm. “Ten. You know him, right? The one you cheated on? I’m his friend.”_

_Jaehyun raised his eyebrows. What did he just say? Cheated? Him? A cheater? Okay, maybe he was wrong thinking that Lee Taeyong was staring at him because he recognized who he was and thought that he was like the others but accusing him of being a cheater? Lee Taeyong might be drop-dead gorgeous and makes him feel like all the air is being knocked off his lungs every time he sees him but he won’t accept being branded as a cheater when he despises them all. “I don’t know a Ten and I don’t know you.” He removed the other’s hand that was still holding his arm and started walking again._

_Lee Taeyong followed him again and pulled his bag that was open so his things inside fell. “Oh my god, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” Lee Taeyong apologized, hurriedly picking up the things that fell while muttering apologies but Jaehyun stopped him. He picked his things and faced him, irritation evident on his face._

_“I said I don’t know your friend and I don’t care if he’s been cheated on or not. Get lost and mind your own business.” He knew it was rude (and damn it, why was he so nervous being face to face with him?) but he was really pissed off now so he continued walking, leaving Lee Taeyong standing there with his mouth wide open._

_“Asshole!” He heard him shout._

He smiled at the memory, remembering how he can’t take him off his mind for even a single minute since that day.

The processional march for the entourage started as the numerous lanterns hung on the trees all over the place were turned on. The place looked captivating, substituting the typical wedding designs to something more earthly and closer to nature. The acres of trees were draped with cascading spanish moss and white wisterias and lilies of the valley along with the lanterns hanging from the trees. Fallen logs decorated with moss and colorful flowers served as pews for the visitors, taking part of the overall scenery. The aisle runner was subtly covered with something that resembles Rapunzel’s long, blonde hair (their very own blonde carpet inside joke from before), adorned with matching flower petals.

Then there's the two bent trees looking like an arch from the way they intertwined. The trees that served as the arches for the wedding ceremony were set against complementing wisterias and spanish moss with tiny golden lanterns. There were different kinds of flowers all over the place. Everywhere he feasted his eyes on, there were flowers of all kinds because Taeyong can’t pick just one and surprisingly, it turned out for the better because the place looked captivating, magical even. The whole place was the perfect crossover of Tangled and Twilight wedding, just like how they envisioned years ago when they first talked about the wedding they wanted together. 

Jaehyun watched as the entourage walked down the aisle, his heart beating fast as he awaited the entrance of his own groom. The [music ](https://youtu.be/J1SOVy5uVug)changed after the entrance of the ring bearers and flower girls. The piano, guitar accompaniment and string quartet started with a slow instrumental then the music transitioned into the song very familiar for the both of the grooms—the soft instrumentals of the song I See The Light from the movie where their wedding is based on. On the first note, Taeyong showed himself.

Jaehyun beamed upon the sight of the love of his life walking down the aisle with a lavender bouquet on his hands. Taeyong looked so breathtakingly gorgeous in a white tux with champagne-colored intricate details. He’s sporting a black hair for today which was brushed up, a huge contrast to his usual penchant for bold hair colors but still, if it’s possible, he looked more handsomely beautiful today than all the other days before. Like the way he loves him more right now than the days, months and years before this day. And he knows he will look more gorgeous to him again tomorrow than today just like how he will love him more for every tomorrow that they will spend together for the rest of their lives. Taeyong smiled back at him, making the fast beating of his heart to calm down and everything just felt so beautiful. 

_Standing here, it’s oh so clear, I’m where I’m meant to be._

He can’t believe he’s blessed enough to marry the kindest and most beautiful man on earth. He can’t believe they were given a second chance to be together again and for good. Jaehyun couldn’t help but shed a tear upon the realization. After everything they’ve been through, all the things they didn’t say upfront to each other that made them part and all the words they withheld, here they are, one step away on their lifetime together. Another tear fell from his eye, and then another. He was overwhelmed with joy. It was his own fairy tale coming to life. And it was indeed warm and real and bright.

“Jae,” Yuta tapped his shoulders and handed him a white handkerchief to wipe his tears.

“Thank you,” he responded. Yuta squeezed his shoulders and smiled then went back to his place behind him.

Taeyong finally arrived in front of him. He held his hand as he smiled at his beautifully handsome groom. “Aww, Jaehyunnie, you really are crying.”

“How could I not? I’m marrying the most beautiful person that ever walked on this planet. I can’t believe this is finally happening.”

Taeyong’s smile widened at the comment, a hint of tears welling on his own eyes. “I can. What’s meant to be will always find its way. It may wander, but it will always go back.”

The wedding ceremony flew by, savoring every moment of their wedding until it was time for the vows.

Jaehyun stared at his eyes lovingly, his smile so warm that it spread through the ends of his skin. He took his hand as he positioned the wedding ring on his finger.

“Taeyong, my love. You’ve already heard my vows. But I want you to hear it again without you having any single doubt that it is for you and you alone. 

I thought I already saw you at your most beautiful the first time I saw you in front of our campus library. God, you were so beautiful back then that I couldn’t open my mouth to speak for a while. I was proven wrong when I watched you passionately dance because you looked divine doing that very thing that you love. I was proven wrong yet again when I saw you sprawled on my bed with sweat trickling from your forehead and your chest down to your—” Taeyong’s eyes widened in alarm as their audience shared snickers and laughter.

“Baby, they don’t need to know how I look when we...you know,” Taeyong whispered, looking all flustered, his cheeks a burning red in contrast to his pale skin.

“Jae, there are kids here,” Johnny said while he and Yuta snickered from his back.

He just chuckled. “All I wanna say is that I’m proven wrong once again when I saw you after five years, looking more mature and yet more gorgeous than before, if it’s even possible. And I’ve never been glad to be proven wrong because nothing will ever compare to the sight of you walking down the aisle to go here in front of me. I know I will be proven wrong again when we wake up together tomorrow but let me savor this moment because Lee Taeyong, you are the embodiment of perfection.

What I told you still and will forever hold true. Yongie, I love you so much more today than I did yesterday and the days, months and years before that. I promise to love you more each day as we spend our lifetime together, especially on the days when you feel that you don’t love yourself enough. When your thoughts go against you, when you’re flooded with internal battles, I promise to remind you of the beautiful love that we share. I promise to look beyond what your eyes say and to listen more closely than what my ears hear from your words. I promise to _feel_ for you, my love, because you make me feel a lot of things. You make me so happy. Even those years that we weren't together, you still made me happy just by the mere thought of your smile, or your eyes. You make me laugh with joy, you help me be the best person that I could ever be. And just the mere thought of you being with me for the rest of our lives makes me the happiest man on this planet.

I don’t know if I told you this before but I wished for you, Taeyong. I wished for you on every candle I blew on my birthdays. I wished for you on every coin I tossed on fountains. I wished for you on every fallen eyelashes on my cheeks and every falling star in the sky. And now that I have you here in front of me, I can’t wish for anything else but for me to be the person who deserves your love. I don’t know what I did for you to love me back but I will forever be grateful because Lee Taeyong, it’s a great privilege to be loved by you. And I vow to always treasure your love, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. And as your favorite vampire had said, no measure of time with you would be long enough so let’s start with forever. 

You hold the entire universe in your eyes and my entire world in your hands. And this, my love, is what I vow to you, my heart is all yours—always have and always will. I love you so, so much Lee Taeyong.”

He slid the ring on Taeyong’s finger, smiling while his two dimples played on his cheeks. Taeyong’s huge eyes stared back at him, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped the tears using his thumb and Taeyong smiled. 

Taeyong picked up the other ring and reached for his hand, too.

“I once read something about being with someone. It says that we should be with someone who makes us calm and at peace, not with someone who makes our heart pound, our palms sweat or our knees go weak. But what should I do then, Jaehyunnie? You make me feel the chaos in my chest when you smile at me but at the same time, you make me feel at ease upon the very thought of you smiling. You make me feel the rush and the high like I’m going crazy when you hold my hand and touch my skin but that rush and high brings me warmth up to the very ends of my fingers. You make my heart do a somersault, my toes curl, my system go haywire every time you kiss me but you also make me relax knowing that you’re the one I’m kissing. Jaehyunnie, my love, you sweep me off my feet to hold me steady.

I won’t pretend to be optimistic enough to say that it will always be ‘good days’ for us because it won’t be. I can’t promise the absence of self-doubts, overwhelming thoughts and the fear in my mind because I know myself well enough for that. But this is what I promise you. I promise not to run away, to hold your hand tighter if I ever feel like that again. I promise that the only time I will run away is if you’re with me while your fingers are intertwined with mine. We’re young. We have a lot of things in store for us. We have a lot to discover. I promise to grow together. I promise that in our marriage, I will give you wings, not chains—to let you roam free and fly, knowing that you’ll take me with you wherever you desire. I promise to be with you in every step, to laugh with you on every joke and to cry for you in every pain.

I love you, Jung Jaehyun and I vow to always love you through all the goods and the bads, through all the highs and the lows. When the heaviest of rains fall in our place and our lives, I will be with you to weather the storm. I promise. And when I promise something, I never, ever break that promise. Ever.”

Jaehyun can’t help but laugh, recognizing the same line from the movie Tangled when Rapunzel asked Eugene to take him to see the lanterns.

Taeyong slid the ring on his finger and the officiant spoke. “Jaehyun, do you take Taeyong to be your husband?”

He smiled at his groom, the warm, incandescent glow radiating from the smile that Taeyong returned. “I do,” he answered.

“Taeyong, do you take Jaehyun to be your husband?”

Taeyong’s smile widened, eyes shining as the lantern’s lights reflected on his gorgeous eyes. “I do.”

“By the power vested upon me, I now pronounce you as husband and husband. You may now kiss.”

And that they did, a kiss to seal their lifetime together.

Jaehyun could feel the smile on Taeyong’s lips as he kissed him. It was their kiss—the soft, quick kiss that felt like a habit they’re going to do for the rest of their lives.

**_•———•———••———•———••———•———•  
_ **

**_Kai_ **

Doyoung waved at Kai as he walked towards where he was standing amidst the wedding guests and rows of flowers. “Kai hyung! Glad you could make it to the wedding!”

“Hey, Doyoung. And of course I came, I wouldn’t miss it. It’s a beautiful wedding. You and Jungwoo did a great job.”

“I would love to take the compliment but this is mostly Taeyong’s. He actually planned this wedding not knowing it was his.”

“Ah yes, I’ve heard. Nevertheless, you did a great job. They look so happy.” Kai smiled as they both watched the newlywed couple share meals and laughter in front of the reception, sitting on their makeshift Tangled boat while the golden lights from the hanged lanterns glistened in their faces.

“They are,” Doyoung agreed, following his gaze.

Kai took a sip of wine from the glass that he was holding. “Well, I guess this is where I really have to get off the line,” he chuckled.

Doyoung looked at him confusedly. “Line? What line?”

Kai smiled albeit not reaching his eyes. “The line waiting for Taeyong to finally open his heart to other people.”

Doyoung returned his smile, understanding. “Yeah. He doesn’t see that line. For Taeyong, it has always been Jaehyun. Something clicked the first time they met. Destiny? Fate? Stars aligning? I don’t know if I believe in those things but something did happen. Or I don’t know, maybe they just simply fell in love. Taeyong didn't see you in that line not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s just that, he didn’t see that the line exists because he only wanted to see Jaehyun. You know, it surprises me before how Taeyong always knows when Jaehyun is in the room, even if there are a lot of people crowding it. It’s like his eyes always automatically search for him, like a reflex action. I never understood it before but I realized it’s just their thing that they’re not aware they do. Some people show love through words, some through actions. For them, they show it through their eyes, through the look they give to one another. Like they don’t need words to show their love. Their eyes tell everything.”

“No one can compete with something like that,” he muttered, smiling as he sipped on his wine again, the bittersweet taste playing on his tongue. And for him, this day is like the taste of the bittersweet wine. He has liked Taeyong ever since they’ve been in the same dance club in college. And maybe along the way, he fell in love with him and the way he expresses himself through his dance, the passion that comes evident with it and the joy on his face whenever he performs. That’s where it all started. He had been hesitating to tell him about his feelings until he found out that Taeyong was already dating someone which turned out to be Jaehyun, the guy who always gives him the silent deadly stares every time he waits for Taeyong in the practice room. 

He hadn't heard about him for years until they met each other again at Sehun’s wedding, his friend. Taeyong was the wedding planner on the said wedding. He saw him standing at the back of the pews barking orders through his earpiece and looking like he hadn't aged a bit. They went out as friends a few times after that and along with it was the resurfacing of his unspoken feelings. Every smile and every laugh is a reminder of why he liked the other. Every giggle and every pout reminded him of the days his heart skipped a beat on the practice rooms before. Every time he calls his name, he’s reminded that he hasn't confessed to him about his feelings yet. He didn’t know why he couldn't push the confession out of his mouth. Taeyong was single and so was he. But now he understands clearly. As Doyoung said, it’s the look in his eyes. Taeyong has this certain light in his eyes that he always sees before. When they met again, it’s gone. He didn’t notice it at first but he knew something was not the same anymore. That light resurfaced when he joined him and his friends at Sokcho where he saw Jaehyun. Taeyong has this light and this look that he only gives to Jaehyun. It’s the look that Kai knows he will never receive from him. Taeyong will always look at him as a friend and seeing how happy he looks today at his wedding day, he fully understands why. And as much as it’s somehow bitter to let his feelings for the man go, he really is happy for him. A bittersweet feeling like the taste of the wine, indeed.

Doyoung nodded beside him. “Right. Well, you alright here? I need to check on some wedding stuff. God, you’d think this wedding is even bigger than all weddings we’ve done before. Do you know they have two wedding planners? Wait, sorry, excuse me—Mr. Do! Glad you could join us today!”

A handsome man wearing a light brown turtleneck who was slightly shorter than them smiled and approached them. “Of course. Those two are my favorite students during my first year in teaching,” the man answered.

“And you are their favorite as well. They met in your class. Oh, right. Kai hyung, this is Mr. Do Kyung Soo by the way. He was their professor before although he’s just a few years older. Mr. Do, this is Kai.” They saw Jungwoo waving at Doyoung, calling him over. “Sorry, I need to leave you guys here.”

Doyoung walked to attend to Jungwoo while Kai was left with Do Kyungsoo.

“Beautiful wedding, isn’t it? What’s your name again? Kai, was it?”

He smiled back at him. “Yeah. I’m a friend of Taeyong. Kyungsoo, right?” He extended his hand to him for a handshake which the other took. He felt the firm grasp of his soft hands.

“Yeah. I was their professor before.”

“You look young to be their professor before though?”

He chuckled. “It was my first year of teaching then. Have you tasted the cake yet? I heard it tastes heavenly. Come, let’s grab a piece.” Kyungsoo grabbed his arm and ushered him to taste the cake.

•———•———••———•———••———•———•  
  


**_Yuta_ **

On the other side of the reception, Yuta joined Sicheng who was standing alone on one of the cocktail tables, watching other people eat and converse. 

“How’s the people watching going? Anything interesting?”

Sicheng casted him a glance, a surprise look on his eyes which his facial expression tried to hide but he liked to believe that he knew him well. _He knows him still._ “Not really watching people. I’m just appreciating what they did to the place. It looks magical.”

“You’re right,” he replied, flashing him a smile as his eyes stayed fixed on him. “It does look magical.” 

Silence ensued as the other refused to meet his gaze. Sicheng had always been weak when it comes to eye to eye contact. He has always had an aversion to skinships and even mere public display of affection. If people didn’t know them personally before, they wouldn’t know that he and Sicheng were in a relationship. For an affectionate man like him, it was hard to find a middle ground because Sicheng was just so shy. Sicheng seems cold but he’s not. He’s one of the most caring people in the world. He was with him for six years so he knows that well enough.

“Stop staring at me,” Sicheng muttered without looking at him.

He just chuckled and sipped his wine. “I’m really happy for our friends,” he said suddenly as he watched Jaehyun and Taeyong laughing from ear to ear on their makeshift Tangled boat. “That was one hell of a ride.”

“Yeah,” Sicheng agreed. “It was, what? Five years in the making? They were apart longer than they were together and yet look at them.”

“Less than three months of seeing each other and they decided to not waste time. It’s like the years didn’t matter. Impressive.”

Sicheng finally looked at him but the blank face dominated his face. He’s finally enlightened that the person in front of him is no longer the person he knew too well. No, scratch that. The person in front of him is still the same person, he just doesn’t know him well enough now. Funny how things turned out the way they did, how time didn’t turn out to be a big factor to the way things unfolded for them. They were together for six years, have broken up for just two years and yet those two years have erased and changed a lot of things he learned about him for all the years that they were together. It’s painfully funny how time just loses all its essence. 

“It’s not really about the years you’ve spent together or apart. Some people stay together for years just to break up. Some people meet for days and hit it off. I don’t think time really is a measure of love,” Sicheng said without any hint of expression on his face. 

“You’re right,” he agreed because he was indeed right. Of course they know better. They were together for six years and look where they are now. Because sometimes, it really just doesn’t work. You can love a person so deep and yet you would still find yourselves growing apart. And maybe it’s not a bad thing. Maybe things are better off that way. But that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less because that was six years of his life that he thought he was so sure he would be spending the rest of his life with Sicheng. And it’s eight years of his life that he spent loving him. So yeah, if anyone asks him, nothing about this hurts any less. 

But alas, life doesn’t turn out the way you want it to be. You just gotta live with it. 

“I’m especially happy for Jaehyun today, though,” he muttered suddenly, staring at his friend who was smiling fondly at his now husband. He couldn’t help but smile because their happiness was radiating to the whole place.

“Why? They both went through shits. It’s not just him.”

“I know. They both deserve this happiness. I’m just saying that I’m especially happy for Jaehyun. I’ve been rooting for him.”

Sicheng turned to look at him, squinting his eyes playfully. “Why? Don’t tell me you like Jaehyun?”

Yuta almost choked on his wine. “The fuck? Of course not! You and your dry humor didn’t change at all. It’s just that, when they broke up, Taeyong had us all. We were all with him. Jaehyun was all alone and in a foreign country at that. He didn’t have anyone with him there so I think it was especially hard for him.”

The blank expression returned on Sicheng’s face. “Doesn’t mean that the pain differs, though. You can be in a room full of people and still feel empty.”

“You’re right.”

A man in a black and white chef’s uniform approached the cocktail table where they were at. “Hey,” he addressed Sicheng, resting his arm to the latter’s waist and giving him a peck on his cheek. “I was looking for you.”

“Sorry honey,” Sicheng answered smiling. “I wasn’t in the mood to socialize with other people.”

The man laughed but halted when he noticed him. “Oh!” Sicheng exclaimed. “Honey, this is Yuta. Yuta, this is Kun.” A pause. There was a pause so brief, he almost didn’t notice it. But again, they spent six years together. There are things that wouldn’t be erased by two years of being apart. “My boyfriend.”

Yuta paused as Kun extended his arm for a handshake. He figured that he’s his boyfriend. As he said, Sicheng was never into public display of affection. It took him years for the other to let him hold his hand in public, let alone a kiss even if it’s just on the cheeks. It took him years to thaw the wall of ice hindering Sicheng from showing his love freely. 

_And now he’s doing it with ease._

So again, if anyone asks him—nothing about this hurts any less. If anything, it hurts more. 

He shook Kun’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Kun.”

**_•———•———••———•———••———•———•_ **

**_Johnny_ **

Ten gaped as he feasted his eyes around the place. They were wandering around and they ended up in the more secluded area of the wedding venue and even here, the wedding crew managed to put decorations. The place was lit up with lanterns while the trees were decorated with wisterias and lots of different flowers that he can’t name. 

“This place is really beautiful. I wonder how Taeyong found this place,” Ten wondered amusedly as the golden light from the lanterns shone on his gorgeous face.

Johnny just shrugged, seeming unconvinced. 

“What?” He asked. “You don’t think that this place is beautiful?”

“No. It’s just that, it’s really hard to use the word ‘beautiful’ to describe something that is not you.”

Ten grinned at him. “Babe, you are so cheesy! Come here, let me give you a kiss.”

They both chuckled as they shared a kiss under the lanterns and the moonlight.

He took a deep breath as he stared at his boyfriend, biting the inside of his cheek while he feels his nervousness taking over his body.

“Johnny, are you okay?” Ten asked worriedly.

“Huh? Yeah, of course babe. Why would you ask that?”

Ten’s face morphed into a frown. “You look weird.”

Johnny swallowed thickly, feeling his heart racing and palms sweat. The velvet box inside his pocket felt a hundred times heavier. 

He didn’t know why he’s so nervous. They were together for years now. They even live together. He’s just going to pop a question. What’s so nerve-wracking about that? 

_The possibility that he might say no?_ He gulped an invisible lump again.

Ten cupped his face worriedly. “Seriously sweetheart, are you okay? You look pale.”

He stared at his eyes intently. “Ten, you know that I love you so much, right?”

Ten’s expression softened upon hearing this. “Of course, babe. And you know I love you too.”

He reached for the box inside his pocket and opened it. Ten gasped. His eyes widened in surprise as his mouth hung open. 

“I’ve been carrying this in my pocket for quite a while now. I was waiting for a perfect moment to ask this but then I realized that every moment with you is perfect.” He got down on his one knee, still holding the box firmly as he stared into the eyes of the man that he loves so much more than anything else in this world. “Yes, I got down on my knee because we’re the cheesy cliché couple that everybody pretends to gag at but secretly wants to be like. Ten, I love you so much. You bring the most vibrant colors to my otherwise boring life. Before I met you, I was this asshole who just sleeps around, not really caring about anyone. Committing was hard for me, being in a relationship wasn’t something I fancy because I feel like it’s too much work but you came into my life and suddenly, everything is so easy. Sticking to one person became so easy and not boring. You make everything so easy and so worth it. Falling in love with you was the second easiest thing I have ever done in my life. Staying in love with you is the easiest. You’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Will you marry me?”

“Of course! Yes! Oh my God, yes!” Ten shouted, clutching his chest in delight.

Johnny smiled widely as he slid the ring on Ten’s finger. The latter held it up, glistening under the warm golden glow of the lanterns and along with it came the twinkling of his eyes in tears of joy, putting the stars to shame.

•———•———••———•———••———•———•  
  


_Epilogue_  
  


It was an uneventful morning at The Wedding Bells office. The season has changed and the cold winter breeze has already replaced the pleasing hues of the autumn days. The reds, yellows, oranges and browns were traded with a blanket of white snow covering the city. 

There was no traffic of people inside the office because winter is not really the most popular season to get married. Couples don't normally want to literally freeze out while staring at each other’s eyes and saying their vows. 

“Taeyong hyung, you’re going home early?” Jungwoo asked when he saw him putting his things in his bag.

“Yes,” he smiled. That’s all he does lately, smiling like his cheeks were constantly being pulled upwards. “I have a date with my husband.”

Jungwoo pouted. “Ugh. I need to find myself a husband, too. Where’s my phone? I’ll call Lucas.”

“Is he your boyfriend already?”

“Not yet.”

He decided to tease the younger. “Really? You? A self-proclaimed flirt? Still not getting the man?”

Jungwoo glared at him. “Hey! But you’re right. Ugh, it’s so frustrating. We’ve been on a lot of dates and he still hasn't asked me to be his boyfriend yet. If he still won’t ask me by the end of this week, I will do it myself.”

“Wow, you never asked someone before. They always ask you. You must really like him.”

“I know!” Jungwoo buried his face on his table. “Adorable, handsome boys are so dangerous.”

“That they are,” he agreed and chuckled. “Well I need to go now. My husband is already in the lobby.”

Jungwoo grinned. “I love that you keep on saying ‘my husband’. Take care hyung. Say hi to your husband for me.”

Taeyong laughed. “I will tell my husband that.”

He walked towards the lobby where Jaehyun was already waving at him, his full dimples on display. He gave him a peck on his lips and intertwined their fingers as they both walked to the car. 

“You hungry yet, babe? Where do you want to eat?”

“I’m actually craving for Italian food. You wanna go to Regulate?”

“I wanna go anywhere with you.”

Taeyong giggled like a lovesick teenager at his reply. “Just drive, you cheesy ass.”

Jaehyun drove with his one hand on the steering wheel and the other intertwined on his, a habit he had when they were together before which stuck around until now. As Jaehyun had said, _“Old habits die hard, babe.”_

It was already raining when they arrived at the parking lot of the restaurant.

“It doesn’t look like it’s stopping any time soon,” Taeyong muttered, looking outside the window as the rain fell on the ground.

“Yeah, it looks like it,” Jaehyun answered.

“Do you want to just run for it? I forgot to bring an umbrella with me.”

“I have one.” Jaehyun smiled and reached for the compartment where he pulled out a red umbrella with black pipings. Taeyong recognized it because it has a written LTY on it. His heart melted upon seeing the said umbrella.

“Jaehyunnie, you still have this?”

“Of course. It’s one of my most prized possessions.”

He gave his husband a sweet kiss before they went inside the restaurant, hand in hand as they shared the red umbrella under the pouring rain just like they did the first time they met and like how they’ll always do for the rest of their lives.

It’s a good feeling to know how their love transcended the time they were apart. Those years didn’t change the intensity of what they felt for each other. If anything, it made them realize that upon the billions of people in this world, they only wanted to be with each other. 

An hour consists of exactly sixty minutes. A minute consists of exactly sixty seconds. But a single second of looking into his husband’s eyes stirs up a million positive feelings inside him. Time is continuously passing as shown in the changing seasons but their love remains the same great thing that they share. 

As something that rose from the ashes of distance and miscommunications, they know better now that there are a lot to take into consideration to make a relationship work. It’s not just love. There should be trust, patience, understanding and open communication. A relationship needs two people who would always choose to make it work as long as they can. They had to learn this the hard way. Others might say that the last five years have been a waste seeing that they could have stayed together for those years if they could have just talked. Maybe they’re right. But he likes to think otherwise. Maybe they needed the time apart to have something stronger together. Maybe they needed to learn things on their own, to experience some things on their own. Or maybe they don’t and those last five years really have been a waste because they walked away. Who knows? No one really knows and there’s no point crying over spilt milk. But it’s not a time wasted if you’ve learned something from it.

What’s five years compared to the lifetime they will share together?

After all the years of being together and apart and finally being back together for good, the love just kept on growing. Their love still remained true. After all these years, they still feel the same spark every time their skins touch. They still see the same light every time their eyes meet. Just like a work of art that still remained beautiful even after the artist died. Theirs is a love unchanged by time—remaining as good as true now as when they first felt it. 

It’s timeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya go. I’m a sucker for angst with a happy ending. Took me a long time to finish this fic, huh? I really, really, really enjoyed writing this. If you’re reading this up to this point, thank you so much. 🥺 I appreciate all the comments, kudos and all twitter and cc messages 💖
> 
> Also, I know no one asked but I actually started writing a YuWin spinoff. I started writing it, I don’t know if it will see the light of day. It’s a short one. Let me know [here](https://curiouscat.qa/airypeaches) or in the comments if you want to read that or something? It’s angst too so idk. 
> 
> My Christmas break just started so I can finally finish my other Jaeyong fics (hopefully). Thank you guys and let me know what you think about Timeless. 💖
> 
> ~[Twitter: @airypeaches](https://twitter.com/airypeaches)  
> ~[curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/airypeaches)  
> 


End file.
